(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)
<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.
Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”
“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday. “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water. But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner. Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”
WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however. “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun. But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time. If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”
The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally. Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years. But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.
“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning. “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less. Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station. What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”
Beyond deeply staggered might begin to describe my reaction to this ‘research’.
By what power exactly do PVCs ‘suck’ energy out of the sun?
Do trees and flowers and grasses and cabbages have this secret suck power? Should I bring my tomato plants in?
Does skin suck? Is this the real reason we’ve been exhorted to cover-up when we go outside?
Haliburton is scared stupid that what with 7 billion suckers on the planet now the sun might go out too fast?
“Brought to you by FOX news, the only people who would believe this crap….
Just because one watches Fox news and is a Republican does NOT mean that they believe this, hence why I don’t support this bullshit.
I’m confused – is this not a spoof then? This can’t possibly be real… can it?
MY scientists say HALIBURTON is destroying the Ozone, causing global warming…AND cooling…
they also say petroleum causes birth defects…and that Cheyney isn’t even HUMAN…
Dick Cheney isn’t in charge of Halliburton anymore.
no, but you can bet he still makes money from all that he did..
Wow, this has really set a new low bar for inanity. If this is best that the forces behind carbon intensive energy can produce, then the future for renewables looks bright indeed.
They’ll do ANYTHING to convince us that solar power isn’t feasible.
Wait! What!?
Well of course Halliburton or any other government affiliate is going to tell the public a bunch of bullshit about the sun being drained of energy because it takes away from their money. That what this world is drivin on is money. The sad thing is that a large number of the general public believes them. Not me!
Isn’t Haliburton owned by the Bush family? And wasn’t George Bush Jr the lead “scientist” on the project?
Good one !
This is the greatest scientific discovery in years. This means when the solar panels pull at the sunrays they accelerate the sunbeams beyond the universally constant speed of light. We had to wait 100 years for this but luckily there was an independent think thank to prove Einstein wrong.
Jan wins the internet!
“To all You fargin sneaky bastages at Halliburton. I’m gonna take your dwork. I’m gonna nail it to the wall. I’m gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder. I’m gonna cut off your arms. I’m gonna shove ’em up your icehole. Dirty son-a-ma-batches!” How dare you besmirch my earth saving solar religion?
Roman Moroni, from 1984 movie, “Johnny Dangerously (slightly tweaked for this purpose)
Roman how ya been man.You fargin godam summinabeatch.
Halliburton wants people to believe this BS because they won’t make any money on it!!!
I see, so a privately paid for think tank is going to come up with their own science to support Haliburton? Interesting, if I could pay for my own science results I bet I could be a Politician in Washington DC too. Besides they’re murdering pieces of shit, killing soldiers because of their shoddy constructed barracks in Iraq
By the way, Halliburton holds billions of dollars of contracts and investment in oil…
Also, two words. White paper.
Bogus
This is the result of an extremely rare phenomenon. The successful publishing of an article like this requires the collaboration of a large number complete idiots.
Wow. Never read so much bull in my life. Wonder how they”measured” the sun’s energy drain.
not long ago, Sarah Palin’s message was “The End Time is Near.”
She didn’t have her End Time yet. To avoid sounding like a broken record, the nut jobs came up with this story.
“She didn’t have her End Time yet.”
Palin was talking about standing in line for anal sex.
I say let the big oil and fossil fuel companies go out of business, it is time that karma caught up to them and they go broke. They probably paid for this article to be written. We need more of the green energy and we know it. These people are willing to risk everybody’s lives jist so that they can stay rich.
This is the single most stupid thing that I have ever read. It’s just amazing to me the bull feces that some people are capable of coming up with and then the bull testicles they have to publish it and try to pass off as truth to the incredibly gullible and criminally stupid.
Apparently we need “to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less” because that makes perfect sense
I like how they didn’t even provide any evidence to back up that statement. Solar panels are BAD!!! So fossil fuels and coal must be…good?
Anyone notice how much more wind there’s been since wind turbines? Oh no!
Also… what if they’re trying to cool the planet with those turbines and it’s a big conspiracy!@!
But seriously.
Who ever wrote this deserves to be hit in the face repeatedly with a fly swatter.
Fossil fuels cause global warming, solar causes global cooling. There is just no way to please these environmental whack jobs.
Um no, I am pretty sure its the reactionaries of the deep far right who can’t get their head around the reality that renewables are the answer. Solar panels aren’t draining the sun retards, its the most dense and stupid thing ever put in print, so stupid that everyone suspects its an Onion style hoax.
