(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)
<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.
Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”
“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday. “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water. But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner. Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”
WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however. “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun. But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time. If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”
The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally. Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years. But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.
“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning. “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less. Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station. What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”
What BS is this? So so so dumb. OK, sure, the solar panals are draining away every bit of energy of the sun which is roughly equal to 1,838,095,238 Tsar Bombas.
I’m so fed up with this media bullcrap.
Hilarious! Thank you for skewering the science- and reason-phobes.
Hahahahahahahaha!!! Which oil company does this “expert” work for? LMFAO!!!UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE
Wow !! that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Matt Rock, culinary artist and now Solar genius…be careful you don’t trip and fall off the edge of the earth
Huh? Ummm…if I remember correctly, the sun is so far away from the earth that the energy we are receiving, ie light, heat, radiation, were actually generated by the sun years ago, or am I wrong? But anyway, these so called scientists sound like morons, and Haliburton can go ahead and miss out on the solar revolution, and lose money, and hopefully go right out of business.
Yeesh!!
First of all, I’m not a left wing anti-capitalist. I’m just an engineer interested in the facts. Don’t believe everything you read, ESPECIALLY when the article says “experts say”. THIS is ABSOLUTE HOGWASH. First of all, the earth is so tiny compared to its orbit around the sun, it’s mathematically impossible. Let’s run the numbers. The earth has a diameter of 8000 miles. So the area of its surface as seen from the sun is Pi R Squared equals 200,000 square miles. The radius of the earth’s orbit is 93 million miles. The surface area of a sphere at that radius is 4 Pi R-squared, where R is 93 million miles, so that surface area of earth’s orbit is 1 x 10^17 square miles. Dividing the frontal area of the earth (200,000) by the total (1 x 10^17) gives us the percentage of the sun’s energy that the earth can possibly absorb under the most ideal conditions: 0.0000002 PERCENT. CASE CLOSED.
Anyone who did not simply realize this was a joke and enjoyed the writers satire on many interest group funded “studies” should promptly jump off a cliff. Really, close your laptop, turn off your monitor now and walk into the forest, never to return. Society doesn’t want you. K thanks. Night.
Surely, no one is dumb enough to not get this JOKE. Oh, I stand corrected.
Read the disclaimer at the bottom of the page.
Plants surely have been pulling the suns energy dry for years people. We need to act now, stop eating locally grown natural produce!! Lol
the sun gets fuck by meteors/comet some time even better then earth before earth was even here and some fucking SOLAR PANEL is going to kill the sun holy fuck we are doom.
Wow, I thought this was the Onion at first. This is so incredibly hilarious. Halliburton – that’s all you need to know to completely discredit this “study”. Thank you, National Report. We all needed a good laugh today.
All the angry posts in this thread…. This isn’t a news article it’s a piece of satire. WIT is an invented university (it doesn’t exist), the article is blatant satire and just for laughs. For sanity’s sake pl
Wait, is this a satire website?
Did the Onion write this? No, seriously?
People really read this and think they need to post an angry reply? Really? Sigh, there are just too many stupid people these days. Is it getting worse or is it just because it’s easier for stupid people to be heard today?
Zombie Apocalypse will come first, right? I’m not gonna miss the the infection, right? Say it ain’t so! It’s not fair!
So… to be clear: there’s folks who think that _LOOKING_ at the sun reduces its energy. That’s the same as a solar panel “seeing” the photons hitting it.
I know this is supposed to appeal to folks without a lot of education. Or folks who want to believe instead of know.
But you’d be a traitor to them, and a traitor to the honesty and trust they put in you.
You’d folks who lie to the innocent. You’d be the Barabaras, the Judas to your flock. You’d be the liars who deceive people to your ends.
Saying that “you have to be an idiot not to understand how light works” would insult people. So instead you USE that ignorance to further your pathetic ends.
Which I really don’t understand: there’s LOTS of money in solar. I’m in solar: I know how much money there is. What’s the matter: y’all aren’t able to compete on a level field?
Sad. Sad for pathetic moneybags who are afraid of a level playing field. Sad that you’re willing to scare folks who would benefit from a little basic science education (helpfully under attack in public schools).
Sad.
The stupidest thing I have heard in a long time. This beats everything that has ever come out of any idiots mouth in centuries. Really?? And they compared it to vacuuming from the bottom of the waterfall. Again, really? Can you not see the simple flaw in the crap logic? The water only falls as fast as the river above pushes it over the falls, and you would have to have on hell of a vacuum (think tornado) to pull that kind of water over a fall at all by force. Now imagine a tornado big enough to suck down the energy of the sun forcefully, something 109 times the circumference of the Earth, do you really think .15% of the surface of the Earth (the amount that is covered by pavement) can hold enough solar panels to provide that kind of pull (if it even could somehow ignore the laws of physics)? I really can only imagine that this is a prank of some sort, maybe to see how many people they can get to fall for it.
This is pure slug-level idiocy.
Seriously Blatant Bullsh!t, If your going to lie at least try to make it believable. You can pull on a waterfall all you want, but if the waterfall isn’t in a pipe to generate suction with you won’t get more water, you’ll get more empty air.
Ignore these corrupt government bribing self centered profiteers, its obvious their only motivation is to cling to a failing source of power despite the evident predictions of running out, they would have us doom ourselves to non-renewable fuel sources. IF you can’t even stay out of the way of those trying to improve the world for everyone including yourselves, then your doomed to failure, either by your own hands or by the feet of the masses trampling over you.
I would loooooove to see the data supporting this crock of BS..
Wait, if solar panels absorb the sun’s energy, what about bald people’s chrome domes? KILL ALL BALDIES NOW!
