Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

 (AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”



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1,810 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. aljean says:

    this is just some trash talk from those people earning insane money from fossil fuels and are afraid that one day nobody’s gonna use their shit anymore coz of new alternatives same as these renewable energy resources.

  2. Jessica H. says:

    I’m sure that their decision to not get into solar panels has NOTHING to do with the fact that it would cannibalize the sector of their business that deals with drilling and oil. Calling BS on this “study”.

  3. Cosmin N. says:

    Dear Matt Rock. Next time you feel the urge to write an article even remotely related to science, please take a deep breath, count from 1 to 10 then choose another subject. Or ask a friend who likes science about his opinion. Or ask Google.
    As an example: please read about the Kardashev scale. According to this scale, a civilization able to harness ALL the energy of a star (like our sun is) is a Type II civilization. Humanity is still a Type 0 (zero). Wikipedia has a very nice and detailed article about that scale.

    If my answer contains any spelling errors, please excuse me. I have answered from my phone.

    • ZZMike says:

      By now, you will have realized that the article is satirical, as have many of the other 1800 or so comments.

      I have a problem with the definition of a Type II civilization. If they harnessed ALL their star’s energy, there wouldn’t be any left over for light and heat.

      Unless, of course, some of that harnessing goes into light and heat.

      • Cosmin N. says:

        Yes, I did realize. Well, a bit too subtle for my style :)
        About the Type II civ, the classification doesn’t say they do harness a star’s energy, just that they are able. That is, they have the technology and resources. Most likely if they have that kind of technology, they surely have mastered fusion and other energy resources.
        And by then purchasing a safe portable nuclear reactor would be like buying batteries for the remote control today :)

  4. Jean-Claude says:

    I am sure if everybody look at the sun in the same moment we could shut off the sun! lol…

  5. Hello,I come to your blog for the first time and information about Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy its realli intersing .

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