(AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

CDC to Deploy ‘Elite’ Vaccination Units to Combat Measles, Other Viruses

ATLANTA, Ga. – Amid the growing debate over the use of vaccines, the Centers For Disease Control is stepping up its efforts to combat the spread of infectious disease in the United States. In 2000, the U.S. declared measles effectively [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Guess Who Got Caught Smoking At The White House?

THE WHITE HOUSE – Every parent – well, the responsible ones anyway – make sure their kids are brought up out of harm’s way. If those children happen to be growing up in the spotlight, it becomes more challenging not only to shield [...]
(AP Photo/Jae C. Hong, File)

Walmart to Add Feeding Troughs to Checkout Lanes

BENTONVILLE, AK – With unparalleled dedication to customer convenience, retail giant Walmart has announced plans to add feeding troughs to their check-out lanes beginning in the fall of 2015. “Our customers get hungry.” says CEO Doug [...]
(AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Gluten Activists Stage Nationwide Counter Demonstrations

According to reports from several media outlets, groups of Gluten Rights activists have staged sit-ins and counter demonstrations in at least a dozen cities across the US. Boston, New York, Chicago and Atlanta reported mini-marches taking [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Michelle Obama’s School Lunch Program Leads to Rise in School Shartings

Washington, D.C. – First Lady Michelle Obama’s Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, the federally mandated school lunch program, is not only financially crippling some school lunch programs, but now according to recent studies, could be directly [...]
(AP Photo/Christophe Ena, file)

Kim Kardashian’s Large Ass Bruised After A Fall

LOS ANGELES – Months after drawing attention to her oversized talents in last November’s Paper Magazine, yet another story concerning Kim Kardashian and her very large ass has muscled its way into the American consciousness. A story [...]
(AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez, File)

Netflix To Limit ‘Binge Watching’ In Effort To Promote Fitness

“Binge watching”. It’s become the a way of life for modern society, but streaming media company, Netflix, wants to address how often their customers use the service. The California-based company will be working with the President’s [...]
(AP Photo/Nam Y. Huh, File)

New Study Links “Vaping” To Erectile Dysfunction

The popularity of vaping via e-cigarettes, pens and “mods” has reached an all-time high across the nation in recent months despite health care professional’s warnings that the safety of these methods are questionable at best. It’s [...]
(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Vice President Joe Biden Entered Betty Ford Treatment Center, Sources Confirm

RANCHO MIRAGE, California – Vice President Joe Biden reportedly entered the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California on Feb. 26, according to a source close to the chemical dependency recovery facility. Biden was escorted into the Center [...]
(AP Photo/Brennan Linsley)

Marijuana “Dabs” Proven To Cause Irreversible Brain Damage

22-year-old Tommy Gibbs lays strapped to a hospital gurney at the Johnson-Hemingway Neurological Research institute. Trapped within a catatonic state, he stares vacantly towards the ceiling. His mother, Harriet Gibbs, sits nearby, sobbing quietly [...]
(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

“Only A Few Months Left” Says White House Physician, As Rescue Efforts Fail

THE WHITE HOUSE – A somber announcement was issued from the Rose Garden on Tuesday, where emergency efforts were undertaken to save the life of a beloved member of the White House family – a rare Japanese cherry tree, presented as a gift [...]

Daniel Tosh Beaten by Prostitute

LAS VEGAS – Stand-up comedian, writer, actor, executive producer and Comedy Central host Daniel Tosh, was reportedly beaten by exotic dancer and professional escort Jazmine Holt, 26, at an exclusive Las Vegas gentlemen’s club. According [...]
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar, File)

Millions Mourn As Rocker/Activist Ted Nugent, Age 66, Found Alive

Millions of Americans are in mourning after news broke this afternoon that rocker/activist Ted Nugent was still alive. Word broke early, spread quickly, and sent shock waves throughout the rock and roll community and the Republican Party, [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

House Speaker John Boehner, 65, Found Dead Inside, Sources Claim

CAPITOL HILL – House Speaker John Boehner was found to be “dead inside” according to reports leaked to members of the press from various Congressional staffers, following his narrow reelection as Speaker last January, and amid [...]
(AP Photo/Reed Saxon)

Airlines Consider Requiring Proof Of Vaccination For Domestic Air Travel

Traveling by air may get even more complicated if a reported plan by major carrier airlines requiring passengers to be vaccinated comes to fruition. After the increasing problem of unvaccinated individuals contracting and spreading communicable [...]

Anti-Pet Vaccination Trend Spurns Rabies Outbreak In Orange County

(Orange County, CA) – The anti-vaccination trend which has spawned the current measles epidemic amongst US children is also reportedly at blame for an equally terrifying outbreak leaving Orange County pet owners in a panic. The county [...]