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12032016Headline:

Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

 (AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”


WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

 

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1,837 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. Sofia Koutsouveli (Sofia Lucifairy) says:

    I am a communist/Marxist and I believe solar panels are a capitalist conspiracy

  2. gurina says:

    Is you expert an expert in stupidity?

  3. Nepthalie R. Gonzales says:

    This article is a lot of nonsense. My guess is this a paid for scarecrow so we keep on buying oil pollutants! Please have a conscience before before publishing any full of craps like this ! A LOT OF LAYMEN MAY BE FOOLED BY THIS NONSENSICAL HIGHLY ILLOGICAL CRAP !

    Nep Gonzales
    Chemical Engineer / Professor

  4. Dave says:

    Somehow this has got to be Obama’s fault. No other explanation

  5. aljean says:

    this is just some trash talk from those people earning insane money from fossil fuels and are afraid that one day nobody’s gonna use their shit anymore coz of new alternatives same as these renewable energy resources.

  6. Jessica H. says:

    I’m sure that their decision to not get into solar panels has NOTHING to do with the fact that it would cannibalize the sector of their business that deals with drilling and oil. Calling BS on this “study”.

  7. Cosmin N. says:

    Dear Matt Rock. Next time you feel the urge to write an article even remotely related to science, please take a deep breath, count from 1 to 10 then choose another subject. Or ask a friend who likes science about his opinion. Or ask Google.
    As an example: please read about the Kardashev scale. According to this scale, a civilization able to harness ALL the energy of a star (like our sun is) is a Type II civilization. Humanity is still a Type 0 (zero). Wikipedia has a very nice and detailed article about that scale.

    If my answer contains any spelling errors, please excuse me. I have answered from my phone.

    • ZZMike says:

      By now, you will have realized that the article is satirical, as have many of the other 1800 or so comments.

      I have a problem with the definition of a Type II civilization. If they harnessed ALL their star’s energy, there wouldn’t be any left over for light and heat.

      Unless, of course, some of that harnessing goes into light and heat.

      • Cosmin N. says:

        Yes, I did realize. Well, a bit too subtle for my style 🙂
        About the Type II civ, the classification doesn’t say they do harness a star’s energy, just that they are able. That is, they have the technology and resources. Most likely if they have that kind of technology, they surely have mastered fusion and other energy resources.
        And by then purchasing a safe portable nuclear reactor would be like buying batteries for the remote control today 🙂

  8. Jean-Claude says:

    I am sure if everybody look at the sun in the same moment we could shut off the sun! lol…

  9. Hello,I come to your blog for the first time and information about Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy its realli intersing .

  10. Dee says:

    Shame on you for publishing such rubbish. Being on the teet of big oil has made you a mindless slave. I renounce your nonsense and encourage any and all reading this to use critical thinking and common sense. The whole thing reek of snake oil.

  11. Scottii says:

    There are lots of bright sparks at Wit and quite a few among the wits posting to this blog. On the same basis, I’m wondering if WIT have examined the effects of ranks of vacuum cleaners on hurricanes and typhoons. Could be something in that.

    • Barry says:

      Scotti:
      Excellent thought, but it doesn’t have to be a vacuum cleaner. Any adequately large fan and ducting system would work. However, the intake should be adequately far away from the discharge. An elbow would be required to vent the fan vertically. When a tornado passed over the discharge elbow, the blast of air would satisfy the vacuum within the tornado funnel, collapsing the vacuum, and thereby killing the tornado. Oklahoma has a lot of problems with Tornados in Tornado Alley. The State of Oklahoma could erect an array of such “Tornado Killers” perpendicular to Tornado Alley, on the State Line, preventing Tornados from entering the state. Failsafe sensors could be set up say 1 minute upstream of the Tornado Killers, and when they got ripped out of the ground by a tornado, this would start up the three fans (the one whose sensors got ripped out, and one on each side of it, in case the tornado veered a bit off course) and allow them to get up to speed by the time the tornado arrived. This is necessary to minimize power costs. There is no point on turning on the fans unless they are needed to kill a tornado. Considering that the people of Oklahoma have suffered tremendous loss in the past, I hereby assign all Patent Rights to the State of Oklahoma. The Tornado Killer array could be financed by the insurance premiums that the Oklahoma Residents didn’t have to pay in the future.
      Best wishes to the People of Oklahoma!!

      • Snuffy63 says:

        Barry, you’ve brought tears to the eyes of this Oklahoman (gulp, sniff). You are a wonderful man! I’d ask if you’d do something about our earthquakes, but there’s no use in that as God is punishing us for teaching evolution in our classrooms.

        • Dear Snuffy63,

          Thank you for leaving your comment on the National Report. Snuffy63 my Oklahomo sources have told me God is not punishing you people for teaching evolution in our classrooms. I’m told that’s the cover story Oklahoman’s are using to hide their real shame which is… you’re all a bunch of low-life masturbators and Democrats. Would you care to shed some light on this Snuffy63?

