Mariah Carey Asked Not To Perform at Donald Trump’s Inauguration

TRUMP TOWER, N.Y. — Members of Donald Trump’s transition team, tasked with finding Inauguration Day performers, have politely declined singer Mariah Carey’s offer to sing during the festivities, sources say. Carey’s disastrous New Year’s [...]

Sarah Jessica Parker Stars In “Mrs. Ed,” Talking Horse Sitcom Reboot

NEW YORK, N.Y. — Sarah Jessica Parker, best known as Sex in The City‘s “Carrie Bradshaw,” will return to the small screen this spring, show-running a new, multi-camera sitcom for CBS, called Mrs. Ed. The series will update [...]

Reality TV Worse for Your Health than Meth, Study Finds

WYOMING—A recent study from the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) has shown that watching reality TV is worse for your brain function than chronic methamphetamine abuse. Previous studies have shown that long term meth use greatly reduces [...]

Pokémon Go Character Jynx Dies After Being Left In Hot Car

BOSTON, Mass. — Jynx, the controversial Pokémon character whose dark-skinned appearance was altered to appease advocates of political correctness, is dead. Authorities say Jynx was left in a hot car “for quite some time,” during [...]

Emmy Awards Announce Addition of “Best Crisis Actor” Category

Crisis actors have been fighting for over a decade to get a category for their work added to The Oscars, but it was the Television Academy this week that showed its branch is more open minded when it comes to updating its awards ceremony to [...]

BREAKING: Bristol Palin Struck by Semi

Wasilla, AK – Bristol Palin is home resting comfortably after being struck by a semi late Friday night. The 25-year-old unwed mother of two was reportedly broadsided outside Krazy Moose Subs near the intersection of E Herning Ave and [...]

Bill Cosby Legal Team Denied Motion to Add Laugh Track to Victims’ Depositions

MONTGOMERY COUNTY, Pa. — Attorneys for Bill Cosby, following a judge’s decision that the comedian and actor must stand trial over allegations that he drugged and sexually assaulted a woman in 2004, filed a motion to “enhance” victims’ [...]

Kennedy Center Honorees To Be Shot In Head Before Receiving Award

WASHINGTON — The Kennedy Center Honors bestows awards to five performing artists whose creative contributions have enriched the American cultural landscape. Named after the nation’s 35th president, a patron of the arts himself, the annual [...]

Obama to Paint Lincoln Bedroom Purple to Honor Prince

The tributes to late pop singer Prince have been many in the days following his untimely passing at the age of 57. In Minnesota, the Interstate 35 West bridge was lit purple in Prince’s honor. Similar tributes happened in New Orleans, [...]

Trump Parody ‘Hump University’ Crashes Pornhub Servers

HOUSTON, TEXAS – The highly anticipated Donald Trump porn parody, Hump University, was leaked online yesterday, causing a 69% spike in traffic to the world’s largest pornography site, Pornhub, resulting in the company’s Houston based [...]

Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Trial Ends in “Not Hung” Jury

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. – Citing “the absence of substantial physical evidence,” the jury in the Hulk Hogan sex tape trial failed to reach a verdict in the celebrity wrestler’s $100MM privacy invasion lawsuit against Gawker Media. “We [...]

Marco Rubio Bio ‘Too Small To Fail’ Hits Bookshelves

MIAMI, Fla. – An “unauthorized” biography of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, entitled Too Small To Fail:  The Marco Rubio Story, will hit bookshelves before the end of the month. The slim paperback, authored by Kitty Kelsen, examines [...]

Black Bear From “The Revenant,” To Boycott Oscars Over Lack of Diversity

HOLLYWOOD – Bart, the veteran black bear who figures prominently in Leonardo DiCaprio’s latest film, The Revenant, will not attend this year’s Oscars, joining the growing list of performers who will boycott the Feb. 28 [...]

Ted Nugent to Release New ‘Greatest Shits’ Collection

Detroit, MI – County fair rocker Ted Nugent is set to release a new ‘Greatest Shits’ collection, which will focus primarily on his most repugnant of spoken turd engagements. Recorded at various talk radio stations and other right-wing [...]