05292017Headline:

Man Shouts ‘Allahu Akbar’ Before Blowing Up Friend’s Inbox

Photo by Matthew G via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Photo by Matthew G via Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

De Pere, WI – A Wisconsin man is resting comfortably after an explosion rocked his inbox late Saturday afternoon. The blast occurred at approximately 4:45 pm leaving the victim, Anthony Stewart, 41, physically fine but emotionally drained. “The toll is a heavy one,” said a chaplain visiting the home.

A spokesperson for the Brown County Sheriff’s Department told the Green Bay Gazette that Amir Fahdi, 39, was questioned and released after multiple witnesses said he shouted “Allahu Akbar!” (God is Great) before launching the cyber attack outside a De Pere thrift shop.

Anthony said the onslaught began with a barrage of Facebook comments and soon erupted into a full-on mind fuck of emails, text messages, and gaming requests. “I barley know the guy,” said a shaken Stewart. “I updated my Facebook status with a Nirvana video and he became unhinged.”

Nirvana ticket posted to Mr. Stewart's Facebook page (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Nirvana ticket stub posted to Mr. Stewart’s Facebook by Fahdi (CC BY-SA 2.0)

“The motivation behind the assault has not yet been determined,” said Chad Manning, a spokesman for the Federal Bureau of Investigation. “We are exploring all possibilities of a potential motive,” he said.

Amir blew up Anthony’s Facebook page with practically a novella’s worth of comments about seeing Nirvana play live in the early nineties and even claimed to have hung out with the band in Madison, WI, while they recorded demo tracks for their mega-smash Nevermind album. “You could tell he was full of shit, but instead of calling him out I just typed ‘wow’ and ‘awesome’ hoping he’d get the hint and leave me alone,” Stewart said, “big mistake on my part.”

News of the explosion was reported by media organizations such as Breitbart, Infowars, and Fox News. A tweet Sunday morning from Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said: “I am deeply troubled by the bombing in De Pere. These stories cannot be swept under the rug #WIBombing.”
After several failed attempts to dodge Fahdi, a desperate Stewart told Amir he had to go care for his two-year-old son who may be coming down with a cold. “He wanted to come to my fucking house and treat him with homemade cold remedies. I was flabbergasted.”

It was then that Anthony checked his email account and discovered over 30 “ultra-rare” Nirvana MP3s had flooded his inbox. “This guy has serious issues,” said Stewart, “he may be radicalized.”

Brown County Deputy Daniel Benning said the public is not in danger and suggests that if anyone has any problems with Mr. Fahdi to simply ‘unfriend’ him and move on.

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