08312014Headline:

Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

SolarPanels

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

 

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1,786 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. Chris says:

    So, if I stare into a flashlight, the batteries will deplete quicker?

  2. nashingun says:

    Wow, this is so menacing! Solar panels drain sun’s energy! I should have known better! Now that solar panels would one day make the sun go dim for lack of energy! lol We should then limit the production and instillation of solar panels or else we’ll loss our Sun’s brightness! LOL I’m laughing my heart out right now! lmao!

    Sorry, is this a science article? lol

  3. Luis says:

    You are not idiots. You are beyond idiot.

    Signed:

    A physicist.

    • Paravani says:

      Um, Luis-a-physicist… have you read any of the other articles here? Maybe a clue would be in order?

      Signed,

      A Concerned Citizen

      (Concerned that half the citizens are idiots, and the other half have no sense of humor)

    • TC says:

      Thought I was reading an article on The Onion for a second. Sad part is some people believe it.

    • Sheri says:

      You are beyond idiot? Did you mean idiotic?

      Also, you are ALL the idiots. This is clearly a satirical website and a satirical article. The fact that no one seems to understand that makes me lose faith in humanity.

    • David says:

      This is obviously a joke.
      Signed:
      Someone on the internet

    • rick says:

      This reminds me of the war of the worlds broadcast on radio years ago by HG Wells. People believed it and went crazy.
      I’m an old guy, but remember there are people from teen up that might read this nonsense story and believe it – as you get older and learn more you become more in tune to BS stories. The very young would probably be open to the possibility of something like this if it was presented as truth from a reliable source. When the story does not state somewhere that it is fiction then I have to question the motives of the writer.
      This story has no value to anyone – it’s not true, it’s not funny, so what’s the point? Just some dumb writer with nothing of value to add to society with an idea to dupe the gullible. If someone didn’t know that the sun was a ball of hydrogen fusion explosions then he might get sucked into this story. I suppose this writer is a political writer used to writing lies to fool the public or at the least, confuse the public. Bravo bone head!

    • Jeff says:

      The sad thing is, this parody is believable. Not that solar panels would destroy the sun, but that the likes of Halliburton would release such a study. If they did, it would be published in an AstroTurf “Peer reviewed” journal, make headlines on Fox News, be read into the Congressional Record, and be used as evidence in legislative and regulatory hearings. Anyone who stood up and pointed out that it is absurd would be called a Special Interest part of some left wing conspiracy out to destroy the world by robbing it of profit.
      I can think of some studies nearly as ridiculous, but L’ll stop now as it is making me sad.
      How about a game of naming some “credible scientific” claims that are nearly this rediculous (that way we can at least enjoy a laugh at truth stranger than fiction).
      I’ll start:
      http://www.pressprogress.ca/en/post/kinder-morgan-says-oil-spills-can-be-good-economy

      • Hibiscus says:

        Hey, go easy on Halliburton. They gave us aluminum briefcases, didn’t they? And they’re the parent company of Brown & Root. B&R gave us the Astrodome without which there would be no Astro-turf. Who needs Monsanto when a construction contractor can invent plants?

    • God says:

      It’s all true. Every god-blessed word of it.

      Signed,

      Jesus

      • rick says:

        God, I liked you response!
        After all, if millions of people can believe in Jesus and all the other religious nonsense then believing solar cells will suck the sun out of energy is not that far fetched!

    • a (quantum) physicist says:

      if you knew as much about physics as you claim to you would understand that the only thing incorrect about this article is their prognosis for the consequences of this phenomenon, which is an obvious result of exiton entanglement theory. The results have no implications for the sun as the earth represents such a small fraction of it’s light cone. However, if we continue with the destructive practice of installing solar panels and other photovoltaics, the earth is in serous danger of melting and/or imploding due to massive parallel wavefunction collapse.

      • stephen hawking says:

        Massive Parallel Wavefunction Collapse (MPWC) arises from simultaneous, entangled virtual particle decoherence (also a result of exiton entanglement theory). The likelihood of a MPWC eventuating does increase existentially with both the density and quantum efficiency of photovoltaic devices. As you say, the consequences of such an event taking place would be catastrophic for life on Earth. However, everybody knows that the Earth will implode before it melts.

  4. Joe says:

    This is hilarious, well done on the Union like satire. For the off chance that it wasn’t a joke, an excellent example of government run education. Get them so gullible and polarized, they eat anything up in a world of the fake political divide of Republicrats and Democrans. Meanwhile, the public sector grows and grows richer at the cost of the masses. Welcome to the new oligarchy. It’s more ‘educated’, parochial, conformist, self-projected progressive, legally and politically positivist, fatter, addicted to porn during so-called ‘work’ time, entitled, spoiled, judgemental and unionized.

