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Trump University Study Finds Correlation Between Menthol Cigarettes and Voter Fraud

trump-u-mentholNew York City, NY – As Donald Trump takes on the Republican establishment, Democrats and the mainstream media, he’s telling supporters they’re fighting against a “rigged” system, rife with voter fraud. The left, predictably, say talk like this is “dangerous” to the integrity of our electoral system, and then glibly ask for Mr. Trump to prove his voter fraud allegations.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Donald Trump’s campaign released a new study today that found a direct link between menthol cigarettes and widespread voter fraud.

voter-fraud-map

Conducted by researchers at Trump University, the comprehensive study titled The Menthol Menace determined that menthol smokers have a genetic predisposition to commit in-person voter impersonation fraud.

“We found robust evidence that confirms a correlation between menthol cigarettes and voter fraud,” said Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway. “Once again Mr. Trump is 100% vindicated. Let’s see if the dishonest media will even report on this. I won’t be holding my breath.”

In typical fashion, progressives were quick to suggest that the study’s findings were somehow “racist” and dismissed them without further review. “Liberals want you to believe that only blacks smoke menthol cigarettes and therefore the findings are flawed and even racist. I think the American people are smarter than that,” Conway said.

Studies have shown that almost one in five African Americans smoke menthol cigarettes, almost three times the rate of whites.

Federal courts have time and again struck down sensible voter ID laws, concluding that minority voters are less likely to own a car and therefore less likely to obtain a driver’s license that could be used as an acceptable form of ID.

“Now that is racist…and total hogwash,” says former Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. “If these people can’t obtain an ID then how are they buying all those menthol cigarettes they love so much? Answer me that.” Mr. Walker cited unverified claims of illegal immigrants voting over and over again at different polling locations using multiple fake IDs. “We must go further than strict voter ID laws, that’s why I am working on legislation that would require every Wisconsinite submit to an iris scan before they cast their ballot,” said Walker.

A similar study done by the Wyoming Institute of Technology found a direct link between menthol cigarettes and gang violence. The study found that gang violence was 16 times more likely to occur within a 5-mile radius of what the institute called “Menthol Center Zones.” The Menthol Menace concluded that polling stations within these “Menthol Center Zones” are likely to attract the highest concentration of fraudulent voters and should be heavily monitored on election day.

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One Response to "Trump University Study Finds Correlation Between Menthol Cigarettes and Voter Fraud"

  1. Diane Hinkle says:

    Are you f***ing kidding me?! This has got to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard! This is laugh out loud hilarious.

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