02252017Headline:

“Feeling the Bern” Linked to Prolonged Exposure to Cat Feces

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) have uncovered a shocking link between a disease transmitted through cat feces, called toxoplasmosis, and “Feeling the Bern”. Previous studies have indicated that pregnant [...]

Veteran Working as Mall Santa Fired for Saying “God Bless”

<National Report> Theodore “Teddy” Williamont is a hulk of man. Six foot five with broad shoulders and a wide face often covered with a full beard, can be an imposing figure. But his soft demeanor has often earned him the nickname [...]

Obama to Host Religious Awareness Halloween Party: Will Go As a Muslim

<National Report>White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest announced today that President Obama will be hosting a “Religious Awareness Halloween Celebration”. President Obama will be wearing traditional Muslim attire, and Mrs. Obama [...]

Police to Use Urine Analyzing Port-a-Potties at Juggalo Gathering and Phish Summer Tour

<National Report>Law enforcement officials in Ohio have announced that they will be utilizing drug testing Port-a- Potties to monitor drug and alcohol use at the upcoming Juggalo Gathering. The decision came shortly after several cities [...]

Study Finds 1 in 3 Americans Have Been Implanted With RFID Chips: Most Unaware

<National Report> Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) have determined that a shocking 1 in 3 Americans has been implanted with an RFID microchip.  In an article published this week, they detail a study of nearly 3000 [...]
Scott Walker

Wisconsin To Start “Pavement to Plate” Food Stamp Supplement Program

<National Report>Food stamp recipients in Wisconsin may soon have the option of adding an unusual protein source to their diets. Governor Scott Walker announced plans today to implement a meat supplement program that will repurpose the [...]

Inspired by Whitehouse.gov Petition, Obama Will Issue Executive Order to Federally Recognize Muslim Holidays

<National Report>Washington, DC–In a White House press briefing held Friday, Press Secretary Jay Carney responded to questions posed about the multiple whitehouse.gov petitions currently advocating federal recognition of Muslim [...]

Scientists Discover Link Between Exposure to Cat Feces and Juggaloism

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology (WIT) have uncovered a shocking link between a disease transmitted through cat feces, called toxoplasmosis, and Juggaloism. Previous studies have indicated that pregnant women are especially [...]