    And people wonder why the BRICS are winning the currency war. Or they wonder we have to murder thousands a month to keep the petro dollar going to keep up the ponzi scheme.

    Wake up, the Roman Empire didn’t last forever for a reason. Challenge what you were programmed to believe.

    • rick says:

      You didn’t mention why the gov refuses to stop illegal immigration – they want to dummy up the populace with more uneducated drones who they can easily manipulate. Hey, and what’s wrong with porn?

      • Tricia says:

        If you even have to ask what is wrong with porn, then your are either a high school student or too far gone to understand the answer. If you read, read the book “Pornography and Silence,” and you just might get a glimmer of just how bad it is.

        • rick says:

          Tricia, you must be a liberal type mentality – you don’t like porn, so you don’t want anyone else to have it.
          If you consider that everyone on the planet is here because of people having sex then right now there are probably about 100 million people screwing.
          Maybe you and hubby put on blindfolds before sex, but many people like the visual aspect of it. Porn is the number one activity on the internet – why do you think that is if it is so bad?
          I’m not going to waste my time reading the book you suggested because there are plenty of sexual hung up people in the world that want to put their values on others. There are bad people in every field – just look at politics and the corruption, so I’m sure you can find bad people in the making of porn.
          Men are visual and like porn – you will just have to accept that and live with it no matter what negative spin you put on it – maybe it is from your straight laced religious nonsense or maybe you are a Quaker. The stuck up religious clowns have given porn a bad name while they practice sick sexual practices themselves – Jimmy Swaggart comes to mind. And what is wrong with high school students liking porn? I wish I had more than Redbook when I was a kid. The only bad thing about porn is when the government is giving welfare to those to sit home and watch it. I hate that!
          At this moment that you are reading this there are millions of people watching porn on their computers and smart phones. I think you need to masturbate more. It will help you get the stick out of your ass.

          • Tricia says:

            Rick: That was a very classy comment (NOT) and it shows how little you know about the damage that porn does to the human brain, to relationships, and to the attitude many men have about women. You are obviously one of those whose brain has been fried and the only way you seemed to be able to relate to me was from a sexually demeaning way—which is what porn does. It is a scientific fact (but then you probably don’t read because you are too busy looking at porn) that within a half hour of watching porn, the male brain has become addicted, and in young males that addiction can take over their lives like drugs or alcohol. Before you make the kind of judgments against someone for stating FACT, you might want to do a little research. You’re demeaning sexual comments to me are not only completely untrue, but they make you sound like an ignorant prick.

          • rick says:

            Tricia: I might sound like an ignorant prick to you, but 98% of men reading here think you are the ignorant snatch.
            Just because you can show some men that are abusers watch porn does not mean they all are. Your facts are conjured up to support your Swaggart type lifestyle – as he did, you preach how bad porn is so no one would ever think you are watching it on your computer. That is really perverted. If someone is an addict it is from parents like you that shame and blame them for watching naked people having sex. If you have kids (poor kids) they are likely drug addicts or even sex addicts because they found your private stash of porn flicks. Your husband is probably on the computer right now watching porn because he has a cold frigid sexually hung up btch for a wife.
            Since you are a know it all about porn why is it you only mentioned the male brain and porn. There are many women that watch porn as well. I suppose you are sexist also. Typical liberal brain – I don’t like it so no one should have it. It is the same with guns. How about some facts – over 40,000 people die each year in car wrecks, but people like you make an insane attempt to deny the 2nd amendment and take others guns away just because you are afraid of them. You are not crying to get rid of cars – a much bigger killer. And, guns in the hands of the public is what keeps your rights free – so you can call me an ignorant prick.
            You didn’t mention rape – maybe your meager IQ did allow you to learn that rape is not about sex, but about anger and control of others.
            There is definitely something wrong with you – get some help with your fear of porn and get the stick removed from your ass.

        • Eric says:

          Sorry but I just had to ask but what the hell does porn have to do with the topic at hand?

          • tom blair says:

            This article is ingenious – and conservatives should learn from it.. It is a major flaw in the Left that it cannot laugh at itself – while the right can. We need to exploit that. Look how foolish they look who do get that they are reading a scientific version of The Onion.

          • Tricia says:

            That I haven’t got a clue about except that I think itwas an insult. The man obviously knows how bad porn is, and that only low-lifes look at it, so it sounds like it was sort of an under-handed insult.

        • Hibiscus says:

          Roman moralists were saying that just before Vesuvius. After that, the folks in Pompeii were quiet on the matter. But they still had their porn…

  5. tristan says:

    wow that means trees leaves must be doing the same through photosynthesis – trees must be bad too – I am sick of thick propoganda and the C-’S running the world.