That anyone needs to be told that this is a work of satire is a sad report on the intellectual state of America. Everyone here ranting and raving should be more ashamed of themselves than the idiots who blindly believe the article is real.
I’m thoroughly convinced that “Idiocracy” is a prophetic work of cinematic journalism and not just a comedy…the only caveat being that it didn’t take 500 years for the dumbing down of America to transpire.
Of course this story shows up “conveniently” after a video on converting our roads and parking lots to solar panels. I sincerely hope that any “scientist” involved in this “privately owned (Halliburton) think tank” is professionally blackballed. What some people will do for money…
America’s #1 Independent News Team … with Sarah Palin ????? WTF
Ha Ha HA HA HAHAHAHAHA! Another fart for FOX News, for sure! HaHa-Halliburton.
About Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT):
WyoTech is dedicated to career-oriented education in the automotive, diesel, motorcycle, plumbing, electrician, HVAC, and watercraft engine repair fields. WyoTech’s programs meet industry specifications and standards.
Not astro-scientists, but rather a trade-training institute which includes vehicle mechanics. Considering the source – article comes off WIT-less.
We should all stop thinking. The electrical charges in our brain are stealing energy from what could be used to power the National Grid, and for playing Angry Birds on our iPad.
Hahahah, love it!
This is the worst kind of bullshit.
Bwhahahah, now that’s funny!
Thank you for continuing in your courageous fight for truth and exposing the shameless ignorance and heart breaking, partisan mentality of my fellow countrymen. This excellent article is the whipped topping on the “apple pie of patriotic truth” that you have served up to us in the past. With your expose on the removal of “in God we trust” and of the liberals lighting the “wildfires” to force their global warming agenda I am almost moved to tears… Or laughter.
Surprised and skeptical of the article… …scroll down… “Halliburton…” Oh, never mind.
So disturbing that even our school research labs can be bought.
Halliburton joins University of Wyoming’s list of energy donors –
http://wyofile.com/gregory_nickerson/halliburton-joins-university-of-wyomings-list-of-energy-donors/#sthash.lO7g56qY.dpuf
Wait! I know the solution! Every concerned citizen could just restore the sun’s energy by shining back at the sun using a hand torch! Preferably at night, when the sun’s charge is at it’s lowest! Preferably from a rooftop so that their recharge light travels more quickly! That way we will always be able to tell concerned citizens apart from the rest of us, sun consumerists.
There’s a brainstorming session going on on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1413213658963061&id=100008233210822&comment_id=1413654568918970
Sorry, I’m new here…
is that an ironical website? .-)
Fuck Halliburton.
what an absolute load of twaddle. Just say to yourself solar panels drain the energy from the sun. i i i cant bloody do it its ridiculous. im sure any 10 year old with a decent education could figure out that solar panels dont work that way.
I’m betting that any 10 year old could figure out that this is satire.
So let me get this straight. Humans cannot effect the climate of the earth because we are just too insignificant to be able to do that — BUT we can drain the energy from the sun with solar panels….. Just another whack job by the lobbyist for big OIL
I’m amazed that people can read these articles and not get it.
Just go to the main page and read the other articles.
Humor website people. Fake news. Funny comments.
Please, please, please tell me this web site is similar to The Onion! Especially the part that says “Solar panels destroying the sun COULD POTENTIALLY be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world.” Geee, ya think destroying the sun would be bad?!! That right there screams to me of satire. If Halliburton honestly believes this garbage then lets destroy the Sun because we are all doomed anyway.
I wondered how much these guys got paid to sit around a desk and actually try to measure the drainage of the sun.(BS) I do like the Waterfall comparison. Yet again by using the waterfall as a comparison they only shot themselves in the foot on what they were trying to get across.
You would have to drain more energy than the source of said energy can produce. If you could do that then yes you would drain the source. Except solar panels absorb the suns energy and converts that energy into electricity. The key word is “Absorbs” just like trees and us and well everything on this beautiful planet. We all absorb the suns energy. We can never take more than what is given by the sun, so we will never drain the sun.
Next thing you know Haliburton will say, “the moon is draining the suns energy because there is nothing living on the moon and therefore is wasting the suns energy.”
Dude……This website is fake. Like ‘The Onion’? You know, a joke….
