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Donald Trump Hires George Zimmerman as Security Consultant For “Special Events” Says Report

Neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman will soon be working for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump as a ‘Security Consultant for Special Events and Appearances,’ sources say. Zimmerman, 32, a self-described ‘High [...]

Mexican Immigrant Feeling Left Out After GOP’s Hate-Pivot to Muslims

LOS VERDE VALLAS, NEW MEXICO — Roberto Inmigrante has been a resident of his sleepy New Mexico town since late 2008. Inmigrante came to the United States legally, he says, making sure all of his visa applications were in order, and he [...]
(AP Photo/Steve Helber)

Ben Carson Caught on Hot Mic Calling Trump Northern White RINO

PAHRUMP, Nev. – Presidential candidate Ben Carson was caught on a hot mic calling Donald Trump “a Northern White RINO” while prepping for a rally in central Nevada. Carson reportedly made the comparison after reading that one [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Sarah Palin Calls On Obama to Close Borders Bookstores

WASILLA, Alaska – Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin issued a direct plea to Barack Obama, urging him to order the Department of Homeland Security to “immediately seal off and close the nation’s borders,” and to shut down “the [...]
(AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)

Donald Trump Proposes Temporary Tattoos For Syrians, Mexicans and Democrats

NEW YORK, N.Y. – Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump unveiled a plan this week to combat what he calls America’s triple threat: Syrian refugees, Mexican immigrants, and the Democrats. The plan involves issuing temporary identification [...]
World Trade Center Attacked

Jeb!: We Can Defeat ISIS With ‘The Bush Family Secret Recipe for Middle East Success’

CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA — “The United States should not delay in leading a global coalition to take out ISIS with overwhelming force,” former Florida Governor and 2016 Republican presidential candidate Jeb! told a crowd [...]

‘A Kindler, Gentler Sharia': John Kasich Explains His Proposed Department of Christianity

MOSSBACK MOUNTAIN, IOWA — Ohio Governor and 2016 Republican presidential candidate John Kasich raised several eyebrows this week when in the wake of the ISIS-led massacre in Paris, France the conservative suggested that as president, [...]

Ted Cruz Unsure If He Should Attack Mexican Immigrants or Syrian Refugees More

CANE FIELD, IOWA — Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) told reporters at a campaign stop in Iowa this week that he isn’t sure which group of outsiders — Syrian refugees or Mexican immigrants — he should “stoke the most fear [...]

Area Atheist Doesn’t Want Any More ‘Damn Christian Terrorists’ Moving To Her City

FLUSHING MEADOWS, WISCONSIN — Failed 2016 Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker also happens to be the governor of the State of Wisconsin. Walker is one of the over 20 governors who have decided they would like to keep refugees [...]

Syrian Refugee Hoping to Dodge Bullets in U.S. State for a Change

GRACE, TENNESSEE — Ammar Abdul Malouf is a 32-year old Syrian who fled his home country to come to America, seeking asylum from the bloody civil war that is ravaging the Syrian countryside. Malouf began his journey to the United States [...]
(AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Ben Carson Refuses To Admit Syrian Refugees Into His Home

Republican presidential frontrunner Ben Carson announced that he will refuse to accept refugees from war-torn Syria into the home he shares with his wife, Candy. In a press release announcing his decision, Carson urged President Obama to follow [...]

Reince Preibus: Only GOP Candidates Know Hating All Muslims is the Only Path To Peace

LAKE GENESIS, WISCONSIN — Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus told reporters Monday morning that he is “absolutely elated” that most of the 2016 presidential candidates for his party have “come out [...]
(AP Photo/Felipe Dana)

Star Wars VII, “The Force Awakens” Release Delayed Due to Paris Attacks

As much of the civilized world is showing solidarity with France, in the wake of last Friday’s attacks, Disney (one of the largest international media conglomerates) has decided to delay the release of the latest Star Wars installment by [...]

Obama Calls Paris Attacks ‘Islamist Terrorism,’ ISIS Immediately Surrenders

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a stunning an unexpected turn of events, ISIS — the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria — has offered an “immediate and permanent surrender” just a matter of days after pulling off its most deadly [...]
TSA Carry-Ons

S.P.L.C. Claims Gun Control Lobby is Liberal Racism

The Southern Poverty Law Center has released a scathing report that details an “unassuming racist element” hidden within one of the more contentious topics in the media today. More surprisingly, this “racist political element” is one [...]

Ohio Schools Set to Start Teaching Pull-Out Only Sex Ed Classes

COLUMBUS, OHIO — Word out of the state legislature in Ohio is that the state’s Republican lawmakers are very close to bringing a bill to the floor that would require all schools in the state that teach sexual education courses to [...]