07232017Headline:

Woman Comes Forward With Shocking Allegation: “I Was Not Raped By Bill Cosby”

(AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

(AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

<National Report>In a shocking turn of events, area woman Joyce Taylor has broken her silence and proclaimed, “I was not raped by Bill Cosby.”  This news came on the day that two more defendants joined in the growing defamation case against the once beloved entertainer.

** UPDATE: COSBY ADMITTED TO DRUGGING WOMEN IN 2005 DEPOSITION **

According to Ms. Taylor, she once met with Mr. Cosby decades ago at a Hollywood night club at the age of 17.  As the night progressed, she became increasingly intoxicated before her boyfriend, 18 year-old Danny Stevens, helped her home where she awoke the next morning alone, with full memory of what had not transpired the night before.  In a sworn statement given to officials earlier today, Ms. Taylor states, “Why was I not raped by Mr. Cosby?  Was I not pretty enough?  Did I do something wrong?  I mean I may have been a bit overweight, but I was still rapeable (sic).  These are all feelings I have struggled with since that fateful night in 1974.”




Bob Murphy, the attorney representing Ms. Taylor, had this to say, “I understand Joyce’s concerns, I mean she was in the right place at the right time, and feels she was entitled to be raped, but in a way, I think we have all been raped by Mr. Cosby.”

Since November, at least 15 women have come forward claiming to have been sexually assaulted by Cosby.  Cosby, who starred as Dr. Cliff Huxtable on “The Cosby Show” from 1984 to 1992, has not been formally charged in connection with any of the allegations and has denied his involvement.

Cosby’s career has unraveled since the allegations began and he has hired an extensive team of Public Relations experts in attempt to save what is left of his reputation going so far as to blame the victims themselves.

In the years since the non-incident took place, Joyce Taylor has sought counseling and has been treated for depression. “The last forty years, my weight’s gone up and down like a yo-yo.”  When “The Cosby Show” went off the air in ’92 I got things under control, but when he came back with another show four years later, I blew up like a damn balloon.  Now he’s in the news again and I’m fighting the urge to ‘make the plate my mate.’  It’s a struggle,” admitted Taylor, “but I’m not going to turn not being raped by Bill Cosby into a negative.”

It is presumed there are many more Joyce Taylor’s, possibly millions, out there waiting to tell their story of not being raped by Cosby, however as of press time National Report was unable to find any additional victims.  This development only leads to more confusion surrounding the multitude of accusers suggesting that they had in fact been raped by Mr. Cosby.

Cosby’s publicist David Brokaw and lawyer Martin Singer did not immediately respond to requests for comment.







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13 Responses to "Woman Comes Forward With Shocking Allegation: “I Was Not Raped By Bill Cosby”"

  1. Boganboy says:

    Alas you didn’t give us a photo of the lady. I must admit I’d like to see one dating back to 1974. I’m sure she’d look prettier than that picture of Bill.

  2. David says:

    A good article, in the satirical lines of this publication, I found interesting and it raised a smile. However, is not rape a too serious and atrocious crime against women (in the main, thought men are raped too) to be made light of, by a report about non-rape!

  3. RONIFER says:

    He probably didn’t like your mustache !

  4. David,
    Get over yourself sir, this story isn’t about you and how disappointed you are that Cosby didn’t rape you (ref: “men are raped too”). Nothing is “too serious and atrocious” for the National Report not to cover. The truth is the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts even if Mr. Cosby didn’t take you from behind and repeatedly have his way with you.

  5. Grisha says:

    Really, Nigel? A cheap joke about rape?!?!?? ONLY in pornographers’ story lines and the arrested development of frat boy dreams do women enjoy rape. Perhaps you struggle with your own fantasies of receiving it from behind, and should expand your reading list. That you even pretend to intellectual capacity is an insulting gauge of the low standards of National Report.

    • Gregory or Grisha, (which I presume is your name when in drag)
      First of all any comment I make is strictly my own, and it doesn’t reflect on the journalistic integrity of the NR. Second, I’m much too wise to the liberal effort to attack conservative journalists by putting words in our mouths that we never said. Such as “woman enjoy rape” which you and your trailer trash friends will spin as if I made such a vile statement. These repugnant words and statement is found only in your sick twisted comment that in my opinion is an insult to all women for which you alone should be branded with the title of Woman Hater. My comment was directed at David, who from all appearances is most likely a male. Therefore your ignorant and cheap shot at me and the NR would never be taken seriously by anyone who understands the English language.

