09242017Headline:

Sarah Palin Diagnosed With STFU

(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

WASILLA, Alaska – Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been diagnosed with STFU, according to multiple media outlets. The diagnosis became public shortly after Palin blamed both President Barack Obama and the condition known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for her son Track’s arrest on domestic violence and weapons charges.

Track Palin allegedly struck his girlfriend and threatened suicide during a drunken rage; a result of PTSD and Obama’s neglect of veterans, said the 66-year-old former vice presidential candidate.

“STFU is an all too common condition,” said Harvard University endocrinologist Dr. Althea Thoone. “Often, the ego runs away with itself, fueled by delusions of grandeur, and a false sense of importance, intensified by fluctuating hormone levels and poor diet. Although treatment is available, our success rate in curing the condition is very low. Sadly,” admitted Thoone, “most patients never STFU.”

Palin’s comments, which she categorized as “the elephant in the room,” highlighted her stump speech delivered in support of Republican frontrunner Donald Trump in Oklahoma.

Veteran’s groups and political commentators slammed Palin’s blaming of Obama for her son’s behavior, noting that Track Palin went to war under the Bush administration, came back home under the Obama administration, while efforts to aid veterans have been repeatedly blocked by Congressional Republicans since his return.

Palin took to Facebook to respond to critics:

“I expect nothing less than the lamestream media and ultra liberal attacks by the political elites, twisting and obstrating the facts that are more than clearly understood by real Americans across our great nation. The blame game rests with the top brass and our inadequate Commander in Chief, and trickles down those many multiple caves of neglectfulness overshadowing our men and women in uniform, after they have so unselfishly and bravely sworn to protect and uphold us all, both overseas and abroad, in deference of our national interests and hard-won freedoms.”

Dr. Thoone says that a cure, or at least a more effective treatment for STFU, is on the horizon, but added privately, “For some patients, it can’t come soon enough.”

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13 Responses to "Sarah Palin Diagnosed With STFU"

  1. Botsford says:

    It is amazing, well perhaps not, how many on the left are so afflicted with ‘don’t know how to STFU’

  2. DinahSure says:

    Not everyone is a medical expert, dear author. What is STFU? Is it a related condition to PTSD which may explain Sarah’s son’s actions? I love how everyone has rushed to judgment about what Track Palin allegedly did, and all the inappropriate news coverage about a private family manner but all they’re trying to do is bash Sarah Palin, once again like they always do.

    • Swivel says:

      Are you that ignorant? STFU Shut The F*%# Up!

    • OffBase says:

      STFU – Sardonically Transfused Female Ulcer

    • Bill says:

      Although this is parody (and you clearly don’t get it). Snowbank Skookies kid Trap, er Trunk, um, John Deere or whatever the f*ck his name is doesn’t have PTSD because he was never in combat, as his DD214 indicates.
      As it turns out……he’s just an asshole

    • Wait. Sarah? Is that you?

      I’d know your malaprops anywhere. 🙂

      • ExWasillan says:

        @ Call Me Ismail ~ Exactly right. Like “squirmishes” and “obstrating”. Hard to believe that at one time she worked for a newspaper. Or was Governor. She must have her own dictionary. Palictionary or Palinictionary.

        “…about a private family manner but all they’re trying to do…”

  3. incredulous says:

    Sarah Palin is a grifter, a quitter, and a deficient mother as evidenced by her children’s horrible behavior. Her morals are absolutely in question. She’s married, white and says she’s Christian and I guess that’s good enough for you!

  4. ExWasillan says:

    OMG. “Obstrating”? Really? Another Palinism? I wish she would use a dictionary before she opens her mouth.

  5. Marianna says:

    Doesn’t this CLOWN know that overseas and abroad are the same? It is HILARIOUS how monumentally ignorant she is, it just never stops. As long as she’s alive Tina Fey will have fresh material!!!

    • ExWasillan says:

      @ Marianna – And they don’t even have to rewrite any of the material. Comedians just use what comes straight out of her mouth. Love it.

  6. Ben Ghazi says:

    Your kid beat up his gf? Its Obama’s fault! Party of personal responsibility, huh? typical right wing hypocrisy

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