08052020Headline:

Jared Kushner’s Dick Sued by Pencil Company Over Brand Confusion

WASHINGTON, DC— Jared C. Kushner, husband of first daughter and East Asian entrepreneuse Ivanka Trump, was named as Defendant in a lawsuit brought by Gotwood Pencil Company, alleging brand confusion between Defendant’s dick and Plaintiff’s device.

“Since January 10, 1981,” the tort alleges, “Defendant Kushner’s penis has caused Plaintiff Gotwood major financial downturns resulting in irreversible, weakened revenue streams.”

Trademark law defines “Likelihood of confusion” as the reasonable frequency to which consumers easily confuse products or services from two separate brands.

According to counsel for Plaintiff,

“Clearly, court action was necessary due to the physical similarity between Defendant Kushner’s schmekel and a bona fide pencil, with additional harm caused by false and injurious comparisons between Gottwood’s universally useful tool, and Jared C. Kushner.”

Kushner is not the only Trump family official accused of violating fair use standards and practices (nor the only one accused of having a pencil dick).

Slackjaw Industries sued Donald J. Trump, Jr. over multiple brand confusions, and second brother Eric Trump faced ugly legal action brought by The Gumline Corporation, a Slackjaw subsidiary.

Slackjaw and Gumline documents state, “this extraordinarily unattractive pair of actions was necessary to halt a significant revenue decline, hastened by the appearance of Defendant Eric Trump as warm up comic during a recent Tulsa, Oklahoma Trump campaign rally.

Trump branded businesses have initiated over 3,500 legal actions in U.S. federal and state courts.

The volume of legal actions bestows upon all Trump family enterprises the designation of Major American Suers.

Kushner has not publicly issued comment on Gottwood’s allegations.  Repeated press attempts have failed to initiate a response.

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2 Responses to "Jared Kushner’s Dick Sued by Pencil Company Over Brand Confusion"

  1. fred says:

    very nice.

  2. Craig Hendrik says:

    Many people are saying there is in fact no lead in Jerrod’s pencil. I think that alone provides enough difference from the gotwood implement.

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