09222014Headline:
2014-09-15 09.32.48

Kanye West Says “Disabled Don’t Just Deserve Respect”

Kanye West, the often controversial rapper known for his egotism, has come under criticism after refusing to continue a show in Sydney until all the attendees stood up for his next song. He spotted two people who hadn’t stood at his request [...]
Henry Rollins Commits Suicide

Henry Rollins Commits Suicide In Wake Of Robin Williams Backlash

Henry Rollins, the former punk musician turned liberal talking-head, has gruesomely ended his own career at the age of 53. In a piece for the LA Times titled ‘F*ck Suicide!’ Rollins blathered his uninvited opinion on the death of [...]
MZ1

Zuckerberg to Use “Satire Tags” to Protect Ignorant Facebook Users – The National Report Responds

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief *SARCASM: Another term for verbal irony–the act of ostensibly saying one thing but meaning another. See further discussion under irony. *SATIRE: An attack on or criticism of any stupidity or vice [...]
dqla6

Fundamentalist Chef Will Bake Koran on Live TV

DEQUINCY, LA – A Louisiana Television Chef has announced his intention to bake the Koran in an upcoming cooking show. Chef Paul Horner, whose late night Cajun cooking show appears at 11:00 PM on Thursdays with reruns throughout the weekend, [...]
jesse-ventura-sues-chris-kyle-widow

Jesse Ventura Plans To Have ‘American Sniper’ Author Chris Kyle Posthumously Court Martialed

<National Report>Former Minnesota governor, Jesse Ventura, has recently won a defamation suit against the widow of author Chris Kyle. The lawsuit stems from the late soldier’s book ‘American Sniper’, in which he claims [...]
AlexWagner

MSNBC Anchor Resigns; Admits to Spreading “Lies on Behalf of Obama”

<National Report>According to inside sources, MSNBC host Alex Wagner, host of “NOW with Alex Wagner”, resigned from her post today after 2 1/2 years with the network citing ethical and moral concerns. In a resignation letter [...]
Anthony Cumia & Carlton enjoying the 4th of July weekend

Anthony Cumia of the Opie & Anthony Show Beaten by Group of Savage Negros Fired by SiriusXM

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief While photographing the night lights of Time Square well known as one of the most photographed sites in the U.S. Anthony Cumia of the highly popular Opie and Anthony Show was attacked by a violent black [...]
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says [...]
Goating1

National Report Facebook Page Attacked by Bizarre “Goat” Cult!

<National Report>In a process referred to as “goating”, a group of angry internet trolls have taken over the National Report Facebook page. At approx. 3:45pm this afternoon a liberal hacker infiltrated the admin position of [...]
President Obama Third Term

Obama Announces Plans For A Third Term Presidential Run

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama shocked the country this morning with news that he is running for a third term. “I can’t abandon the American people now when they need me more than ever,” Obama told reporters at [...]
ReaganHologram

Fox News Creating Show Hosted by Ronald Reagan Hologram

<National Report>Fox News has mentioned Ronald Reagan quite a bit in the past.  But next year, Reagan himself will get to do the talking, when Fox unveils their new “holo-anchor” technology to the world, with the former [...]
Obama The Black House

EX-SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Barack Obama Is A Gay Muslim & Michelle Obama Is Transsexual

A former Secret Service agent whose new book is quickly climbing Amazon’s best-seller charts, currently ranking 68th overall, said he is concerned about the state of the country and says it is time the public knows the truth about the President [...]
Landing DPRK

CNN Planning Hour-Long Show Devoted to Missing Plane

<National Report>CNN has taken some sharp criticism recently over their nonstop, and often comically speculative, coverage of missing Malaysia Airlines flight 370, and today, it was revealed that CNN hasn’t taken that criticism to [...]
Kanye-West-performs-fred-phelps-funeral

Kanye West Scheduled To Perform At Westboro Baptist Church Fred Phelps Funeral

Kanye West has been scheduled to perform at Fred Phelps funeral procession next week in Topeka, Kansas. The aging patriarch of the infamous Westboro Baptist church passed away yesterday afternoon shortly after he had been transferred to a local [...]
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CNN’s “Breaking News Machine” Explodes, Breaks Down

<National Report>Atlanta, GA–Sources in Atlanta, GA are reporting that the CNN “Breaking News Machine” has, in fact, broken. By all reports, it appears that CNN’s vaunted “Breaking News Machine” began making a funny, clicking [...]
george-zimmerman-childrens-book

George Zimmerman Set To Release Children’s Book Series

It seems as if George Zimmerman has found a new calling in life. One that could possibly help restore his public image and help children around the world to avoid situations similar to the one that cost Trayvon Martin his life. Zimmerman, along [...]