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Bristol Palin Diagnosed with Chronic DTF

Wasilla, AK – According to several independent Alaskan media outlets, Bristol Palin has been diagnosed with chronic DTF. This crushing news comes just one month after giving birth to her second out-of-wedlock child, the beautiful and healthy [...]
Image Courtesy of DonkeyHotey via Flickr Attribution ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Oregon Militia to Surrender Due to Pink Eye Outbreak; Reports Say

Burns, OR – Reports coming out of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge overrun by heavily armed patriots idiots are saying a full surrender to authorities is imminent after a nasty outbreak of pink eye has left tensions inside the federal bird sanctuary [...]
(AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar, File)

Chipotle’s E. coli Outbreak Traced Back To Sean Penn’s Beard

DENVER, Colo. – Actor/activist Sean Penn is denying reports that his beard is the source of multiple, nationwide E. coli outbreaks affecting the Chipotle restaurant chain. Penn’s denial follows reports that he fears for his life, [...]
Young Bristol Palin can't seem to keep her legs closed long enough to keep from falling off her high horse (Photo by Todd Williamson/Invision/AP, FIle)

Bristol Palin Struggling With Postparty Depression, Sources Say

WASILLA, Alaska – Abstinence booster/single mother Bristol Palin, 25, is suffering from postparty depression following the birth of her second child, Sailor Grace, say sources close to the Palin family compound in Wasilla. Palin, daughter [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Obama Bans Microbeads, Are Guns Next?

President Barack Obama has signed legislation that effectively outlaws plastic microbeads in facial and body cleansers. The bill that bans the sale and distribution of microbead cleansers is reported to help protect the nation’s water [...]
(AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)

Bernie Sanders’ Hernia Surgery Not Covered by Obamacare

Democratic Presidential candidate and internet darling Bernie Sanders underwent a planned hernia surgery today at George Washington University Hospital. What many media sources are neglecting to report is that Sanders will likely have to come [...]

Study Claims Only Way To Be Less Racist Is To Accuse Others Of Racism

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); A study out of Denver’s Diversity Symposium has found the only way for people to extinguish racism in their own souls is to become experts at identifying racism in others. Dr. Wilder, [...]

Husband Gets Colostomy Bag Tattoo After Wife’s Accident

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); In a truly heart-warming display of solidarity, a husband surprises his wife with a colostomy bag tattoo after a tragic skiing accident rendered her unable to pass solid waste. Dan Barrows, [...]
(Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP)

Subway to Unleash Oprah ‘Nuclear Option’ to Recover from Jared Fogle Debacle

As the sordid tale of former Subway spokesman, Jared Fogle, continues to unfold, sources inside the sandwich juggernaut allege that a corporate partnership with Oprah Winfrey is on the horizon. A source close to an “important person” [...]
(AP Photo/Wong Maye-E, File)

Are Kim Jong-Un’s Latest Acts of Aggression the Result of ‘Roid Rage’?

It’s that time of the year again. The kids are going back to school, the NFL season is about to begin, and North Korea has once again threatened to attack the United States. This season’s threats from the Hermit Kingdom came with [...]

National Hobby Store Chain To Sell DIY Abortion Kits

In a stunning reversal of company policy, a large national hobby store chain has announced plans to sell a “do it yourself” abortion kit in its 500 stores and online. This change comes amid new findings about Planned Parenthood’s practice [...]
”(AP Photo/Jacques Brinon, File)

FDA Orders Hype Energy Drink to Drop Kim Kardashian as Ambassador

The FDA, recently angered by an Instagram photo seemingly endorsing the morning sickness drug, Diclegis, have now fired additional shots at celebrity, Kim Kardashian, according to sources in Hollywood. The FDA asserts that the Instagram selfie [...]

California Fraternity Organization Launches “Don’t Be A Snitch” Campaign, Aimed at Reducing Sexual Assault

It’s that time of year again. “Back to School!” And while you may be seeing television ads for everything from new clothing, lunch items, computers and school supplies; if you are a college student in the state of California, you soon [...]
(AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

Kleenex Apologizes For Fetal Tissue Ad Campaign

IRVING, Tex. – A project coordinator from Kleenex® apologized for losing track of video shot for an ad campaign called Baby’s First Tissue. The video featured actors in restaurant, office and clinic settings discussing personal care [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Sen. Tom Cotton Defends Gay Conversion Therapy: “Worked For Me”

West Memphis, AR, -  Facing the harsh reality that you have unwanted homosexual urges can cause tremendous strife, especially if those urges conflict with your deeply held religious beliefs. Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton, 38, is speaking out [...]
(AP Photo/Charles Krupa)

Planned Parenthood’s ‘Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Have That Abortion’

Irving, CA, – The Center For Medical Progress, (CMP), the organization responsible for exposing Planned Parenthood doctors discussing the illegal sale of dead baby parts, has reportedly unearthed another shocking discovery that could [...]