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Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

 (AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

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1,892 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. The Sun says:

    Anyone that publishes such BS should be stripped of their credentials and college degrees!
    I imagine this dotard is a flat earther as well!

    I’m a huge gas ball burning my fuel fast AF and one day will expand so large that you’ll will die, if you don’t do it first by burning Fossil Fuels

    The Sun

  2. cool beans says:

    Now this is epic

  3. ImJusCurious says:

    If you use Sunlamps to light up the solar panels that power them, does that solve the problem? Or just trap the sun’s energy forever…

    • LALALA says:

      NO! the sun is already giving off energy for us all, all we are doing is using the suns energy to be more efficient and give us energy!

  4. John "Eurika" Smith says:

    It’s not the draining of the sun’s energy that we have to worry about, it’s the magnetic field that the traveling current will produce; which over time, will pull us closer to the sun. What’s worse, is that within the center/core of that magnetic field, if a solar flare up were to happen at just the right time, we could be nuked…

    … or simply discover time travel; When we’re blasted back to the stone age.

  5. nibba says:

    Bruh we need to finna save the sun. WE need to kill all them jews stealing my son like they steal my money.

  6. joe mama says:

    im doing an ela assignment and the comments gave it away

  7. John Gullible says:

    Wow this sure is a believable and reliable source!

  8. Bob Smith says:

    I’m using this as a source on my college research paper. I hope my professor thinks its funny and doesn’t fail me!! LOL

  9. Layne says:

    I am an advocate for the drainage of the sun’s energy. I have participated in marches and riots. I have dedicated my whole life to stopping solar panels and their fukcery. Also, I have heard that the sun’s rays are directly associated with masturbation in the USA. if we want to save our planet we must ban solar panels and stop masturbating.

  10. Huge kok says:

    Love the ads! no more masturbation!!

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