12202014Headline:
(AP Photo/Achmad Ibrahim)

Facebook To Be Shutdown For A Full Week To Perform Standard Maintenance

<National Report> Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook founder and CEO, has announced that the social media giant will experience a week-long shutdown, due to standard maintenance being performed on the site. Starting at midnight PST on January [...]
(AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

NRA’s Wayne LaPierre: “The Liberal Media Never Reports About All Of The Times That People Weren’t Killed By Guns”

Fairfax, VA – Following the second anniversary of the tragic school shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown, Conn., NRA President Wayne LaPierre lashed out at the “liberal media’s” obsession with gun violence. “Sure, [...]
The-Force-Awakens-Ending

LEAKED: Star Wars: The Force Awakens Ending

Last week a person by the name of Spoiler Man went on a Star Wars: The Force Awakens leak rampage! According to his leaks, there will be no Boba Fett, no Darth Revan and at least no Jar Jar Binks or Ewoks. “The film is dystopian and darker [...]
darren-wilson-retirement-luxury-tropical-island-c

Darren Wilson To Retire In Style Courtesy of Generous Donations From His Supporters

// // // ]]> Darren Wilson, the officer who was acquitted in the murder of Mike Brown, has resigned from his position at the Ferguson Police Department. Since Wilson’s departure from the police force, the 28-year-old high school [...]
(image: Michael Gil  Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic 800px-Ambulance_Toronto_March_2010_(1)

Top Conservative In Critical Condition After Refusing Blood Transfusion From ‘Minority’, Says He’d Rather Die

<National Report>Conservative hero and Tea Party-backed Representative Jay Wilson (R-NC2), is reportedly in critical condition after being involved in a multi-vehicle collision near Raleigh. Duke Raleigh Hospital ER Supervisor Dr. Gardiah [...]
3-Obama_ThanksGiving_Turkey_Pardon_- original-2009 (image- Lawrence Jackson - Public Domain - Wikimedia Commons

Obama’s Pardoned Turkey Sickens Hundreds At Soup Kitchen

<National Report>The turkey that President Obama pardoned, then donated to a Washington DC soup kitchen has reportedly sickened scores of women, children, and the homeless with what appears to be a strain of E coli bacteria. The ceremonial [...]
Bill Cosby US Navy photo by Scott King - Public Domain - Wikimedia Commons

Bill Cosby: I’m Being Raped By The Right-Wing Media

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The news just got worse for comedian and once beloved TV dad Bill Cosby amid mounting allegations of sexual assault. First came word that Netflix postponed a Nov. 27 premiere of Cosby’s new standup routine, then [...]
(image source: Parihav at the English language Wikipedia [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/)], via Wikimedia Commons)

Mom Sues Homeowner Association To Allow Trick-Or-Treating Access For Her Kids

<National Report>”I just want my kids and their friends to have the same opportunities as all of the other kids,” said concerned mom, Robin Flores. Flores, a resident of Chandler, Arizona has threatened a lawsuit against a [...]
Breaking Bad Season Six

Vince Gilligan Announces Breaking Bad Season 6; Begins Shooting Jan. 2015 – Walt Did Not Die!

Hollywood, CA — Breaking Bad fans around the world are celebrating the stunning, glorious and amazing news announced today: Walter White is not dead, and there will indeed be a sixth season of the wildly-popular, award-winning AMC drama. This [...]
Mark Zuckerberg, Founded Facebook

Zuckerberg to Use “Satire Tags” to Protect Ignorant Facebook Users – The National Report Responds

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief *SARCASM: Another term for verbal irony–the act of ostensibly saying one thing but meaning another. See further discussion under irony. *SATIRE: An attack on or criticism of any stupidity or vice [...]
AlexWagner

MSNBC Anchor Resigns; Admits to Spreading “Lies on Behalf of Obama”

<National Report>According to inside sources, MSNBC host Alex Wagner, host of “NOW with Alex Wagner”, resigned from her post today after 2 1/2 years with the network citing ethical and moral concerns. In a resignation letter [...]
Goating1

National Report Facebook Page Attacked by Bizarre “Goat” Cult!

<National Report>In a process referred to as “goating”, a group of angry internet trolls have taken over the National Report Facebook page. At approx. 3:45pm this afternoon a liberal hacker infiltrated the admin position of [...]
Barack Obama

Obama Announces Plans For A Third Term Presidential Run

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama shocked the country this morning with news that he is running for a third term. “I can’t abandon the American people now when they need me more than ever,” Obama told reporters at a [...]