    • Kevin says:

      Perfect reply

  12. Daniel Guillot says:

    This is pure nonsense paid for by Haliburton SOLAR PANELS have absolutly no effect on the sun in about 5 BILLION years from now the sun which is now a yellow stare will grow 3 times the size it is now and become a RED GIANT vaporizing Mecury,and Venus and schorching this panet to barron rock,,the about 2 billion years later it will turn into a WHITE DWARF SITTING OUT IN SPACE

  13. Deb says:

    OMG someone actually paid them for thi crap?

  14. Gary says:

    I know this is a bit of s late comment. I was busy “prepping” for the coming disaster.
    I enjoyed reading your article and completely understand your perspective. I chuckled at the conclusions of the research you’ve done and hope you can get published in some of the finer and more widely circulated outlets such as the “Onion”. While I giggled a bit at your article, the comments are what make this a try gem to share. Serioisly? There are actually people out there who challenged this? It must give you a warm feeling to get a glimpse of how gullible people are. Please don’t report on the antigravity vortex just past the fence on El Capitan. It’s already too crowded in out parks. 🙂

  15. Mustapha says:

    We really didn’t need someone to give us a lesson in satire. The original story was hilarious! A hoax? Really? Garsh!

  16. Al the Pal says:

    We already know (from earlier research, most likely reported either in National Report or the Onion—those two sources of TRUTH), that building wind turbines has an incredible effect on the weather, and we could lose the wind altogether if we build too many of them (wind is a finite resource, after all….) It sends chills down my spine when I hear of other so-called “green” energy. Harnessing the tides will eventually stop the ocean currents, and taken to extremes could stop the moon (the source of tidal energy). The moon would then tumble to earth, making the meteor that killed the dinosaurs and unicorns look like a grain of sand by comparison. WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!!!

  17. laimis says:

    surely you can’t get any more retarded than that ?

  18. Anita Sannich says:

    Matts’ middle name is You.

  19. Sardonic02 says:

    Damn! I just spent $25k on PV panels for my home. I didn’t know.

  20. Mick says:

    Wow, what an absolute load of utter rubbish. Like Solar Panels have the power to pull energy from the Sun from 100 million miles away. Never heard so much nonsense in all my days. Im not a Scientist or anything im just simply not retarded!! Experts???? Idiots trying to justify huge research budgets more like!!!!

  21. Croc says:

    Being from Cheyenne Wyoming , I’m pretty sure some one was paid to write this bull shit to scare. The weak minded sheep people ,,,

  22. John says:

    These articles are dangerous. There are many nutters out there who are immune to parody and will believe this. I mean, believing that the earth was created in 6 days is bad enough but come on …

  23. LollingPolling says:

    Guys.. I feel ashamed to tell some of you people that this whole website is a humor site and this article is for fun. I mean, use those neurons fellas.

    • Dennis says:

      The problem with this kind of humor… is stupid people believe it… i forget where it was but their is a town… that outlawed solar panels… they were about to open a huge solar plant near the town… and thanks to a SCIENCE TEACHER of all people… it was shut down and the use of solar panels was outlawed… know why… because the highschool science teacher said it was going to drain the sun… and petition the city council to act… obviously this idiot btch read this article… and the even more sad thing… this dumb btch is EDUCATING THE NEXT GENERATION OF FUTURE LEADERS… GOD HELP US ALL

      • Dennis,
        ~
        Humor is not the problem, stupid people are. According to Dictionary.com the top definition of humor when used as a noun is… “a comic, absurd, or incongruous quality causing amusement.” So ask yourself, how is it a high school science teacher, someone hired as an educator for the upcoming generation believed this story without questioning it first before starting a petition?
        ~
        The obvious answer is because the high school teacher is STUPID. Humor is never the problem, its all the stupid people who are.

  24. Boomerrob says:

    On Wednesday the government is also removing the word gullible from dictionaries.

  25. STACY says:

    This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

  26. Morticon says:

    ….uhhhhh no I don’t think that’s true honey…the planets surrounding the sun contribute literally nothing to the sun’s ability to shine. The sun is not a living thing, it is a burning gas ball, so it does not “””work harder””” when its energy is absorbed. Global warming is occurring because you jackasses’ factories and cars produced enough smog to successfully damage our o-zone. Don’t blame solar panels because you’re idiots.

  27. Kevin Chisholm says:

    If the writer of the Solar Panel article wrote speeches fro Trump, Trump would surely be your next President. 🙂

  28. Stu Pedaso says:

    Thank you for that enlightening article which proves that solar energy is a very dangerous technology. It is now obvious that we must outlaw solar panels as well as wind generators and go back to using safe technologies such as fracking and coal as the good Lord intended. I pray that everyone stop listening to most scientists and instead read only reports from Koch Industries, which are unbiased. Bless you, National Report!

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