  6. Eric says:

    That’s kind of insulting. Do you really think there are any people stupid enough to believe that? Aside from children under the age of 10 or the mentally handicap, if you think this is true do the rest of the world a favor and kill yourself!

  7. kruizn says:

    I never leave comments, but this time I HAVE TO…. what a bunch of BULLSHIT.

  8. DOUG says:

    God forgive me, this comment section is like shooting retarded fish in a barrel!!

  9. DOUG says:

    2 funny Tom. Prolonged exposure to stupidity has been proven to be detrimental to health. II’m DOOMED- I read every comment.

  10. Frank Meijer says:

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    Good joke! :)

  11. jim says:

    This article made me cry laughing. Bravo to the comedian. I hope you all realize it is a joke, not to be taken seriously. I think we need to lighten up and take a joke. We all get are catharsis in different ways.

  12. sober guy says:

    I guess this is what private schooling is going to bring us in Europe too.

  13. Nick says:

    After reading through the comments and wrestling with the notion that I should leave one of my own, it’s undoubtedly clear to me that the planet is divided into three sets of people; intelligent, shamefully average and really stupid people.

    Cringing at the comments from both the morons that actually believed in this article and the morons that didn’t believe it but still left a disturbingly brainless comment, that of which, made me feel dumber for reading it, its clear to me now that you people deserve exactly what you get. Maybe about 5% had something logical to say.

    Which is why you are all fucked.

    Your total lack of basic understanding in science, language, reasoning and critical thinking has left you incapable of logic. I’m completely in shock that I have to share this world with you people. Not only have you willingly handed over the planet to a world wide, predatory corporatocracy, you have allowed yourselves to be poisoned in a myriad of ways without even knowing, let alone recognizing it. From the air you breath, to the water you drink and the food you consume, the people who run the show are watching, laughing and looking at you with complete disgust. You have been purposefully turned into a bunch of mindless, gullible. You are their guinea pigs, their greatest biological experiment and this is just another piece of proof that clearly demonstrates that you absolutely deserve it.

    As a final word to the ignorant masses that dwell on this page, stop ruining your lives and the lives of people around you. Pick up a book, learn, discover, explore, create, engage in higher levels of consciousness and thought. Do great things, be compassionate not self absorbed. Don’t just sit there and give over your humanity for a little bit of money and delusional fantasies. Consuming the pop culture of today (mainstream media, TV, pop music, fashion, etc.) is merely a clever illusion designed to keep you dumb, uninformed, lazy and docile. If you don’t, you’ll only be perpetuating and provoking your own enslavement. Trapped for ever in an idiotic monetary system that systematically, cyclically, and ferociously keeps you in a perfect state of control for a very powerful but tiny group of people.

    Mortified,

    N

    http://www.thevenusproject.com

  14. Krazy says:

    Can I get this ‘expert’ name?
    I want to do the world a favour by making him dysfunctional to the education and science world.

  15. Henry3 says:

    Hahahahahahaha! …and if you believe that, you believe you “own a piece of the rock”…

  16. Jay Beck says:

    I really, really, really hope that this is satire, because if it isn’t i am really worried about the future of our society.

  17. jason says:

    So, you want us to believed that a 8×8 silicone square is sucking energy from a star a light year away…. Kill yourself, and stop donating to the worlds stupidity

    • Josh says:

      I’m afraid that the sun is a mere 8-or-so light minutes away, not a light year. A light year is roughly 9.5×10^15 metres, rather than the 93 million miles it currently is. Additionally, I would hope that the square is made of silicon, not silicone. One is a semiconductor, the other, a plastic used to make breast implants. Just a few things to improve upon. Hope this helps, Josh. :)

    • Craig says:

      Jason, our sun is not a light year away. It is on average, about 93,000,000 miles away – a far cry from a light year. Perhaps you should take your own advice?

    • Amoeba says:

      Silicone is not the same as silicon

    • Earthling says:

      How about a couple light years away? Yeah, screw those guys on Alpha Centauri! Aim your panels of breast implant material at THEM and stuck away THEIR sun!

      Earth rulez!!!1!

      • G says:

        This could be the solution to the solar depletion problem. We simply cover the collector panels during those times they suck the most power from “our” sun and, with electromagnification, harness the power from nearby stars whose demise won’t effect us. These other suns wouldn’t have to be all the way in Alpha Centauri, though. Our own great Milky Way galaxy has several relatively nearby suns.

    • Eric says:

      A light year is the distance light travels in a year. It only takes 8 minutes for light from the sun to reach the earth.

