Christian Man Refuses To Put Quarter In Homeless Man’s Red Starbucks “Holiday” Cup

FONDUE LAKE, WISCONSIN — A local story out of the Cheese State has murmurs of the so-called “War on Christmas” echoing throughout the country once again. As reported by local TV-station WWISC, a man named Bill Ricci — [...]

Pope Francis Invites Juggalos to Exclusive Vatican Banquet

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has invited people from all walks of life to the Vatican. Convicted felons, the homeless, even prostitutes have been welcomed into the Kingdom of God by the pontiff. Now, his holiness has sent an invitation to [...]

Mississippi Church Offering ‘Pray Tans’ in Honor of Trump Visit

JACKSON, MS – Controversial Pastor Hugh Jardon of Jackson First Baptist Church is offering ‘pray tans’ to his congregation in honor of GOP front runner Donald Trump’s visit to Jackson, Mississippi, and is hoping the publicity stunt [...]

Pope Francis: New York Pizza Rat Symbolizes Jesus’ Burden

EAST HARLEM, N.Y. – By now it seems everyone has seen ‘Pizza Rat’, the doggedly determined rodent captured on video transporting a discarded slice of pizza, step-by-step, down the stairs of a New York City subway station. Conan [...]

Sarah Palin Objects to Junípero Serra’s Canonization: ‘Cannonball May Injure Somebody’

WASILLA, Alaska – Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin objected to the canonization of 18th-century Franciscan friar Junípero Serra, because “the cannonball may injure somebody” during the canonization rite, which she believes involves “shooting [...]

ISIS Leaders Praise Kim Davis – First Female to Win ISIS Courage Award

AL-Raqqah, Syria– Kim Davis has garnered support across the country for refusing to grant marriage licenses to same-sex couples based on her religious belief that homosexuality is an abomination in the eyes of God. Conservative Christians [...]

Kim Davis Guilty of Bigamy, Says Kentucky Bylaw

ROWAN COUNTY, Ky. – Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who served a 6-day sentence for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, is guilty of bigamy, according to a state bylaw issued by Isaac Shelby, the first elected Governor [...]

Cynthia Francis, Wife of Pope Francis, Seeks Annulment To 38-Year Marriage

FLORES, Argentina – Cynthia Agustina Francis, wife of Pope Francis, has sought official annulment of her 38-year marriage, citing “estrangement after prolonged separation”, according to court papers filed in Buenos Aires. The move comes [...]

Sarah Palin Will Teach American English College Course

WASILLA, Alaska – The University of Phoenix has reportedly hired former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as an Assistant Professor of Language Arts. Palin will teach a new, online course called “American English,” a more informal speaking [...]

Televangelist Pat Robertson, 85, Found Unresponsive at Virginia Beach Studio

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. – Televangelist Pat Robertson, 85, was found unresponsive yesterday at the Virginia Beach headquarters of the Christian Broadcasting Network, the media empire he founded more than a half-century ago. The media mogul was [...]

Cecil The Lion ‘Truther’ Denies Lion’s Existence, ‘Seeks Hide’

There’s a new “truther” movement out there, and it doesn’t involve jet fuel, steel beams, or Kenyan birth certificates. It does however, center around a global event gripping the hearts and minds of millions – the [...]

Pope Francis Removes Confederate Flag From Vatican

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis, joining the growing movement sweeping throughout the United States calling for the elimination of Confederate flags and symbols, has ordered the removal of the Confederate flag from all “chapels, museums, [...]

Charleston Church Shooting: 7 Souls to Heaven, 2 to Purgatory

CHARLESTON, S.C. – Of the nine people viciously slaughtered at the historic black church Wednesday night, seven of the souls have an automatic pass to the Kingdom of Heaven while unfortunately, two will have to await judgement. “Sorry [...]

Mormon Church Announces Final Revelation: There Is No God

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH – In a surprise turn of events the Quorum of Twelve, the secret leadership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has ruled that the Supreme Being has finally revealed to them that he doesn’t exist. “There [...]