02122016Headline:
panda

Rocker/Activist Ted Nugent, 67, Shoots Beloved Panda

CRAWFORD, Tex. – Rocker/activist Ted Nugent is just one of the millions swept up in the “Find The Panda” craze, but Texas authorities say the hunting rights advocate took things a step too far. Some people who can’t find the panda [...]
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Muslim College Professor Fired for Giving Students Hijabs

A Muslim Professor at Carlson Community College (CCC) in North San Jose, California has been relieved of his duties for providing hijabs to his students. A complaint was called in to police last week sparking an investigation into the Professor’s [...]
(AP Photo/David Goldman)

Woman Charged with Attempted Murder after Beating Husband with ‘Festivus Pole’

Marinette, WI – A holiday tradition inspired by the 90’s hit television sitcom Seinfeld left a Marinette man in the hospital and his wife in jail facing attempted murder charges, according to the Marinette County Sheriff’s Department. Marinette [...]
(AP Photo/David Goldman)

BREAKING: ‪#‎thoughtsandprayers‬ Bring Two San Bernardino Shooting Victims Back to Life

San Bernardino, CA – In what can only be described as divine intervention, two San Bernardino shooting victims that were pronounced dead by the SBC deputy coroner yesterday, have suddenly come back to life, lowering the body count down to [...]
By Herkie (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Machete Wielding Lunatic Slices Through NRA Center

17 people hacked up at National Rifle Association Center in Boulder, CO BOULDER CO – A suspected Anti-2nd Amendment hatchet-man was arrested Friday after hacking up a Boulder, CO NRA Center with a machete and other blade weapons, wounding [...]
(AP Photo/David Goldman)

Family Named “Doorbuster” Victims of Home Invasion, Gift Theft on Black Friday

JOLIET, Ill. – A suburban Chicago family with the last name “Doorbuster” fell victim to bargain hunting criminals who broke into their home and stole gifts while the family was out Christmas tree shopping. Police were initially [...]
(AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

Ben Carson Named Possible Suspect in Unsolved 1970 Stabbing

Detroit, MI – Former neurosurgeon turned GOP frontrunner Ben Carson is being considered a ‘person of interest’ in an unsolved stabbing that left one man dead outside a Detroit pizza parlor in 1970, sources say. The victim, Grady [...]
(AP Photo/Mujahid Safodien, Pool)

Oscar Pistorius Released From Prison, Ankle Bracelet Monitor Part of House Arrest

JOHANNESBURG — Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius, the double-amputee who fatally shot his girlfriend in 2013, was released from prison and placed under house arrest on Monday night. The exact details of Pistorius’ release were withheld to [...]
(AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

Ben Carson Charged As Accessory To Armed Robbery In Popeyes Restaurant Holdup

ATLANTA, Ga. – Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson was named as an accessory to armed robbery for a face-to-face encounter he had with an armed gunman at a Baltimore Popeyes restaurant, sources say. “I believe that you want [...]
(AP Photo/Timothy D. Easley)

EMI to Sue Kim Davis, Mike Huckabee for “Unauthorized Public Performance” of Song ‘Eye of the Tiger’

Embattled Rowan County Clerk, Kim Davis, was ordered to be released from jail today by a U.S. District Court Judge. Davis was jailed on September 3rd for refusing a court order that forbid her from denying marriage licenses to same-sex couples. [...]
(AP Photo/Michael Conroy)

Jared Fogle Will Get Footlongs, 6 Inches While In Prison

Concerned with gaining back the weight he lost after years of consuming 12” turkey sandwiches, former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle, who pled guilty to federal child pornography charges, has reportedly put in a special dietary request as [...]
(AP Photo/Jeff Roberson, File)

Ferguson Dentist Pays $50k to Shoot 7ft 350lb Protester

Ferguson, MO, - In Ferguson, Darnell “Bigg Worm” Jenkins was famous and beloved. He was a 23-year-old civil rights activist/hip hop artist who was a main feature at The Ready Room in nearby St. Louis. According to Ferguson PD, Jenkins was [...]
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What to Wear During A Mass Shooting

NEW YORK, N.Y. – How many times have you said to yourself: I wouldn’t be caught dead in that outfit!” Self-proclaimed “fashionista” Edith Headley has heard the expression one too many times, and by arming herself with needle [...]
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Cosby Accusers May Face Felony Possession Charges For Ingesting Quaaludes

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief In an already surreal case that many Americans are still coming to terms with, the Cosby investigation has once again taken an unexpected turn as Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), investigators [...]
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)

BREAKING: Operation Jade Helm Claims First Civilian Casualty

Porter, TX, – According to multiple sources, Operation Jade Helm 15 has claimed its first civilian casualty Saturday night just east of Porter, Texas. Around 7:15 p.m. Saturday, Pct. 4 Deputy Constable Buford Gleason and two Montgomery [...]
(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Amy Schumer Offered Police Protection After Lafayette Theater Shooting, Says Report

LAFAYETTE, La. – Renewed calls for stricter background checks and gun control regulations were issued after Thursday’s deadly movie theater shooting in Lafayette, La., that left three dead and at least nine injured. The shooting occurred [...]