For those of you who are actively avoiding the Black Friday Shopping frenzy, and actually looking forward to spending meaningful time with your family and friends, National Report has lovingly put together a list of new and unique ways to create memorable experiences during this year’s Thanksgiving celebration.
Surprise Thanksgiving Roasts
One great way to involve folks in holiday oriented entertainment is to make the tried-and-true Thanksgiving meal into an unwitting scavenger hunt! Similar to the traditional Mardi Gras King’s cake, in which a small coin or figure of baby Jesus is hidden inside, we recommend you hide something small or unexpected inside of at least one of the main dishes or desserts. Staff picks include a set of false teeth submerged in Great Aunt Muriel’s homemade cherry cheesecake, or a modest bag of mixed prescription medication concealed in the mashed potatoes.
Once these unanticipated objects have been discovered, announce the finder as the subject of a brutal holiday roast! This game is a hilarious idea for all-inclusive entertainment, as everyone can criticize and berate the winner under the pretense of light-hearted ribbing, providing hours of amusement, and an acceptable excuse to dish out both emotional abuse, while creating fond memories for years to come.
Truth Or Dare
Do you suspect your family and/or friends are holding out on some dark secrets or privy to juicy need-to-know gossip? Well, there’s no better way to really know your loved ones more intimately than to play an alcohol-fueled variant of truth or dare, also known as Spin the Bottle! If alcohol may not be effective for the family that already regularly drinks together, just use the CIA’s favorite truth serum, Scopolamine, and spike their drinks.
Of course, children must be excluded from this game due to its adult themes, so I suggested you shut them away in a distant room as to prevent any trauma due to all the familial skeletons figuratively pouring out of the closet. Who knew that Aunt Terri actually DID get rid of Uncle Berry for his $100,000 life insurance policy, and that he wasn’t simply a victim of an unfortunate, and unsolved hit-and-run accident? You never know what you might learn about your family’s history!
Outdoor Scavenger Hunt
Like most Thanksgiving celebrations, it is likely your guests have had at least two other meals under their belt before the main event. Consequently, in order to work up a genuine appetite for your Thanksgiving spread, have them embark on a harrowing scavenger hunt through a rented corn maze! (The bigger, the better.) Not only will it make them feel genuinely thankful for all the work you’ve done to host this holiday event but also provide you with enough time to actually finish the cooking!
Provide your party with a flare gun and a small flashlight in case they get lost in the maze, or are unable to understand the clues you’ve dispersed randomly around the cornfield. That way they can find each other, and hopefully signal for help as darkness falls. The first ones out of the maze get to have the initial choice of their favorite foods, while the last to finish have to wash all the dishes, providing them with plenty of incentive to participate!
Cosplay
Our next suggestion is to recreate an authentic Thanksgiving holiday by cosplaying as your favorite pilgrims from the Mayflower, complete with costumes and a vastly limited spread of food reminiscent of a meager Paleolithic diet. Hire real Native Americans to sit alongside your family and eat with you, just as they had with the pilgrims!
Keep it traditional by trading them in dried corn, glass beads, and firewater for their service, and insist that they too attend the meal in historically accurate attire, such as leather loincloths, feathered headbands and a necklace of real human scalps.
Invite The Homeless
Turn your house into a surprise soup kitchen for the disenfranchised and unfortunate without informing your guests before they arrive!
Before turning your homestead into an impromptu food trough for the poor and downtrodden, it is highly recommended that you put up chicken wire to prevent them from getting into undesirable areas, such as your organic tomato garden, underwear drawer or medicine cabinet.
Thanksgiving is full of human-interest pieces and Facebook images about selfless individuals providing hot meals to the needy on a day known for generosity and goodwill. Bring this instant karmic good luck to you and all your loved ones by getting them unknowingly involved with your philanthropic endeavors. Put them on the spot as they are surrounded by shambling drug addicts and the streams of urine left in their wake. They will not be able to refuse an opportunity to brag about their charitable and selfless holiday on the nearest social media platform, especially before starting their Black Friday binge shopping!
