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Area Mall Offering 10% Discount to Non-Active Shooters

Photo by Michael Ocampo via Flickr (CC BY 4.0)

Photo by Michael Ocampo via Flickr (CC BY 4.0)

Appleton, WI – The Fox Valley Mall has come under fire (pun intended) for an ad placed in Sunday’s Press Gazette newspaper offering a mall-wide 10% discount to all “non-active shooters” during the month of October. This comes amid a spate of mall attacks throughout the U.S., leaving many area shoppers and victim advocacy groups wondering how such a tasteless joke could ever make its way into print.

A spokesperson for the Fox Valley Mall told local reporters they had no knowledge of the ad and said an investigation is underway to determine where it may have originated from. However, the mall will still honor the 10% discount as advertised.


“Oh that’s a load of horsesh*t,” said a Fox Valley Mall employee who asked to remain anonymous. “There’s no way that ad just magically appeared in the Sunday paper,” he said, “this is the new age of viral marketing. Better get used to it.” The employee said the sleazy ad fits the mall owners M.O. perfectly. “They knew it would create a stir and get people talking, and that is exactly what’s happened.”

Roger Holloway, founder of the victim’s rights advocacy group Triggerz, agrees. “It’s that mentality that says anything is fair game in the name of profits. Hell, I wouldn’t put it past some of these shop owners to stage some sort of false flag attack to get the registers ringing again.”

Mr. Holloway says big chain stores like Starbucks are banking on the annual ‘War on Christmas’ hysteria to widen their year end profit margins. “They know that holiday cup and all the make-believe controversy that comes along with it is the key to their quarter’s earnings,” he said, “thank God for idiots who get offended year after year after year over a coffee cup eh?”

All calls to the investment group that owns the Fox Valley Mall have not been returned as of press time.

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3 Responses to "Area Mall Offering 10% Discount to Non-Active Shooters"

  1. Billy Bob Stankins says:

    That’s a pretty good deal, but you know in the politically correct world we live in today, a group of active shooters will get together and sue for discrimination.

  2. Julio says:

    Im obliged for the article.Much thanks again. Fantastic.

  3. roger outerbanks says:

    so anyone who doesn’t hold them at gun point get a 10% discount and anyone who does hold them at gun point would get a 100% discount

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