  6. Grisha says:

    Dear Nigel (Editor-in-Chief),

    Ooooooh-ouch….it appears we’ve hit a nerve, haven’t we Nige? Calm down laddie and, as you commented earlier to David: “get over yourself.” If indeed you are the “Editor-in-Chief” of whatever and wherever (huge presumption), it was of course wise of you to boldly claim remarks as your own rather than to further tarnish the good name of the NR. But as most journalists also learn early on (and which you’ve presumably forgotten): when you’re stuck in a hole…stop digging. Yes, you’re right…we can be certain David is a male, and one who appears to be deflecting your vitriol quite well on his own. So to help clarify your muddied confusion about what I’d written, my comments were addressed to the casual manner in which you assumed it was amusing to joke about a woman complaining about not being raped. Because for any woman (or man) in your joke to complain in this way would imply that they desired to be raped….an impotent stumble at even the most grunting level of humor. I didn’t need to spin any of your words, you did all the work for us. And it was touching to read such a jumbled and baldly stupid I-am-rubber-you-are-glue to “brand” me with the title of “Woman Hater”. Hah! Let’s put that to the sniff test. I’m not sure what to make of your presumption that Grisha is my name “in drag”, but that would already be a violation of NP’s solemnly written promise that its forum moderator does not divulge e-mail addresses (and maybe another sign that you just can’t trust what NP is telling you). And finally, c’mon…is Nigel really the name they gave you at birth?

    • Grisha,
      Thank you for posting your comment to this forum. To address the items you mentioned in your comment from earlier today… you never “hit a nerve” with me. That’s likely due to the fact that most weekends are spent on a 2 1/2 day bender that also includes quite a few dabs and a number of pain medications I buy off my neighbor. This killer concoction tends to leave me comfortably numb through the weekend and is always followed by the Monday morning blues which I believe is probably the best time to hit one of my nerves. Next, corporate policy concerning comments posted by employees, support staff and subcontractors or freelancers of the National Report do not reflect the views of the corporation. Therefore I am solely responsible for any comments I post. Regarding your email address we would never give it out or publish it. All employees and freelancers are prohibited from doing so per policy. To do so can result in disciplinary action and or termination. My “muddied confusion” about what you’d written previously is an extreme misrepresentation since my only point is that I never said, “woman enjoy rape.” Period. It is true that in making light of the Cosby saga I did assume it was amusing to joke about a woman complaining about not being raped. And since humor is subjective my comment’s value as humor is a matter determined by every reader. As far as my name goes Nigel is the one that appears on my birth certificate. Above all what impressed me most about you Grisha, is your keen ability and superior method for seeking out and exposing that which is self-evident. You wrote… “If indeed you are the “Editor-in-Chief” of whatever and wherever (huge presumption),” etc, etc. And you busted me fair & square, caught me red handed for I am indeed the editor-in-chief for the National Report. And to confirm you’re absolutely correct readers may click on this link for verification… http://nationalreport.net/staff/. — You have a gift Grisha, a true capacity for exposing the obvious which will no doubt serve you well throughout life.

  7. Grisha says:

    Nigel-

    Like I said, put down the shovel and stop digging.

    Following a murderous week in Paris during which the valuable social role of of good satire against pompous self-regard was reaffirmed, NR’s failure to grasp even the basic mechanics of this genre of writing was made emphatically clear by this story from Chase Logan. The fact that you also find humor in the weird premise that anyone desires to be raped is embedded in your comment to Richard (“…this story isn’t about you and how disappointed you are that Cosby didn’t rape you”). Such a weak pretension to wit firmly establishes your own level of writing as somewhere far lower than even fart jokes humor and toilet humor. Even if I agree with you that Mr. Cosby deserves a fair legal hearing, in the court of public opinion (the only court that really has leverage in the world of celebrities and entertainment, AND has no statue-of-limitations) your reptilian instinct to find humor in the pain of others does nothing to advance this presumption. In short, you’re self-defeating because you’re just not funny. This isn’t to say you can’t improve, but such a quantum leap would require at least minimal recognition that the only laughter you hear is coming from the echo chamber of your own head. The tone-deaf responses you offered to at least two readers’ comments about just how un-funny a rape joke sounds make this highly unlikely….so good luck with that.

    And your swaggering bravado about 2-½ day drug-fueled benders is just plain juvenile, as though you don’t understand pharmaceuticals at all. My (unsolicited) advice to someone so unprepared to investigate how his mind works would be to stay away from them. I never doubted that you were a true “Nigel”, but just wanted to read you embrace such a name. Of course!…and the moniker “Nigel J. Covington” fits you perfectly (it’s even staggering to think there were two of them before you). Likewise, your emphatic claim to the title of “Editor-in-Chief”. Next time I write a comment here, I’ll wear a bow-tie.

    • Grisha,
      Well I am impressed Grisha, you sound as if you may have some knowledge of mental health issues in your background. If you really liked Chase Logan’s coverage of the Bill Cosby story then I’m quite hopeful you’ll love my most recent article concerning Mr. Cosby, since my piece also explores how mental health issues may have played a role in the Cosby matter. I’d be honored if you’d be so kind as to offer your constructive criticism and honest evaluation of my work. Be sure to look for it in Monday mornings edition of the National Report.

      Respectfully,
      Nigel

    • Phil Spektrum says:

      Grisha, I think your exhaustive commentary speaks more toward your strange sexual desires than anyone named in this article. Have you ever been arrested for stalking?

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