09192020Headline:

Trump White House Prepares Pardons for Two Jive-Ass Turkeys

<Washington, DC>In keeping with longstanding tradition, the White House is said to be preparing pardons for two jive-ass turkeys, according to high ranking officials with no knowledge of the decision.  The turkeys, “Eric” [...]

Christopher Plummer to Play Role of Roy Moore in Alabama Senate Race

(Montgomery, AL) – With just weeks before the Alabama Senate special election between Republican Roy Moore and his Democratic challenger Doug Jones, news broke this afternoon suggesting sexual indiscretions dating back decades between [...]

Study Shows Majority Of Americans Believe Trump’s Twitter Intrinsically Linked To His Presidency

Donald Trump is infamous for his aggressive tweeting habits, which is why internet users were left utterly befuddled Thursday when @realdonaldtrump linked to a broken page on Twitter’s website. It has been reported that a disgruntled Twitter [...]

Study Shows Teen Pregnancy Drops Significantly After Age 19

A new study reveals teen pregnancy rates drop significantly after age 19. The startling correlation was reported by millions of family planning centers nationwide after a 5 years study conducted by an exclusive research team led by Dr. Sandra [...]

Punxsutawney Phil Predicts Four More Years of Snowflakes

Punxsutawney, PA – The handlers of Pennsylvania’s most famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, said the furry whiskered rodent saw his shadow early Thursday morning, predicting four more years of insufferable snowflakes. The top hat-wearing [...]

Trump to Limit All Intelligence Briefings to 140-Characters

TRUMP TOWER – Soon after securing the Republican presidential nomination, business mogul/reality TV star Donald J. Trump swore off any and all assistance from the U.S. intelligence community, stating he did not trust the briefings he was [...]


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