Queen-Live at the Rainbow ‘74

A Parental Compacted Disc Review By: Cassidy Pen We may have figured we’d heard the last of them, but the sinister homosexual noise band, Queen, has released another splattering of dread onto the faces of the public. The deeply offensive tracks [...]
Old hippies flock to Christian churches in the U.S. to pray for forgiveness & salvation

Elderly Americans Are Turning to God in Record Numbers Not Seen Since 1967

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief <National Report> Not since 1967 when American anarchists turned against God and country so they could have their “rights” to smoke their refer and tongue-worship at the bunghole of [...]
Minecraft Gay Ritual

The National Report Investigates Minecraft & the Dark Side of User-Created Content

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief < WARNING! EXPLICIT UNCENSORED XXX PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!> Please read the statement below first before continuing to the article. * Being fair and unbiased in reporting news is our operating [...]
New world record for masturbating in a 24-hour period

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

La Falda, Argentina — Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo [...]

Yanking Hurler Discovered Cheating

By Cassidy Pen, TNReport Sports Reporter <Bronx, NY> Yesterday, the New York American League baseball club was victorious over their perennial rival, the Boston Red Sox, 4-1. The win is now being overshadowed by suspicion as Yankers Pitcher [...]
A photo of Gaddafi taking over Obama’s body.

Is Obama Possessed By Gaddafi’s Ghost Causing Him To Masturbate To Iranian Hostage Murder Videos?

As a devout Christian, I believe in many spiritual things. Among them are things such as Angels, Demons, demonic possession, bloodletting, snake handling, Heaven, Hell and even spirits aka “ghosts”. With all of the tragedies that [...]
Gingers have little hope in the job market. With semen cures on the rise this hopeless minority might find employment as professional masturbators.

Semen Cure All Claims Could Signal Boon

(National Report) – Semen is touted as a cure all for many physical, psychological and even economic ailments. Semen, the sticky juice extruded from male sex genitals, has been extensively studied and found to cure everything from morning [...]