09182020Headline:

Trump Admin to Deregulate Pressure of Golden Showers

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<Washington, DC>According to multiple inside sources with absolutely no knowledge of the subject, the Trump Administration is looking to rollback a 1992 law regulating the pressure of golden showers to more than 2.5 gallons of urine per minute.  The sudden change follows complaints from President Trump about his hair routine.

“So golden showers – you take a golden shower, the urine doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the urine doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a golden shower longer? Because my hair – I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect,” Trump probably said.

In a soon to be released tell-all by Trumps former fixer/attorney, Michael Cohen, Cohen confirms Trumps affinity to the golden shower stating “From golden showers in a sex club in Vegas, to tax fraud, to deals with corrupt officials from the former Soviet Union, to catch and kill conspiracies to silence Trump’s clandestine lovers, I wasn’t just a witness to the president’s rise—I was an active and eager participant.”

Consumer and urine conservation groups argue such changes are wasteful and unnecessary.

Bill Samuals, executive director of the urine conservation group Urine Awareness Project, called the proposal “silly,” adding “you could have 2 or 3 ladies pissing on your face at once pushing out 8-10 gallons of urine per minute, seems excessive.”

“If the president needs help finding a good golden shower, we can point him to some great websites that help you identify ladies with a heavier flow that would provide a dense soak and a good golden shower,” he added.

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