02252017Headline:

Trump Reports World Record 39 Under Par, 12 Holes-in-One, During Golf Outing with Japanese Prime Minister

President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe hit the links at the world famous Trump National Jupiter Golf Club & Spa on Saturday with hopes of forging a diplomatic bond but ended up with much more. While no press was [...]

Atlanta Falcons Win Popular Vote, Still Lose Super Bowl LI

<Houston, TX> The results of Super Bowl LI are in, and the winner is the New England Patriots. After pulling out to an early 28-3 lead, Atlanta allowed the Patriots to reel off 25 consecutive points to tie the game and secure an overtime [...]

MLB Institutes Electoral College, Awards World Series To Indians

In a stunning and highly rare sequence of events, Major League Baseball has stripped the Chicago Cubs of their 2016 World Series championship and awarded it instead to the Cleveland Indians. Citing a desire to “keep the competition within [...]

Elderly Mall Walker Shatters Indoor Distance Record During Active Shooter Drill

Doris Swanson, 79, of Marinette, WI, had no idea she was participating in an active shooter drill when she set a new all-time Mall Walkers of America (MWA) indoor distance record Monday morning at Pine Tree Mall. “Nobody told me what [...]

Colin Kaepernick OUT for Remainder of Season, Strained Kneecap Ironically Blamed

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — San Francisco 49ers QB Colin Kaepernick, the NFL’s political protest poster boy, will miss the remainder of the season due “a repetitive strain injury to the patella,” according to team medical sources. (adsbygoogle [...]

Caitlyn Jenner to Compete as Female Athlete in Rio Olympics

RIO de JANEIRO — Reality television personality Caitlyn Jenner, formerly known as Olympic gold-medal decathlete Bruce Jenner, will compete as a female athlete in several “Senior Olympics” sporting events, sources say. Senior Olympic [...]

Vegas Odds Makers Place 3-1 Odds on Sarah Jessica Parker Winning Derby

Go ahead and pity Kentucky Derby favorite Sarah Jessica Parker. She has the unenviable task of following in the hoof prints of Triple Crown champion American Pharoah, and so far isn’t getting the respect the only undefeated horse in the [...]

Kobe Bryant to Spend Retirement Searching for “The Real Rapist”

As Kobe Bryant’s NBA career winds to a close, many have begun to speculate what is next for the world-renowned basketball star. Sources close to Bryant allege that he will not seek a career “in the spotlight”, but will instead [...]

Packers Fans Upset with Qb Aaron Rodgers’ Lack of Islamophobia

// Green Bay, WI – Packers fans are not happy after two-time NFL MVP quarterback Aaron Rodgers called out a few fans for “inappropriate” and “prejudicial” comments made during a pre-game moment of silence to honor the victims [...]

Tom Brady’s Trump Endorsement Result Of Concussion, Say Doctors

FOXBORO, Mass. – New England Patriots QB Tom Brady endorsed Donald Trump for president on Wednesday, hours after suffering what medical experts call a “Grade 2” concussion. A “Make America Great Again” hat seen [...]

Embattled Dentist Subject of Investigation of Alleged Threats Made Against The Detroit Lions

Dr. Walter Palmer, a practicing dentist in Minnesota, gained fame last week when it was revealed that he illegally killed famed lion, Cecil the Lion.  Cecil the Lion of course, is named after world-renowned racist and genocide advocate Cecil [...]

North Korea To Induct Pete Rose Into Sports Hall Of Fame

In a move viewed by most international relations experts as an obvious attempt to antagonize the United States of America, it is being reported that North Korea plans to induct retired American baseball player, Pete Rose, into the nation’s [...]

Hulk Hogan: “Thank Christ No One Heard What I Called The Asians”

The latest celebrity to fall out of favor and completely off the Politically Correct wagon is wrestling superstar Hulk Hogan. A transcript of a racist tirade allegedly spewed by Hogan – real name Terry Gene Bollea – made the rounds and [...]

Caitlyn Jenner Wants to be First US Senior Women’s Open Champion

Malibu, CA – The USGA is set to debut the first ever US Senior Women’s Open Championship tournament in 2018 and Caitlyn Jenner, 65, says she wants to be the first to hoist the trophy. Caitlyn Jenner – formally known as Bruce Jenner – [...]