02252017Headline:

Man Shouts ‘Allahu Akbar!’ Before Photobomb

Amsterdam, Netherlands – According to Dutch police, a crazed man detonated a devastating photobomb on an unsuspecting newlywed couple visiting Amsterdam on their honeymoon. The couple, John and Maggie Hillard from Manistique, Michigan, was [...]

U.S. Considers Raising National Alert Level over Clown Threat

Due to the increase of ‘creepy clown threats’ across the United States over the past few weeks, the United States Government has allegedly begun meetings regarding dealing with this threat on a national level. While local authorities [...]

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Sinking Titanic

SINONE, Iraq – The Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL) has claimed responsibility for the catastrophic 1912 sinking of the RMS Titanic. Long believed to be a tragic accident, today’s announcement raises new questions about a possible [...]

Man Shouts ‘Allahu Akbar’ Before Blowing Up Friend’s Inbox

De Pere, WI – A Wisconsin man is resting comfortably after an explosion rocked his inbox late Saturday afternoon. The blast occurred at approximately 4:45 pm leaving the victim, Anthony Stewart, 41, physically fine but emotionally drained. [...]

You Will Not Believe What One Homeless Man Found In A Dumpster

A local homeless man made a horrific discovery last night when he found a discarded photo of a newborn infant in a Springfield, Illinois dumpster. Police are now looking for the person who callously left the photo of the newborn in the dumpster [...]

KISS Army Veteran Tommy Thayer Accused of Stolen Valor

Terre Haute, IN – KISS Army veteran Tommy Thayer may finally face stolen valor charges after a KISS Army soldier in Terra Haute, IN, discovered an official KISS t-shirt featuring the scab guitarist’s likeness in place of original six-stringer [...]

Cincinnati to Create “Leash Law” for Children under 12

After the unfortunate shooting death of Harambe the gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, the internet and others with the actual ability to enact policy have begun thinking of how future crises involving children could be averted. Many Monday morning [...]

NRA Member Praises “Good Guy With A Gun” In Cincinnati

“We really dodged a bullet on Saturday, pun not intended of course,” said proud NRA member Thomas Ripley of La Grange, OH on a now deleted Facebook post. “If it wasn’t for that ‘good guy with a gun’, not [...]

Woman Charged with Attempted Murder after Beating Husband with ‘Festivus Pole’

Marinette, WI – A holiday tradition inspired by the 90’s hit television sitcom Seinfeld left a Marinette man in the hospital and his wife in jail facing attempted murder charges, according to the Marinette County Sheriff’s Department. Marinette [...]

BREAKING: ‪#‎thoughtsandprayers‬ Bring Two San Bernardino Shooting Victims Back to Life

San Bernardino, CA – In what can only be described as divine intervention, two San Bernardino shooting victims that were pronounced dead by the SBC deputy coroner yesterday, have suddenly come back to life, lowering the body count down to [...]

Ben Carson Named Possible Suspect in Unsolved 1970 Stabbing

Detroit, MI – Former neurosurgeon turned GOP frontrunner Ben Carson is being considered a ‘person of interest’ in an unsolved stabbing that left one man dead outside a Detroit pizza parlor in 1970, sources say. The victim, Grady [...]

Oscar Pistorius Released From Prison, Ankle Bracelet Monitor Part of House Arrest

JOHANNESBURG — Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee who fatally shot his girlfriend in 2013, was released from prison and placed under house arrest on Monday night. The exact details of Pistorius’ release were withheld to [...]

Ben Carson Charged As Accessory To Armed Robbery In Popeyes Restaurant Holdup

ATLANTA, Ga. – Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson was named as an accessory to armed robbery for a face-to-face encounter he had with an armed gunman at a Baltimore Popeyes restaurant, sources say. “I believe that you want [...]

Ferguson Dentist Pays $50k to Shoot 7ft 350lb Protester

Ferguson, MO – In Ferguson, Darnell “Bigg Worm” Jenkins was famous and beloved. He was a 23-year-old civil rights activist/hip hop artist who was a main feature at The Ready Room in nearby St. Louis. According to Ferguson PD, Jenkins [...]