12152018Headline:

Trump White House Prepares Pardons for Two Jive-Ass Turkeys

Two jive-ass turkeys from Manhattan get comfortable in their room at the Willard InterContinental Hotel, after their arrival Sunday in Washington, D.C.

<Washington, DC>In keeping with longstanding tradition, the White House is said to be preparing pardons for two jive-ass turkeys, according to high ranking officials with no knowledge of the decision.  The turkeys, “Eric” and “Don Jr.”, will hopefully live out the rest of their days in obscurity after avoiding life sentences for their part in conspiring with a hostile foreign government to influence the 2016 Presidential election, obstructing justice and committing light treason (allegedly).

Mr. Trump will be announcing the pardons during a ceremony taking place in the White House Rose Garden.  Melania and Barron will likely be in attendance.

This years pardons come on the heals of multiple pardons provided for equally jive-ass turkeys over the past two years by the Trump administration including disgraced former Maricopa County sheriff Joe Arpaio, serial perjurer Lewis “Scooter” Libby, and token foreign Conservative Dinesh D’ouza.

Other jive-ass turkeys likely being considered for pardons include Roger Stone Jr., General Michael Flynn, Jarod Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Paul Manafort and Rick Gates.  The President is said to be discussing a preemptive pardon for himself as well.

According to legal professionals the pardoning of jive-ass turkeys at the federal level does nothing to protect them from being prosecuted at the state level.

What Next?

Related Articles

One Response to "Trump White House Prepares Pardons for Two Jive-Ass Turkeys"

  1. Boganboy says:

    I’m pleased to see good old Trump is pardoning himself. But can he pardon himself for the pardon. Not being an American lawyer, I’m afraid this one is beyond me.

    Still, he can certainly pardon Putin, and of course MbS. The sanctions on those who are claimed to have actually chopped up Khashoggi should also be easy to get rid of.

Leave a Reply

Submit Comment