(Image:  YouTube)

Penny Marshall: “Scott Baio’s Trump Speech Killed My Brother Garry”

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — Penny Marshall, younger sister of producer/director Gary Marshall, who died on July 19 at the age of 81, spoke publicly for the first time since her brother’s passing. The actress and director reportedly slammed actor [...]
(Image:  Gage Skidmore via Wiki)

Ben Carson Reportedly Raptured After Fiery Speech at Republican National Convention

CLEVELAND, Oh. — Hours after delivering a blistering speech attacking both Hillary Clinton and Lucifer at the Republican National Convention, former presidential candidate Ben Carson was reported missing by his wife Lacena “Candy” Carson. After [...]

Trump Camp: Melania Will Deliver New, Never Heard Before ‘I Have A Dream’ Speech

CLEVELAND, OHIO — The Donald J. Trump presidential campaign has announced that Mr. Trump’s wife Melania will be delivering a second, previously unscheduled speech at the Republican National Convention. The speech is being called [...]
(Image:  Jamie Chung, Smithsonian Institute)

Elizabeth Warren: “Donald Trump’s Tiny Hands Will Fumble the Nuclear Football”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sen. Elizabeth Warren reportedly joked that the size of Donald Trump’s “tiny hands” poses a threat to national security. Warren suggested that Trump would “fumble the nuclear football,” and expose the entire [...]
Photo by DonkeyHotey via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Trump To Media: Stop Saying Terror Attack In France Was ‘Nice’

Trump Asks Media to Stop Referring To Terror Attack In France As “Nice” [NICE, FRANCE] Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reached out indirectly to the media this week, insisting they stop referring to Thursday’s [...]
(Image:  YouTube)

Gov. Mike Pence Will “Make America Straight Again” as Trump’s VP

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — Indiana Gov. Mike Pence vowed to “Make America Straight Again,” moments after news of his probable choice as Donald Trump’s running mate was leaked to major media outlets. Pence will be the first Republican [...]

Trump’s Convention Keynote To Be Delivered By Klansman In Tinfoil Hood

CLEVELAND, OHIO — Turmoil within the Republican Party is nothing new in the last year. Since alleged billionaire and confirmed shart in a suit Donald J. Trump announced his candidacy, the establishment wing of the GOP has fought with [...]
(AP Photo/Chris Carlson)

Michele Bachmann Prays That Gay Conversion Therapy Will Help Her Husband

STILLWATER, Minn. — Former Congresswoman and Tea Party Caucus chair Michele Bachmann says the RNC was “simply listening to God” when they officially added gay conversion therapy to their current party platform. The adoption of what has [...]

Tween Not Excited To Find ‘DoucheyPuff’ Pokémon While Playing Pokémon Go

  LOS CHINGANDOS NARANJAS, CALIFORNIA — A 12-year-old girl playing Pokémon Go — the popular smartphone game that has inspired millions of Americans to start hunting down digital creatures all over their neighborhoods — [...]

Donald Trump To Ask Sarah Palin To Be His VP For The First Half Of His Term

CLEVELAND, OHIO — Presumptive Republican nominee Donald J. Trump set social media abuzz this week when he announced that he’d be announcing who he was choosing as his running mate on Friday. Speculation has run rampant since then, [...]
(AP Photo/Cliff Owen, File)

Sarah Palin Banned From Facebook For Calling BLM Protesters “Thugs”

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin received a 30-day provisional Facebook ban, after calling Black Lives Matter protesters “thugs” over the weekend. The former FOX News commentator demanded that the media stop referring to the radical activists [...]

House Republicans To Introduce Universal Background Check Bill For Porn Purchases

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Citing his party’s newly leaked platform, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) says he will allow a vote on a bill that his Republican caucus has drafted which would create a federal universal background check [...]

President Obama Says He Fears ‘Becoming A Lame Duck Gun Grabber’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) told the press over the weekend that as his administration’s tenure runs out, he’s growing increasingly concerned about “not completing one of Lord Soros’ [...]
(Wikimedia Commons Photo/Gage Skidmore)

Donald Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame Star Changed to Star of David

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — In an effort to dispel accusations of anti-Semitism, Donald Trump will reportedly replace his star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame with the six-pointed Star of David. // The presumptive nominee’s latest move follows [...]
(AP Photo/LM Otero)

Donald Trump Dismisses Anti-Semitism Charge: “I Did Nazi That Coming”

TRUMP TOWER, N.Y. — Donald Trump brushed aside accusations of anti-Semitism, shortly after deleting a Hillary Clinton “Star of David” meme that reportedly originated on a neo-Nazi message board. “We just found it floating around on [...]
Photo by Evan Guest via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Trump Plans to Build Wall Around Syria

NEW YORK—After stating that “the best way to deal with terrorist is to wall ‘em all in,” Donald Trump, the Republican presidential nominee, attempted to clarify his foreign policy position and his plans to “crush ISIS,” by revealing [...]