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Trump to Limit All Intelligence Briefings to 140-Characters

TRUMP TOWER – Soon after securing the Republican presidential nomination, business mogul/reality TV star Donald J. Trump swore off any and all assistance from the U.S. intelligence community, stating he did not trust the briefings he was [...]
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Hundreds of Hipster Socialists Pay Last Respects to Fidel Castro

By Cornelius Bartholomew “Cassidy” Pen | TNReport Investigative Journalist San Francisco California-Galvanized by a 21-bong-hit salute misting through the Mission District of San Francisco, hundreds of bay-area hipsters paid [...]

Donald Trump Claims 10 Billion Illegal Immigrants Voted For Hillary Clinton, And That He Has Cured AIDS

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — In a blast of tweets Sunday afternoon, President-Elect Donald Trump raised eyebrows all over the country by seemingly implying that the election he himself won was fraught with voter fraud. Without citing any evidence [...]

Trump: Ben Carson Perfect For HUD Because ‘It Has The Word Urban In It’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — President-Elect Donald J. Trump has already been raising eyebrows with his cabinet and adviser selections. Trump tapped Jeff Sessions as his Attorney General when Sessions was deemed too racist for a federal judgeship [...]

Obama Wants To Be A ‘Private Sector Gun Grabber’ When He Leaves Office

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The days in President Barack Hussein Obama’s (D-Kenya) presidency are dwindling, and aides close to the first black president are saying he’s been thinking long and hard about what he’ll do once he [...]

Melania Trump To Promote Healthy School Lunches, More Exercise As First Lady

THE WHITE HOUSE — Melania Trump wasted no time in announcing her pet project as the nation’s 45th first lady. During a luncheon hosted by outgoing first lady Michelle Obama, Mrs. Trump said she wanted American children to adopt healthier [...]

Mitt Romney Organizing Victims Of Bill Clinton and Donald Trump’s Sexual Abuse Into Binders

A sad and listless Mitt Romney spent his Wednesday night organizing all the known alleged victims of both Bill Clinton and Donald Trump’s sexual abuse into a brightly colored binder he purchased at Hobby Lobby, sources report. The former [...]

The Covington Report: Fake News Alleged to Cause Cancer & Global Climate Change?

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief “There was a baseline of facts that we could all work off of. And now we just don’t have that.” President Barack Obama, November 21, 2016 <National Report> In an interview yesterday [...]

Pres.-Elect Trump: Ivanka Trump Will Move Into White House ‘To Fill Melania’s Vacancy’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — President-Elect Donald J. Trump announced this week that incoming First Lady Melania Trump and his son Barron would not be moving into the White House when he is sworn-in next January. Today he announced that his daughter [...]

President-Elect Trump Asks That All His Intelligence Briefings Have Pictures

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — The Donald Trump presidential transition team has submitted an official request to Congress, asking that that the new President-elect have his daily intelligence briefings modified from how previous presidents received [...]

Congress Commissions Tiny Bible For Trump’s Inauguration

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-WI) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) will be presenting dual bills to their respective chambers of Congress this week. The bills are specially marked for one purpose [...]
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Anthony Weiner Soon to be Found Dead of Apparent Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

New York City, NY – Anthony Weiner, aka ‘Carlos Danger’ is missing, but will most probably be found dead from what a coroner’s office will likely determine to be “apparent auto-erotic asphyxiation,” according to sources with intimate [...]
Photo by Gage Skidmore (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Trump to Nominate Chris Christie to Supreme Food Court

TRUMP TOWER – President-Elect Donald J. Trump has reportedly assured NJ Governor Chris Christie that, despite recent reports, he has not been banished from his inner circle, and will nominate the Bridgegate behemoth to the Supreme Food Court. // [...]

President-Elect Trump Claims He Has Already Fulfilled His Promise To “Drain The Swamp”

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — President-Elect Donald J. Trump has been quickly trying to get his transition team and administration in place since his historic upset victory over Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential election. Though people [...]

Melania Trump To Wear Michelle Obama’s 2009 Inauguration Dress

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — As she watches her husband, alleged billionaire and President-Elect Donald J. Trump be sworn in next January, Melania Trump will do so wearing a dress very familiar to political observers. “Mrs. Trump will be [...]

Man Starts GoFundMe To Pay For Islamic-Americans’ Concealed Carry Permits

GLEN SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA — When Capt. John Fortsmith retired from the army in 2012 he had no plans to do anything political. Fortsmith considers himself a moderate, having voted for both Republicans and Democrats in presidential elections [...]