Vladimir Putin Calls Trump To Ask What His Refund Policy Is

MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Russian President Vladimir Putin, having just finished watching televised coverage of the third and final presidential debate between Hillary Rodham Clinton and Donald J. Trump, reportedly “saw the writing on the [...]

Kansas Man Who Believes Media Is Blacking Out Benghazi Has No Idea About Kansas Bomb Plot

DOUGHTY, KANSAS — 48-year-old Kansan native Robert Ryan calls himself a “right leaning, God fearing, ammo-hoarding, conservative patriot.” Ryan runs several right-wing Facebook pages and hosts a couple of conservative podcasts [...]

Illinois Nazi Party Concerned They ‘Backed A Total Loser’

ELWOOD, ILLINOIS — The American Nazi Party of Illinois at the time of publication is still endorsing Republican Donald J. Trump for president, however the chapter’s president told reporters during his group’s monthly conference [...]

Historians Uncover Letters From Custer Worried His Next Battle Was Rigged Against Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Researchers with the National Archives announced this week that they have made a stunning discovery. Speaking to reporters, Dr. Susan Monroe, Vice Assistant Director of the archives, said that she and her team had found [...]
Ben Carson

Ben Carson Calls Trump Campaign a “Superfund Site”

MANCHESTER, N.H. — Retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, speaking to supporters in New Hampshire, labeled recent sexual harassment accusations against Donald Trump “stuff and nonsense,” and shut down rumors that the campaign is in administrative [...]
A diverse group of women

Roger Ailes, Bill Cosby To Join Donald Trump On Remainder Of Campaign Stops To Provide ‘Moral Support’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — His campaign reeling from allegations of sexual misconduct piling up quickly, Donald Trump as elicited the help of two friends who will join him for the rest of the campaign. Former Fox News CEO Roger Ailes and former [...]

Mitt Romney Organizing Victims Of Bill Clinton and Donald Trump’s Sexual Abuse Into Binders

A sad and listless Mitt Romney spent his Wednesday night organizing all the known alleged victims of both Bill Clinton and Donald Trump’s sexual abuse into a brightly colored binder he purchased at Hobby Lobby, sources report. The former [...]
Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton Accuses Trump of Stealing “I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman” Catchphrase

WATERLOO, Iowa — Former President Bill Clinton, who remained stoic during Donald Trump’s accusations of marital infidelity during the second presidential debate, broke his silence during an Oct. 12 campaign event in Waterloo, Iowa. After [...]
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Trump Train Derails – Millions Feared Brain Dead

UPDATE: Millions of deplorable Americans are feared to be brain dead after the #TrumpTrain went off the rails and crashed into a fiery heap amid evidence Mr. Trump is a sexist, manipulative womanizer and serial groper. The Trump train derailed [...]

Hasbro Announces New “Trumpnopoly” Game, Point Is To File Bankruptcy And Duck Income Tax

PAWTUCKET, RHODE ISLAND — During a quarterly conference call with investors, Hasbro — the toy and game company that currently owns the rights to the “Monopoly” franchise — announced that a new version of its real [...]
Billy Bush

Billy Bush Joins Donald Trump’s Social Media Staff, Sources Say

NEW YORK — Billy Bush, recently suspended from the Today Show over his participation in Donald Trump’s “grab ‘em by the pussy” hot mic incident, has reportedly joined Donald Trump’s social media staff as a paid intern. The former [...]

Sarah Palin Leaked Trump’s “Pussygate” Tape for Revenge, Surrogate Says

WASILLA, Alaska — Back in January, when former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin enthusiastically endorsed Donald Trump for president, one seemingly “off the cuff” statement stood out above all the rest. “No more pussy footin’ around,” Sarah [...]
Bill Clinton and Donald Trump

Trump: Bill Clinton’s Affairs “Embarrassing” Because “He Couldn’t Get Half The Quality Ass I Did”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Reeling from his disastrous first debate performance, Republican presidential nominee and alleged billionaire Donald Trump went on the offensive against his Democratic rival. In the days following the debate, Trump [...]

Fox News Contributor Interviews Brooklyn Residents In Full Blackface

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a video segment sure to stir up controversy, a Fox News contributor dressed in full “blackface” makeup and interviewed residents of Brooklyn about the upcoming presidential election. Justin Wader, [...]
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Conservative Women Standing by Trump Despite Sexist Comments

Conservative women across America are standing behind republican nominee Donald Trump despite the sexist comments he has made over the years and throughout the course of his Presidential campaign. // On Friday, a sexually explicit conversation [...]

Pence Declares Debate Rigged Hours Before Debate Starts

<Farmville, Va.>More than an hour before the vice presidential debate had even begun, Indiana Gov. Mike Pence (R) has declared the debate to be rigged. A press release put out by the RNC before the debate supported the claim by Pence [...]