FACT:
Independent studies found that extraction of oil and gas to use as energy will:
-deplete the ice caps
-deplete life on earth
-deplete biodiversity
-deplete and enslave 3rd world
-deplete your economical instability
-deplete human health
how is that for a vacuum cleaner?
This is stupid. The earth is tiny as shit compared to the sun. We wouldn’t “drain” the sun in a few hundred years. This is some of the stupidest shit I’ve ever read.
Can I get paid to write bullshit like this? I have quite a few fictional stories I would like to publish and have taken seriously as if it were science.
Lol. Your independent report is cute.
Satire, people, SATIRE. This is not a true article…. it is a JOKE… relax… sigh….
They are just cells that absorb a portion of sunlight in the form of photons which then interact with electrons. this sunlight would hit the earth regardless of whats on it. there is no way a solar panel can drain the sun this article must be a joke
You people are all so small minded!
Does it even occur to you that the release of the sun’s energy is part of a solar cycle? And that removing energy from that cycle will inevitably take it out of equilibrium creating the equivalent of an extinction vortex on a stellar scale? You lefties are always yammering on about your larger picture, but you can’t pick and choose which bigger picture you see! If God wanted us to harness the power of the sun he would’vet given us solar power Himself! You’re all hypocrites!!
I am now rolling on the floor laughing! Whomever paid for this study needs to get a refund, the whole premise of this study is laughable an ironic since we all, now know that Wyoming Institute of Technology can be bought and sold. I needed a good laugh tonight, I just got it.
Solar Panels not only capture the sun’s energy but “force” the sun to produce more energy!
Dumbest thing I’ve read in a while. Another example of how we think of ourselves to be much more significant in the universe than we actually are.
Wow! This is so cool! I’m gonna patent a device to suck up all power from fire and get all the fireman out of work. I’ll go near a burning house, put all my solar panels and all of the suddent, no more fire. As for the sun, good for him. That will slow down the climatic warmup + I had so many sunburn that the sun can burn to hell. I can live a 0 degre kelvin, no problem if you would see my wife, you would know it’s true. I can’t hope to solar panel the entire surface of the earth and suck all the power from all the stars and become the center of the Universe. Yeah baby!
This guy has a point.
Wow this is the most retarded thing I’ve ever heard. Even if solar panels did drain the sun, which I doubt, the sun is fucking massive. These guys are saying that the Sun, a giant ball of energy with a mass roughly 330,000 times that of the Earth, could be sucked dry within 3 or 4 centuries by solar panels?
Just wow…
Haha, very funny – or in fact written to stir up silly comments from those who can’t tell that it’s satirical.
Having a large vacuum cleaner sucking up the water from a waterfall is going to drain the river….yeah…. riiiight….
And having a passive receiving device like a solar cell array is going to “suck” energy from the sun…. yes, I can see how that could happen…haha…not…
I hope everyone realises that this would be an April fools joke had it been published on the correct day, but as it wasn’t, then it’s simply a satirical piece of silliness written for fun.
…at least I truly HOPE the author wrote it that way, and didn’t actually believe in it.
So to be clear, it IS rubbish, please don’t get upset about it – he COULDN’T be serious.
Hahahahahaha……
It should be a crime to post shit like this.
Which study? Do you have a DOI? If yes, show it. Citation needed.
Which Halliburton press release? The latest press release [1], dated May 21st, does not even mention energy policy, it’s about human rights assesment (the stockholders voted against it).
What “Wyoming Institute of Technology”? There is only a “Wyoming Technical Institute” [2]
In the last paragraph you give a quote which you claim is by Halliburton. Source? Who said that?
I’m not going to comment on this piece of crackpottery, for everyone with a simple high-school physics background it’s “obvious” [3] what is happening here.
Dear Matt Rock, you’re a journalist (that’s what’s written below your article). You’re quoting papers, studies and press releases but didn’t provide sources. Would you please add the sources?
Thank you,
Alexander.
P.S.: You owe me a coffee, for I spilled mine during reading.
1. http://www.halliburton.com/public/news/pubsdata/press_release/2014/Halliburton-Q2-2014-Dividend-Stockholders-Meeting.pdf
2. http://www.wyotech.edu/
3. You quote someone who uses the term obvious, so I use it as well.
A large percentage of the population are already living in darkness because they choose not to believe in God. It says in the Bible that there will no longer be a sun when God returns to set up his kingdom on earth. It says God himself will be the light that we need for ever and ever!! People- put your faith in God Almighty to provide what you need in life. Trust in Him and you will have eternal life when you leave this earthly body. God Bless !!
Someone please tell me this is a late April Fool’s joke …
Have a banana – you deserve it
What a load of horse manure ! So if too many people sit around a fire warming themselves, the fire could go out ?
This is a joke, right? Was it origionally published in the Onion, or the Natinal Enquirer?
The key to understanding this extraordinary piece are the words ‘Halliburton Corporation.’ That destroys its credibility at once. Of course fossil fuel producers will malign solar power. The science seems a little ‘out there,’ too.
Haha nobody’s buying this. Funny how life reflects inner problems, as it is you guys who are getting energy drained. You’re like an organism that’s dying… Goodbye
So what about all the trees that suck in sunbeams? All over the world. We have to cut them down, now.
The Wyoming Institute of Technology does not exist, there is a Wyoming Technical Institute or Wyotech but thats something else!!!
This article is a satire, but not a very funny one. People are actually taking this seriously and, creepily, I feel this has a real agenda in advocating fossil fuels, which in a very short time will destroy our planet. Why they are pursuing this agenda is unsettling.
DO NOT FALL FOR IT!
It never ceases to amaze me that so few people can recognise satire when they see it.
Is this a satire site? Because this is truly hilarious!