Photo by Dan Bock via Flickr (CC BY 4.0)

Ronald McDonald to Return in 2017 as “Ronald Reagan”

The news has swept the internet today that McDonald’s is planning to have corporate mascot Ronald McDonald “lay low” until the whole “creepy clown thing blows over”. The burger giant appears to be severely scaling [...]
Photo by Michael Ocampo via Flickr (CC BY 4.0)

Area Mall Offering 10% Discount to Non-Active Shooters

Appleton, WI – The Fox Valley Mall has come under fire (pun intended) for an ad placed in Sunday’s Press Gazette newspaper offering a mall-wide 10% discount to all “non-active shooters” during the month of October. This comes amid [...]

Stores Report “Run on Pressure Cookers” after NYC Bombing

Retailers across the United States are reporting a spike in sales of pressure cookers following alleged terrorist bombings in New York City and New Jersey over the weekend. While the New Jersey incident featured “pipe-bomb-style” [...]
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Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters Sues Donald Trump Over Use of Term “The Wall,” Says National Report

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters is suing Donald Trump over the real estate mogul’s use of the term “The Wall,” citing brand damage, intellectual property copyright infringement, and future loss of earnings, sources [...]
(AP Photo/LM Otero)

China’s Economic Recovery Result of Donald Trump Merchandise Sales

BEIJING — China’s rapid economic recovery, historically bolstered by foreign loan repayments and real estate deals, far outpaced quarterly financial projections, largely due to the overwhelming demand for Chinese manufactured, Donald Trump [...]

Whole Foods to Charge Cover at California Stores

Soon it will be a little more costly for health conscious Californians to get their Whole Foods “fix”. The Whole Foods grocery chain is allegedly considering adding a “sliding scale cover charge” to enter their California [...]

Marcus Bachmann Packs Fudge At Local Candy Factory

Marcus Bachmann, the conservative Christian counselor, and husband of former Minn. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, appeared at a downtown Minneapolis candy factory as part of a new, small business initiative. Michele Bachmann, who recently [...]
Photo by DonkeyHotey via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Trojan Name New Ultra-Thin Skin Condom after Donald Trump

Trojan, the world leader in modern condom technology, announced today the company has developed the world’s thinnest-skin condom to date, and will market the new condom after the thinnest-skinned man to ever run for President of the United [...]
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(Public Domain)

Casey Anthony Starting Business Specializing in Baby Photos

The woman who gained national attention for allegedly murdering her daughter and then becoming acquitted of the crime, is in the news again. Earlier this week, Casey Anthony has filed for a business license in the city of West Palm Beach. Her [...]

Papa John’s Pizza Tests Positive for HGH, Report Alleges

JEFFERSTOWN, Ky. – Papa John’s founder John Schnatter probably hoped spokesperson Peyton Manning’s HGH accusation troubles wouldn’t affect his pizza business, but increased scrutiny of Manning translates to added attention on Manning’s [...]
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Netflix Teams with Planned Parenthood for ‘Netflix and Pill’ Campaign

Los Gatos, CA – In an effort to capitalize on the popular catch phrase “Netflix and chill,” the movie streaming giant Netflix announced today they are teaming up with Planned Parenthood to promote birth control awareness in the hopes [...]
By Charlie Llewellin (Flickr: Eeyore's) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Starbucks Replacing Christmas with Hippie Drum Circles

SEATTLE, WA – Normal Americans all know the story. When Joseph and Mary, carrying the yet-unborn savior of the world, Jesus, reached Bethlehem on their ass burden, they were turned away when they knocked at the door to the Inn. It now [...]

Colorado Pot Shop to Provide Free Marijuana to Syrian Refugees

Denver, CO – Colorado will not join states refusing to accept Syrian refugees in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris. Governor John Hickenlooper has made it clear Colorado will cooperate with the federal government’s resettlement [...]

6 Insane Leaked Airbus Designs

// Airbus recently filed patents for several innovative new seating arrangements within the passenger cabins of their mass-transit air craft, but potential patrons are already wincing in disapproval. The latest patent confounding social media [...]
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Starbucks Reveals Plans To Open New Chain Of Gun-friendly Cafés

Hot on the heels of their successful acquisition and closure of  popular San Francisco-based c0ffee house chain La Boulangerie, Starbucks International  has revealed it plans to launch a nationwide series of Gun-friendly, firearm-themed cafes, [...]
(AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

Volkswagen to Replace Diesel Cars with Electric Ones

EAST BERLIN – Caught red handed trying to cheat emissions tests world wide, German auto manufacturer Volkswagen has vowed to replace it’s diesel cars with electric vehicles. “Ja . . . we sort of miffed that one.” says Designated [...]