Papa John’s Pizza Tests Positive for HGH, Report Alleges

JEFFERSTOWN, Ky. – Papa John’s founder John Schnatter probably hoped spokesperson Peyton Manning’s HGH accusation troubles wouldn’t affect his pizza business, but increased scrutiny of Manning translates to added attention on Manning’s [...]
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Netflix Teams with Planned Parenthood for ‘Netflix and Pill’ Campaign

Los Gatos, CA – In an effort to capitalize on the popular catch phrase “Netflix and chill,” the movie streaming giant Netflix announced today they are teaming up with Planned Parenthood to promote birth control awareness in the hopes [...]
By Charlie Llewellin (Flickr: Eeyore's) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Starbucks Replacing Christmas with Hippie Drum Circles

SEATTLE, WA – Normal Americans all know the story. When Joseph and Mary, carrying the yet-unborn savior of the world, Jesus, reached Bethlehem on their ass burden, they were turned away when they knocked at the door to the Inn. It now [...]

Colorado Pot Shop to Provide Free Marijuana to Syrian Refugees

Denver, CO – Colorado will not join states refusing to accept Syrian refugees in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris. Governor John Hickenlooper has made it clear Colorado will cooperate with the federal government’s resettlement [...]

6 Insane Leaked Airbus Designs

// Airbus recently filed patents for several innovative new seating arrangements within the passenger cabins of their mass-transit air craft, but potential patrons are already wincing in disapproval. The latest patent confounding social media [...]
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Starbucks Reveals Plans To Open New Chain Of Gun-friendly Cafés

Hot on the heels of their successful acquisition and closure of  popular San Francisco-based c0ffee house chain La Boulangerie, Starbucks International  has revealed it plans to launch a nationwide series of Gun-friendly, firearm-themed cafes, [...]
(AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

Volkswagen to Replace Diesel Cars with Electric Ones

EAST BERLIN – Caught red handed trying to cheat emissions tests world wide, German auto manufacturer Volkswagen has vowed to replace it’s diesel cars with electric vehicles. “Ja . . . we sort of miffed that one.” says Designated [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Sarah Palin Signs Deal To Endorse Solar Powered Flashlight

WASILLA, Alaska – Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has signed an endorsement deal for an eco-friendly, solar-powered flashlight called “Sarah Palin’s Greenlight.” The former FOX News analyst and best-selling author attached her [...]
(AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)

JetBlue To Begin Weighing Passengers

LONG ISLAND, NY- Budget airline company JetBlue will begin weighing customers at the check-stations and will add luggage fees to passengers who are considered overweight or obese. “Because of the increased cost of our in-flight cable network, [...]

National Hobby Store Chain To Sell DIY Abortion Kits

In a stunning reversal of company policy, a large national hobby store chain has announced plans to sell a “do it yourself” abortion kit in its 500 stores and online. This change comes amid new findings about Planned Parenthood’s practice [...]
(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook Account Deactivated Over ‘Real Name’ Policy, Sources Say

MENLO PARK, Calif. – Due to a “boolean architecture error,” Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s own account was reportedly disabled after being flagged under the company’s 2014 “real name” policy, according [...]
(AP Photo/Paul Kizzle)

Mike Rowe Helps Promote Skilled Sex Trades

San Francisco, CA - One Hour Twerk ‘N’ Jerk, Womb Raider, and Latino Libido, all part of the Double Wishbone family of brands, announced today a first-of-its-kind partnership with Mike Rowe of TV’s “Dirty Rim Jobs” and “Some [...]
(AP Photo/Danny Johnston)

Facebook Confederate Flag Ban Encourages #NoFlaggingChallenge Trend

MENLO PARK, Calif – Facebook, the preeminent global social media service, has bowed to pressure and will begin banning posts containing the Confederate flag, joining the trending activity called #NoFlagging. Critics say the social media giant [...]
(AP Photo/Jim Cooper)

Source: Aaliyah Front Runner For First Woman On $10 Bill

The U.S. Department of the Treasury has recently stated that a woman will be featured on the U.S. ten-dollar bill starting in the year 2020. The move by the Treasury Department is timed to align with the one hundred year anniversary of women [...]
(Image Source:  Devorise Dixon/Facebook)

KFC Doubles Down with Rats

NEW YORK CITY, NY – Pizza Hut’s introduction of its Hot Dog Bites Pizza, a pizza with 28 hot dog bites baked into the crust, has taken the fast food industry by storm. “Pizza Hut’s really raised the bar with this one,” according to [...]
(AP Photo/Mark Lennihan)

Family Given Free HBO After Woman Dies On Hold With Time Warner Cable

When Claudia Fitzsimmons died last week while calling Time Warner Cable for customer support, her family was outraged and demanded answers. But today, the Fitzsimmons family says all is right again after Time Warner Cable offered them a three-month [...]