  18. Ron says:

    And if people will believe that, maybe they will believe that building enough windmills will prevent hurricanes and tornadoes.
    http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/1995-12-31/

    • Graywolf12 says:

      Good one. Send your suggestion to Al Bore. I am sure there are Green groups that will beg for money to build more wind turbines to save the world from wind storms.

  19. For those of you who came from 9gag and don’t have a clue on what this site is, welcome to nationalreport, a **satire** news site.

    Thank you. *flies away*.

  20. Prueba says:

    “You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.”

  21. Frank says:

    Nice parody :)

  22. Pegartha says:

    Obviously a spoof. No one can be this stupid.

  23. Rod says:

    The idiots who published this report should have any government funding taken away and be forced to repay the taxpayers for their stupidity!

  24. Christi says:

    I’m pretty sure I disturbed my fiance in his slumber with my muffled laughter. This is hilarious!!!

  25. Cyrus says:

    This is so stupid. Money can buy research but not intelligence. Halliburton please do quantify the impact.

  26. Penny says:

    Can I have a job please? I have some amazing knowledge on how and where the human race is going wrong!… Here’s a couple of rarely known facts…
    The working minions seem to be slow moving. The simple fact is no one has shown them how to cover themselves head to toe with oil. Every day, run a fresh bath of premium grade motor oil and soak for at least 30mins before work to get that extra lubricated energy to last all day.
    and finally, we don’t get enough minerals in our diet. To solve this we should eat 2 to 3 lumps of coal a day…

  27. Charles says:

    even if this is true (it’s not) there will be no difference, every thing absorbs energy from the sun. Plants, the sea, the ground, animals, people every thing. mostly this energy is turned in to heat for inanimate objects, plants use photosynthesis. there is nothing unique about how a solar panel absorbs energy.

    so what ever was in the location prior to a solar panel being there (ground, roof tiles) that object was having the same, claimed, effect on the sun

  28. Ory says:

    This article is so full of shit it makes the earths waste problems look like its simple matter to deal with. First of all Wyoming Institute of Technology is partnered with BP, Chevron, Exxon Mobil and Halliburton. Second of all how much energy is produced by the sun and released into outer space and can not be re-contained by the sun because the forces of gravity pull it outward. Just so you know plants and humans consume energy from the sun as well. Plants use it for food and we eat those plants. I call complete and utter bull shiz.

  29. Greg says:

    LOL, this defies all science, this is truly “common core” education at it’s best. Radiation is one way from the sun. And this so called institution needs to be discredited as a learning institution.

  30. Laura says:

    I call bull shit. Matt your an idiot

    • Elva Bontrager says:

      How absolutely absurd. You mean that when I sniff a rose I drain it of its aroma? hahhhahahah

  31. Professor Blackwood says:

    As a geologist, I understand something about physics. As a middle aged man, I understand that people are really stupid. I know. I have been to WalMart and seen the true nature of humankind.

    This spoof will be taken as fact by religious nuts, rightwing nut jobs, and countless fools who have no idea of how the real world actually works. Doubt it…I have one thing to say “Weapons of Mass Destruction”….

    Humans…we are not much more than talking monkeys.

    • rick says:

      When a person is talking about how stupid others are he should proof read his writing for errors. You wrote “Walmart and seen” = poor writing, a mistake, or back woods childhood?

      I know many people that are more than “talking monkeys” – maybe you are projecting.

      As I’ve stated before – there is no benefit to a story written this way and as you stated, religious nuts (and others) might believe it to be true.

  32. Jolie says:

    SERIOUSLY? I think this is one of the most stupid things I have read in ages. It sounds like something out of the National Enquirer or Globe or some other nonsense rubbish. I’m a conservative and I don’t believe this junk. Good grief!

  33. Sanata says:

    This is great, I love the pic of Palin up top. My God half the people posting took this serious, the average IQ is racing rapidly downwards. More like this I love it.

  34. China’s advertising market will remain fantastic in the next 10 years, though the recent weaker performance in the economy may cause some ups and downs, Goh said.

  35. TerryDarc says:

    So that giant sucking sound that Ross Perot warned us about a while back was true? And the sound was the sun being drained dry by the international sun-power cartel?

    Wow! I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t read it on the internet.

  36. James Hayes says:

    So the fact that HALLIBURTON paid for this study is not a HUGE RED FLAG for anyone? National Report is FAKE people!!!!!

  37. Heather says:

    I propose that we, as a society, give up the usage of fossil fuels and nuclear powered energy and adhere to the pioneering spirit employing the use of wax and wick, wood and wool and employ equine power to solve our nocturnal crisis, temperature decline and traveling needs.

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