06262016Headline:
Aramid_Weave

Donald Trump To Wear Kevlar Wig After Las Vegas Assassination Scare

TRUMP TOWER, N.Y. — At the request of Ivanka Trump, a customized, bullet-resistant Kevlar® wig has been manufactured for presumptive Republican party nominee Donald Trump, sources say. The new hairpiece, nicknamed “The Donaldaire,” will [...]
(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Sarah Palin Calls for an End to Women’s Suffrage: “We’ve Suffered Enough!”

// WASILLA, Alaska — In a series of now deleted Facebook posts, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin said voting for Hillary Clinton would “tarnish the silver strides women have made throughout history’s golden arches ever since the Bronze [...]
DONALD_TRUMP_GOFUNDME2

Donald Trump Starts GoFundMe For His Campaign

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Donald J. Trump presidential campaign is in dire financial straits, and it’s no secret all over the political spectrum. Presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton has at this point a whopping, $41 million [...]
OBAMA_CLINTON_GUNS

Hillary Clinton Promises to Confiscate ‘At Least Three Times As Many’ Guns As Obama Did

OAK HAVEN, OHIO — In the battleground state of Ohio this weekend, presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Rodham Clinton told a crowd of her supporters that she would do everything in her power to enact a “strong gun [...]
(Image:  WhiteHouse.gov)

Graffiti Artist Will Spray Paint Obama’s Official Portrait on White House Wall, Sources Say

CHICAGO , Ill. — A Chicago graffiti artist, commissioned to “paint” Barack Obama’s official White House portrait, will use markers, stencils and cans of spray paint to draw Obama’s likeness on a wall located in the executive mansion’s [...]
WTC_MASS_SHOOTINGS

Weather Channel To Start Including Local Mass Shooting Forecasts in U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in their local weather segments they broadcast. The move comes in response to the fact that, as [...]
LAPIERRE_HOPES_DREAMS

Wayne LaPierre Shoots and Kills Thoughts and Prayers That Accidentally Wandered Onto His Property

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — Law enforcement authorities in Virginia this morning announced that they’d responded to a 911 call late Wednesday night that came from the residence of NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre. What they found, [...]
Welcome to Florida USA

Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA — Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse and Florida resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary’s Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, [...]
Piggy Bank

PETA Says Smashing Piggy Banks Is A Hate Crime

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) wants to break the cycle of violence —specifically, the savagery aimed at piggy banks— by sponsoring a Constitutional amendment categorizing piggy bank smashing as a hate crime, punishable [...]
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Trump: Orlando Shooting Proves Second Amendment Should Not Apply to Muslims

GLEN OAKS, NEW HAMPSHIRE — Speaking to a large crowd at Fast Fish, a local fried seafood eatery beloved by the citizens of Glen Oaks, New Hampshire, billionaire Donald J. Trump said that if he were president, he’d push to have the [...]
source: Yahoo! Images-Free to use commercially [journalistsresource.org]

Boy Falls into Rush Limbaugh Broadcast Studio Enclosure

By: Cornelious Barthowemew “Cassidy” Pen, TNReport Investigative Journalist NEW YORK NY – A small boy fell into the Rush Limbaugh EIB broadcast enclosure today during the second hour of the nationally syndicated radio talk [...]
Photos by DonkeyHotey Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Donald Trump Tweets ‘Pocahontas’ Elizabeth Warren a Jeep Cherokee

Donald Trump once again took aim at Elizabeth Warren Saturday night, unleashing a double dose of Twitter venom on the U.S. Senator from Massachusetts. The two have been trading shots in a Twitter war that shows no sign of slowing down. In fact, [...]
Castle_Bravo_Blast

Oddsmaker Says Donald Trump Will “Totally Melt Down” on July 4

LAS VEGAS, Nev. — A leading oddsmaker says presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump will suffer “a complete and total nuclear meltdown” over the July 4th holiday weekend, ignited by growing criticism from fellow Republicans, including House [...]
SCFBI

South Carolina Republicans Propose New State Miscarriage Investigation Unit

COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — Just a couple of weeks after South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley (R) signed a sweeping, 20-week abortion ban into law, Republican legislators in her state have proposed an amendment to the law that would earmark [...]
Photo by David Shankbone Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Sanders’ Supporters Return to Drum Circle as Clinton Secures Nomination

Although Senator Bernie Sanders has vowed to compete in the final Democratic presidential primary in Washington, D.C., he gave no indication that he could still win the nomination from Hillary Clinton, and said he would work with her to defeat [...]
Trump_cert

Man Files Freedom of Information Request for Donald Trump’s ‘Human Birth Certificate’

SAN NARANJA, CALIFORNIA — A man in California has filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act for Donald Trump’s “human birth certificate,” according to court records. Phillip Q. Simpson says that he is unconvinced [...]