Boy, it probably took you so long to write this comment for an article CLEARLY intended to be sarcasm. Just browse around this site. You should check out TheOnion.com as well, there’s some BS science on there!
Nuke the moon… problem solved…
Wow, Pure stupidity. No matter how much you “vacuum” from a waterfall it would not affect how much water flows in the river upstream of that waterfall only the amount downstream.. I say that “think tank” needs to be disbanded
I sat here and watched you boneheads go on the defense of solar energy being finite for my own amusement. However, at the end of the day one would have to ask how stupid could you really be to take the time to post a serious retort to a satirical piece? I mean…this clearly shows those of you who jumped on your political bandwagon need to be a part of a team due to being unable to think for yourselves.
^^^ double bone head
The article, although apparently satirical, was taken seriously by many as just more dishonest propaganda we hear about daily from the likes of Fox so-called News and Tea Party Republicans and their campaign ads (& the Bush II administration’s WMD lies to get into Iraqi War to further enrichen Cheney’s Halliburton).
But do realize there are only about 20 comments, in contrast to the hundred thousand’s of likes and shares. The collective ratio of those who understood it isn’t awful, it’s just the comments area that mis-read it. Same thing with the Onion.
The vacuum under a waterfall is piss poor because a vacuum under a waterfall doesn’t force more water over the falls.
WOW.
The entire thing start to finish is a farce.
are you fucking serious? the title of the fucking article shoudl have been enough to tell you this is made up bull shit. SOLAR PANELS operate on a CHEMICLE REACTION that accurs when ULTRAVIOLET light interacts with its constituents (it doesn’t ABSORB any-fucking-thing). Secondly teh sun pours out so much radiation we’d all be dead if it were not for the magnetic field that protects earth from its onslaught. Why in teh fuck could you possibly believe that any MAN MADE device could “drain” it of that energy? for fuck sake we can’t even DUPLICATE the suns method of energy production!
My sentiments, EXACTLY. “A” scientific research . . . yeah, right. What they’re implying is that solar panels are magnet-like-sip-through-a-straw fiasco. If that’s TRULY (highly skeptical) the reality, we can create/implement passive type panels that use indirect solar rays.
TOTAL BS to the nth degree.
I agree with you 100% This is just another way for the government to force us to use fossil fuel! So what about the rest of the solar system? doesn’t the rest of the planets take energy from the sun? I mean what kind of bs is that. Now how many times does the earth fits in the sun?!!! get my point? To affirm that the sun will die within 300 to 400 hundred years if the earth becomes a solar panel planet is beyond stupid.
I just hope Halliburton doesn’t sell equipment, which sucks oil out of the well, because if they do our oil wells would be drained completly and not flowing for ever !!!
I think this may well be most idiotic, stupid, and asinine article I have ever read. I will not even begin to criticize the “science” used to come to their conclusion. I really wonder if there is a single person over the age (mental age, at least) of 10 (probably 7 would work, too) who is actually uneducated and naive enough to believe a single word of this total fabrication.
This website is fake. Like ‘The Onion’? You know, a joke….
It’s satirical…congratulations. Read the about site and the bottom of the page.
*FACEPALM*
This was not supposed to be genuine. National Report is a satirical website (aka comparable to Cracked, The Onion, Uncyclopedia, etc.)
It is SUPPOSED to be bullshit.
(Also, you’d be surprised how many people know so little about science that they’d believe this stuff)
Aaaaaaah you fell for it. Haha
That’s exactly what I say.
I smell a giant pile of bullshit.
All that bs just to convince people that we need to stick with fossil fuels? I’m flabbergasted.
Big oil was scraping the bottom of the barrel for this idea. They must really thing their constituants are dumber than dirt.
Well, if they are from Wyoming… 🙂
My mind is at a loss to think of any idea that could be stupider than this
Just look in the mirror and see the face of someone stupider than this.
You are reading a parody website. Check out their top headlines “Super Mario 3DS linked to Juvenile Delinquency”, “Obama Announces Run for Third Term”.
Maybe there could be another kind of panels that would beam fossil fuel generated energy back to the sun. That way we could have renewable energy without disappointing the big oil companies.
You’re hired.
The most frightening about this is that so many people think it’s a genuine scientific article…. God bless America, and their educational system!
come on guys… nationalreport.net is a satirical website
come on guys… nationalreport is a satirical website. I can’t believe everyone is taking this seriously! Although it says something about Halliburton that they don’t think this is outside the realm of possibility
is the national report the new Onion?