08172017Headline:

Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Four More Years of Snowflakes

Punxsutawney, PA – The handlers of Pennsylvania’s most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, said the furry whiskered rodent saw his shadow early Thursday morning, predicting four more years of insufferable snowflakes. The top hat-wearing [...]

Trump to Limit All Intelligence Briefings to 140-Characters

TRUMP TOWER – Soon after securing the Republican presidential nomination, business mogul/reality TV star Donald J. Trump swore off any and all assistance from the U.S. intelligence community, stating he did not trust the briefings he was [...]

Trump: Ben Carson Perfect For HUD Because ‘It Has The Word Urban In It’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — President-Elect Donald J. Trump has already been raising eyebrows with his cabinet and adviser selections. Trump tapped Jeff Sessions as his Attorney General when Sessions was deemed too racist for a federal judgeship [...]

Obama Wants To Be A ‘Private Sector Gun Grabber’ When He Leaves Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The days in President Barack Hussein Obama’s (D-Kenya) presidency are dwindling, and aides close to the first black president are saying he’s been thinking long and hard about what he’ll do once he [...]

Trump to Nominate Chris Christie to Supreme Food Court

TRUMP TOWER – President-Elect Donald J. Trump has reportedly assured NJ Governor Chris Christie that, despite recent reports, he has not been banished from his inner circle, and will nominate the Bridgegate behemoth to the Supreme Food Court. “Mr. [...]

Flint Tap Water Rated More Trustworthy than Hillary Clinton

A new survey released today from the Make Michigan Great Again PAC shows that residents across the state rated Flint tap water higher on the ‘Trustworthiness’ scale than democratic nominee for President, Hillary Rodham Clinton. In the [...]