02252017Headline:

Reality TV Worse for Your Health than Meth, Study Finds

WYOMING—A recent study from the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) has shown that watching reality TV is worse for your brain function than chronic methamphetamine abuse. Previous studies have shown that long term meth use greatly reduces [...]

Report: Bernie Sanders Bird Actually Obama Drone

A report of out of Washington D.C. alleges that the bird that “dropped in” on a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland, Oregon was not “an organic bird”, but a United States Government drone. The report comes from a White [...]

Donald Trump to Donate Brain for CTE Research

Multiple professional athletes have begun to come forward and announce they will be donating their brains to science to further study the effects of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE). Former soccer standout, Brandi Chastain and former [...]

Nestlé to Send Rover to Steal Water From Mars

GLENDALE, Calif.  – Nestlé, in a joint partnership with NASA and actor Tom Selleck, will sponsor a rover mission to Mars that will “explore the boundaries of space while quenching the world’s thirst for knowledge.” The three-way [...]

Donald Trump Wants To Stick A Flag In Uranus

Current Republican frontrunner Donald Trump has put a bold, new backup plan in the chute, if his bid for the 2016 presidential nomination falls short. “We’re aiming for Uranus!” announced the media mogul during a press conference outlining [...]

World’s Smallest Woman To Fly Drone Across Atlantic Ocean

NAGPUR, India – Jyoti Kisange Amge, best known for her role as “Ma Petite” in the FX television series American Horror Story, reportedly will be the first human passenger to cross the Atlantic in a remotely piloted aircraft (RPA), [...]

Marriott Recalls Complimentary Toiletries After Report Cites Dangerous Side-Effects

BETHESDA, Md. – Marriott International, an American diversified hospitality company, has issued an immediate worldwide recall of single-use toothpaste and shaving cream packets following the release of startling report by leading MIT [...]

Apple Watch Food Stamp App In The Works For “Obama Phone” Users

Is your food stamp card embarrassing to use in a grocery store checkout line? Well have no fear, faithful “Obama Phone” users: Apple Inc. is on the case. A new app, being developed directly by Apple’s software division, will [...]

Is 6-Year-Old Black Girl the Reincarnation of KKK Imperial Wizard?

The University of Virginia Medical Center’s Division of Perceptual Studies is the academic home of Professor Jim Tucker who spends much of his time studying the claims of children who tell of past lives they have lived. These children, [...]

Sarah Palin Rescued By Coast Guard During Climate Change Denial Video Shoot

A party of nine individuals, including former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, was rescued Tuesday morning by the United States Coast Guard, after an “expedition” to find a suitable filming location for a climate change denial video [...]

Astronomers at Wyoming Institute of Technology Discover Alien Life

The question of whether we are alone in the universe has plagued mankind since our understanding pushed past the horizons of our pretty little planet, to reveal an existence more vast than ever imagined. We have searched the stars, peered into [...]
Germany Climate Broken Taboo

Interview With World-Renowned Chemtrail Expert: “It’s Death From The Sky”

(Bovill, ID) – “I’m terrified of clouds”, says chem-trail expert, Jack Phillips, as we walk the length of his family’s rural Idaho property. “In High School I was always preoccupied with my own studies, and [...]

Computers Better At Governing Than Humans, University Test Proves

It’s been the stuff of science fiction for ages, but if scientists, professors, and students had it their way, the United States government would fire all of its elected humans and replace them with artificially-intelligent computers, [...]

Google Trademarks “Google Denim,” Developing High-Tech Pants

Google Glass may have been a flop, but that doesn’t seem to be stopping the company’s efforts to come up with high-tech clothing and accessories. Since the start of the new year, Google has made some powerful plays in the textile [...]