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Elderly Mall Walker Shatters Indoor Distance Record During Active Shooter Drill

Doris Swanson, 79, of Marinette, WI, had no idea she was participating in an active shooter drill when she set a new all-time Mall Walkers of America (MWA) indoor distance record Monday morning at Pine Tree Mall. “Nobody told me what [...]
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Colin Kaepernick OUT for Remainder of Season, Strained Kneecap Ironically Blamed

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — San Francisco 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick, the NFL’s political protest poster boy, will miss the remainder of the season due “a repetitive strain injury to the patella,” according to team medical sources. (adsbygoogle [...]

Cowboys Receiver Dez Bryant Sues For Defamation Over Madden 17 Game Rating

By: Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen, TNReport Sports Journalist DALLAS, TEXAS-Dallas Cowboys Receiver Dez Bryant is upset about his Madden NFL 17 video game rating. According to the video game, which rates players on a metric [...]

Bazaar Pokemon Crosses Cubs Dugout

Fans Dismayed Over Reemergence of Cubs’ Curse By: Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen – TNReport Sports Reporter FLUSHING, NY — 2016 was supposed to be the year the Chicago Cubs finally put to rest the franchise [...]
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Annual Hog Wrestling Event Brings Family Fun; Sadism to Crivitz, WI

Crivitz, WI – Every summer hundreds of Wisconsinites make the pilgrimage to Faldron Calls Bar and Grill, located just outside the popular vacation destination of Crivitz, WI, to honor the thirty-plus year tradition of literally beating [...]
Caitlyn Jenner

Caitlyn Jenner to Compete as Female Athlete in Rio Olympics

RIO de JANEIRO — Reality television personality Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Olympic gold-medal decathlete Bruce Jenner, will compete as a female athlete in several “Senior Olympics” sporting events, sources say. Senior Olympic [...]
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Vegas Odds Makers Place 3-1 Odds on Sarah Jessica Parker Winning Derby

Go ahead and pity Kentucky Derby favorite Sarah Jessica Parker. She has the unenviable task of following in the hoof prints of Triple Crown champion American Pharoah, and so far isn’t getting the respect the only undefeated horse in the [...]
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Trump Promises to Restore Washington Redskins’ Trademark on Day One of Presidency

In an interview with George Stephanopoulos that will air on “This Week” Sunday, presumptive Republican nominee Donald J. Trump said “On day one” he would restore and protect the Washington Redskins’ trademark following a July 2015 [...]

Kobe Bryant to Spend Retirement Searching for “The Real Rapist”

As Kobe Bryant’s NBA career winds to a close, many have begun to speculate what is next for the world-renowned basketball star. Sources close to Bryant allege that he will not seek a career “in the spotlight”, but will instead [...]
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Packers Fans Upset with Qb Aaron Rodgers’ Lack of Islamophobia

// Green Bay, WI – Packers fans are not happy after two-time NFL MVP quarterback Aaron Rodgers called out a few fans for “inappropriate” and “prejudicial” comments made during a pre-game moment of silence to honor the victims [...]
(AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

Tom Brady’s Trump Endorsement Result Of Concussion, Say Doctors

FOXBORO, Mass. – New England Patriots QB Tom Brady endorsed Donald Trump for president on Wednesday, hours after suffering what medical experts call a “Grade 2” concussion. A “Make America Great Again” hat seen [...]
(AP Photo/Jeff Roberson)

DATEGATE: Every Member of New England Patriots Linked to Ashley Madison Cheating Scandal

New York City, NY – From Spygate to Deflategate, NFL fans know the New England Patriots are the league’s biggest cheaters. Now with the Dategate scandal breaking, girlfriends and spouses of the Super Bowl winning champions know it as [...]
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Scandal! Judge in Brady v. NFL Drafted QB in Fantasy Football

NEW YORK, NY – Add the Judge to the list of beneficiaries when Tom Brady won his case over the National Football League. The National Report has learned that Bernard Richards, the presiding judge in the Federal Court case between the [...]
(AP Photo/Patric Schneider)

God Smites Arian Foster for Atheist Views

HOUSTON, TX – In an interview with ESPN’s Tim Keown, running back Arian Foster announced that he didn’t believe in God and was smited three days later with a season ending groin injury. “I told him not to talk that way about the [...]

Embattled Dentist Subject of Investigation of Alleged Threats Made Against The Detroit Lions

Dr. Walter Palmer, a practicing dentist in Minnesota, gained fame last week when it was revealed that he illegally killed famed lion, Cecil the Lion.  Cecil the Lion of course, is named after world-renowned racist and genocide advocate Cecil [...]
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

North Korea To Induct Pete Rose Into Sports Hall Of Fame

In a move viewed by most international relations experts as an obvious attempt to antagonize the United States of America, it is being reported that North Korea plans to induct retired American baseball player, Pete Rose, into the nation’s [...]