04182014Headline:
OscarPistorius

Oscar Pistorius Found Guilty Of All Charges In Murder Of Reeva Steenkamp

<National Report>Oscar “Blade Runner” Pistorius, who gained worldwide fame during the 2012 Summer Olympics, has been found guilty in the murder of his girlfriend by a recently released public opinion poll.   The poll (a [...]
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Yanking Hurler Discovered Cheating

By Cassidy Pen, TNReport Sports Reporter <Bronx, NY> Yesterday, the New York American League baseball club was victorious over their perennial rival, the Boston Red Sox, 4-1. The win is now being overshadowed by suspicion as Yankers Pitcher [...]
Winners at this year's Assam Rape Festival

Surprise Winner At This Years Assam Rape Festival

Assam, INDIA — Exciting news from Assam, India this morning as the results from this year’s Assam Rape Festival have been announced. It was close, but in the end it was amateur Nikhil Thakur who took home the ‘The Baalkrishan’ [...]
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Bill Murray’s Motivational Coaching Leads Underdog Wilmette to ISHA Title

War Eagles Bring Down Powerful Westinghouse Prep, 67-65 By Cassidy Pen, TNReport Sports Reporter <United Center-Chicago, IL> If you said a young undermanned Wilmette War Eagle squad had no chance to dethrone traditional Illinois Basketball [...]
mc-whitehall-special-olympics-pictures-001

Doping Scandal Rocks Special Olympics USA

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor in Chief Allegations over gambling and doping in the Special Olympics have rocked Special Olympics USA management and stunned those involved with this nonprofit charitable organization worldwide. // // In [...]
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NFL to Mandate Shower “Erection Detector”

By Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen-TNReport Sports reporter <Washington DC> In the wake of Michael Sam’s announcement that he is a homosexual man, Commissioner Roger Goddell has announced a league-wide rule mandating [...]
ice-hockey-winter-olympics

Canadian Men’s Hockey Team Accused of Doping

<National Report>SOCHI, Russia: Allegations are swirling around the International hockey community this evening of alleged doping amongst the Canadian Men’s Hockey team. The allegations began this afternoon after the Canadian team [...]
OpenCarry

Texas and Florida to Consider Allowing Professional Athletes to ‘Open Carry’ During Games!

<National Report>Both Texas and Florida legislatures are now considering allowing guns at professional sporting events. The proposed laws, which would allow ‘open carry’ of firearms for all fans, would also extend that same [...]
No gay Olympians in Russia

Olympian Awarded 2nd Instead Of 1st Because He Is Gay

SOCHI, Russia – For about five seconds on Monday, Jan Smeekens was an Olympic champion, hero to a nation, and all that goes with it. Until, gut-wrenchingly, he wasn’t, just because of his sexuality. As Smeekens crossed the line at Adler [...]
CarltonFreshPrince

Carlton From ‘Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air’ Offers Bob Costas Advice On Distracting Eye

<National Report>Sochi, Russia–Social media has been abuzz with stories out of Sochi and none have gained more traction than questions about Bob Costas and his freakish eye infection.  The NBC host kicked off Olympic coverage last [...]
KimJungUnOlympics

North Korea Announces Kim Jong-un Takes Gold In Pairs Figure Skating and Two Man Bobsled!

<National Report>The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s (North Korea) Ministry of Information announced today that although the country had sent an Olympic delegation to the Sochi games, and did not send a team, its people [...]
sochi Winter Olympics Edward Snowden

Edward Snowden Makes Appearance At Olympics; With Gay Lover

Sochi, Russia — In what some are saying is another defiant act against the United States Government, American fugitive Edward Snowden, made a quick appearance at the Olympics yesterday for the opening ceremonies. Snowden also took it up [...]
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Sochi Update: Lisping Olympians Decry Beatings

  <National Report Brussels Bureau>  Leaks of several reports are surfacing in socialist Europe of Olympic athletes receiving moderate to severe beatings, and possible charges of alleged gang rape, all at the hands of Russian leader [...]
Gay Task Force in Russia Winter Games

Russia Announces Gay Task Force To Patrol Winter Olympics

Sochi, Russia — The President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, is making headlines once again about his controversial stance concerning the gay community. This time Putin has announced a gay task force that will be patrolling the winter games in [...]
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Seahawks Safety Assaulted After Championship Game

By: Cassidy Pen, TNReport Sports Reporter <Seattle, WA> Richard Sherman, a Safety on the Seattle Seahawks American Football Team was assaulted in an apparent “knockout game” attack as he left CenturyLinx Field following his [...]
Dennis Rodman fed to dogs in North Korea

Dogs Fed Dennis Rodman In Critical Condition After Poisoning

Pyongyang, North Korea — Fifty-four North Korean dogs were hospitalized in critical condition today after becoming violently ill. The hounds were found with unknown toxins in their blood that doctors say are a direct result from eating Dennis [...]


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