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Starting October 2015, good bye US currency, hello euro. (image: Wizzard - Public Domain - Wikimedia Commons)

Obama Orders Fed To Adopt Euro Currency

(WASHINGTON, DC) – In the boldest takeover of Presidential authority in history, Barack Obama ordered the Federal Reserve to adopt the euro beginning October 1, 2015, the start of the next fiscal year. The US will soon share the single [...]
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Pope Francis Decrees Abortion Allowable in Certain Cases

<National Report>In a startling reversal of established Catholic doctrine Pope Francis, the ofttimes revolutionary new head of the papacy in Rome, has decreed that abortion, in certain circumstances, is allowable. The Pope made public [...]
Banksy arrested, real name is Paul Horner

Graffiti Artist Banksy Arrested In London; Identity Revealed

London, England — The elusive graffiti artist, political activist, film director, painter and long time fugitive that for years has gone by the pseudonymous name of Banksy, was arrested early this morning by London’s Metropolitan Police. [...]
(source: Kremlin.ru [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)

Putin To Close Russia’s Borders On October 31st Amid Ebola Concerns

<National Report>Russian President Vladimir Putin reportedly has made the decision to lock down his country’s borders to keep out the dreaded Ebola virus. The closing of borders affects land crossing, all airports and all of Russia’s [...]
Kim Jong-un

North Korea Pays Ransom To ISIS; Kim Jong-Un Returned With Minor Injuries

<National Report>In a shocking turn of events, it appears the North Korean government has acquiesced to demands from radical Islamist terrorist group, ISIS. As we reported here on National Report last week, Kim Jong-Un was believed by [...]
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Obama Donates 20 Million Dollars In Aid To Israel

Despite being mired in a touchy situation with our increasingly fragile US economy, Obama has made the choice to donate a hefty 20 million dollars to Israel. Israeli leaders have openly expressed gratitude after being granted the funds, which [...]
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Hamas Militants Destroy Church Of Holy Sepulchre In Retaliation For Recent Attacks

// // // ]]> <National Report>After a bloody week of clashes that has left several hundred Palestinians dead, Hamas has exacted revenge by leveling the revered Church of The Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. Several hundred Hamas extremists [...]
India rape festival

The Assam Rape Festival In India Begins This Week

Assam, INDIA — Men in India are already beginning to celebrate as the annual Assam Rape Festival is just days away. Every non-married girl age 7-16 will have the chance to flee to safety or get raped. Madhuban Ahluwalia who heads up the annual [...]
New world record for masturbating in a 24-hour period

Argentinian Man Masturbates 83 Times In 24 Hour Period – New World Record

La Falda, Argentina — Residents of a small town in Argentina are celebrating today as one of their own citizens has become the new record holder in the field of masturbation. From 8pm Thursday evening until 8pm Friday night, 22-year-old Hugo [...]
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Reparations Bistro – Wealthy Portland Man Opens A Café Where African Americans Dine For Free

(Portland, Oregon) – Lloyd Derringer was born to a wealthy, elite family of bankers and stock investors. He spent most of his childhood and adolescent years travelling the world with his parents, experiencing a multitude of different [...]
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Portland, OR Schools Abolish Lunchtime To Avoid Allegations Of Racism

(Portland, OR) – Racism. It’s everywhere. Like a vile cancer that has managed to worm it’s way into every nook and cranny of our psychological landscape. It seems to be buried deep within the very molecular fabric of our culture–A [...]
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Kansas Town Hosting 21st Annual Overbrook Gourmet Dog Meat Festival

(Overbrook, KS) – For three generations the modest hamlet of Overbrook, KS has been cooking up a dish that by most American’s standards is shockingly taboo. Canines have been on the community’s menu since the early 1970s when [...]
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Dog Food Recall Platinum K-9 Brand Found To Contain Traces Of LSD

(World) – The Platinum K-9 brand of dog food has been recalled after large quantities of the hallucinogenic drug LSD was found in products on supermarket shelves. Authorities are still not sure how the dog food became contaminated but [...]
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Jerome Illinois Middle School Goes Muslim For The Month Of November

<NR>The small town of Jerome Illinois made big news this week when they announced plans to celebrate Muslim Appreciation Month in exceptional fashion. Students at Westhills Middle School will get a taste of Islamic living during November [...]
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Portland Oregon Super-STD Crisis Follow Up – Important New Information Regarding The Virus

(Portland, OR) – It has been two whole days since the first traces of the frighteningly advanced Super-Clap reared its ugly head in the North West city of Portland, Oregon. Warnings have been issued over the local television and radio [...]
Portland Oregon STD Featured

Portland Oregon Host To Deadly New Strain Of Sexually Transmitted Disease

(Portland, OR) – A new STD has emerged in the free-spirited, bohemian mecca known as the City Of Roses. Surrounded by conservatives and farmland, Portland, Oregon acts as the states’ personal Australia; A prison settlement where [...]