10202014Headline:
ISS

Family Loses Home After Experimental Drone Confuses “ISS” With “ISIS”

A family of five in Nevada are living out of suitcases in a hotel in Las Vegas today after an experimental military drone crashed into their home in the sleepy town of Pioche on Thursday evening. No one was injured the crash, though the house [...]
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Charlie Sheen’s “Tiger Blood” Might Hold Cure For Ebola, Doctors Say

Hollywood star Charlie Sheen might soon find himself “winning!” a new award — possibly from the Nobel committee — after three doctors in Los Angeles, California revealed on Thursday that they believe Sheen’s blood [...]
Ohio allows voting by smartphone

Ohio Secretary of State Approves New Voting App For November Election

<National Report>In a move to get an incredibly apathetic citizenry to participate in the upcoming November 4th election, Ohio has reportedly approved a new official app to allow anyone in the state to vote from their smartphone. The app, [...]
Obama signs executive order to draft public assistance recipients

Obama To Draft Public Assistance Recipients In Fight Against Ebola

<National Report>President Barack H. Obama is reportedly set to issue an emergency executive order to draft and mobilize the nation’s legion of public assistance recipients in the fight to contain the Ebola virus. Starting in early [...]
Mehmet Oz testifies on Capitol Hill in July 2014

Obama Nominates Dr. Oz for Surgeon General, Vows to ‘Cure’ Ebola

WASHINGTON, DC – The White House announced on Wednesday that President Obama will nominate talk show host Dr. Mehmet Oz of New York Presbyterian Hospital to become the nation’s 19th Surgeon General of the United States.  Oz will replace [...]
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Michelle Obama Makes Ray Rice Assault Joke During Vine Video Shoot

First Lady Michelle Obama went viral on Tuesday after creating a silly Vine video with a turnip. But White House staffers who helped produce the popular video are now saying one of her outtakes — one that was destroyed moments after it [...]
Obama makes November is National Muslim Appreciation Month

Obama Declares November National Muslim Appreciation Month

Washington, DC — President Barack Obama held a press conference to announce that he is declaring the month of November ‘National Muslim Appreciation Month’. “The Muslim community deserves our full acceptance and respect,” [...]
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Presidential Limo Goes Missing, Secret Service Scratching Their Heads

A heavily-armored limousine that has carried President Barack Obama on numerous occasions over the past several years has gone missing, and the US Secret Service, as well as the FBI, the Washington DC Metro Police Department, and the US Capitol [...]
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Tea Party Group Offering To Replace Secret Service, Protect President Obama

At a small rally held Thursday afternoon on the National Mall in the nation’s capital, a group of approximately 100 citizens offered up their services as bodyguards, demanding the government turn over the duty of protecting the life of [...]
Ted_Cruz_by_Gage_SkidmoreRes

Ted Cruz Proposes Gay-Free America

<National Report>Texas Republican Ted Cruz was among the many conservatives figures infuriated by Monday’s Supreme Court decision not to hear appeals on the issue of same-sex marriage. Yesterday, in a historic move, the United States [...]
Martial-Law

Potential Ebola Outbreak Prompts Martial Law

<National Report> A potentially deadly Ebola outbreak in the United States has prompted President Barack Obama to declare Martial Law. He is reportedly demanding US citizens surrender their guns or they will be confiscated. In a press [...]
Rick Perry

Gov. Rick Perry Suspends High School Football In Texas

<National Report>Texas Governor Rick Perry made a controversial move this week when he proposed suspending all high school football programs in the state. Perry’s proposed ban on the sport comes just after the shocking deaths of [...]
Armstrong_Legalize_Marijuana_2001

White House Strategizing National Marijuana Legalization in Summer of 2015

President Barack Obama’s approval ratings haven’t seemed to budge out of the 40% to 50% range much since he took office in 2009. His accomplishments don’t seem to improve his approval ratings, while his scandals don’t [...]
The-Tin-Man-Dorothy-Palin-Cowardly-Lion-and-Scarecrow

Why Sarah Palin Can’t Shut Up About Barack Obama

Word wrangler Sarah Palin has referred to President Barack Obama as lackadaisical, accused him of ‘shucking and jiving,’ and in one interestingly-timed Facebook post last year on Martin Luther King Day, called on the President to stop “playing [...]
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New Florida Law Bans Black Voters From 2016 Presidential Elections

In a vote that failed to capture mainstream media attention, the Florida Elections Commission determined on Thursday that African-Americans will be denied the right to vote in the 2016 presidential elections, unless they have held a steady [...]
Secret Service Employee of the Month Plaque

Secret Service Suspends Employee of the Month Award Program UPDATE: PIERSON RESIGNS

WASHINGTON, DC – Secret Service director Julia Pierson faced intense questioning on Capitol Hill Tuesday after the latest White House security breach involving ‘fence jumper’ Omar Gonzalez.  The intruder was able to run across [...]