11192017Headline:

Study Shows Majority Of Americans Believe Trump’s Twitter Intrinsically Linked To His Presidency

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Donald Trump is infamous for his aggressive tweeting habits, which is why internet users were left utterly befuddled Thursday when @realdonaldtrump linked to a broken page on Twitter’s website.

It has been reported that a disgruntled Twitter employee decided to delete the president’s account on their way out of the company, leaving ‘The Don’ Twitterless for roughly five whole minutes.

This absence was immediately noticed, and apparently gave many the false hope that Twitter was finally fed up with the 45th president’s late night flame wars with Hollywood liberals and had permanently banned him from their social media platform.

However, the page soon reappeared, and denizens of the net immediately began to recall how profoundly they were affected by the brief period of time in which the President’s Twitter page no longer hung over their lives like a cursed, blackened cloud, ready to strike them dead in 280 characters or less.

For scientific purposes I have saved some of these social media updates, and curiously found they all share a similar message of levity felt by those with the bizarre notion that Trump’s Twitter is somehow intrinsically linked to his role as President of the United States.

Let’s take a look, shall we?
Their year is either going exceptionally well, or Trump’s tweets are worse than mom’s recent cancer diagnosis.

A new medical condition will be added to the upcoming ICD-11 described as chronic pain associated with the president’s Twitter account.

Now tell us how you really feel!

They have…

Trump’s Twitter vanishing is equal to the blissful reprieve of Canzonetta sull’aria playing between repeated instances of prison rape. 

For a moment it was like Hilary had won!

“Sorry, these tickets to Switzerland are great and all… But Trump’s Twitter being down for five minutes wins this year’s Best Birthday Present Award by a country mile!”

I can imagine Trump in the war room now. “Alright, we’re bombing North Korea, but first thing’s first: Delete my Twitter account!”

Because he totally wouldn’t still be the president!

I have a feeling this post was made by one of those freaks who write fan fiction about an alternate reality where Hilary Clinton is president.

Slate later went on to say, “now we know how African Americans felt after slavery was abolished!”

I guess the same person updates both Slate and Yahoo’s Facebook pages. “Just rearrange the sentences slightly, no one will notice!”

Hey! What was wrong with the old civil rights movement?!

You got your answer on Thursday: Exactly the same. 

What Next?

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