09192014Headline:
hospital-bed

EV-D68 To Blame For Child’s Death

<National Report>The Enterovirus D68, or EV-D68 took American children by storm in early August 2014. While the Enterovirus is a relatively common phenomenon, the D68 strain is not, and it has hospitalized hundreds of children within the [...]
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All Women Certifiably Crazy, Study Finds

<National Report>The National Institute of Public Safety, in conjunction with the Wyoming Institute of Technology, has just revealed what many us already knew: All women, regardless of age or race, are at least a little bit certifiably [...]
DickCheneyHeart

Dick Cheney and Medical Center Sued By Family of Heart Donor; Obama Support Revealed

FALLS CHURCH, Virginia – A lawsuit filed in Fairfax County Superior Court dating back to 2012, names former Vice President Dick Cheney and George Washington University Hospital as defendants on behalf of ‘Heart Donor X, et al.’ The unnamed [...]
Ebola-story

Wealthy Now Declared ‘Immune” From Ebola

Move over HIV, you’ve got company! Doctors today declared Ebola all but cured, but for a price. Citing a “historic day,” doctors at the Infectious Diseases Unit at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention held a press [...]
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McDonald’s Using Genetically Modified Beef In Its Burgers

<National Report>At a time when many consumers are expressing concern over the use of genetic engineering on human food sources, McDonald’s has been found to be using beef from cows that have been genetically modified from their [...]
Merck Top Ten Cancers

Merck Pharmaceutical Lists 10-Best Cancers of 2014

WILMINGTON, DE – It’s That time of year again.  The end of summer ushers in the much-anticipated Merck Pharmaceutical annual list of the Top Ten Cancers.  Industry and patients alike are all abuzz about the new cancer power [...]
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Herpes Outbreak in North Scottsdale Movie Theater

A movie theater in the uber hip city of North Scottsdale, Arizona is now temporarily closed after several people contracting herpes from the movie sits while enjoying a flick. Two teenagers whose bodies are covered in herpes blisters claim [...]
BoilingWaterChallenge

Boiling Water Challenge Injures Multiple Teens

<National Report>Several teens have been severely injured over the last several days after attempting a dangerous new variation of the ice bucket challenge. The new challenge, which teens are calling the boiling water challenge, is the [...]
President Obama raising the minimum drinking age to 24

Obama Raising The Minimum Drinking Age To 24 In October

Washington, DC — In a press conference at the White House today, President Barack Obama announced his controversial decision to raise the minimum drinking age from 21 to 24 years of age. “We must work harder to protect the young people [...]
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions. Fappy The [...]
Ebola-virus-pink-jpg

Ebola Mutation Confirmed To Be Airborne

<National Report>A preliminary emergency investigation by the Center for Disease Control has determined that a new virulent mutation of the Ebola virus may have come into the U.S. on several international flights from the African continent. Concern [...]
Blue_Crystal_Meth

Obamacare Funding is Buying Meth for Addicts, Doctor Claims

<National Report>A drug rehabilitation clinic in Chicago, Illinois has been giving regular doses of crystal meth to addicts seeking treatment, a staff doctor revealed this weekend. And it turns out American taxpayers are picking up the [...]
UMC Hospital in Boston, MA

Man Enters Hospital for Routine Surgery Goes Home with a Vagina – Lawsuit Filed

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief A Massachusetts man awoke from a routine circumcision Wednesday to find doctors had mistakenly performed a vaginoplasty. Robert Merkin, 26, of Provo, Utah, had entered the University Medical Center [...]
Piotr Smuszkiewicz, Iwona Trojanowska and Hanna Tomczak
Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia

Flesh Eating Bacteria Found in Water Supply Across the South

  <National Report>Health officials across the South have issued a warning of dangerously high levels of flesh-eating bacterium found in local water supplies.  Officials in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia are asking [...]
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Do You Have An Above Average IQ? Five Signs You Might Be Smarter Than You Think You Are!

Positive Attitude Einstein shed not one single solitary tear of sadness during his long and storied life. Tesla could frequently be seen whistling happily as he concocted scientific wonders in his expansive lab. Bobby Fisher, the chess champion [...]
REUTERS/Steve Marcus

Mysterious Outbreak of STD’s at Bundy Compound – County Officials Alarmed!

<National Report>In what was supposed to be a sensitive and closely guarded secret report, details have leaked from the Clark County Medical Services Department stating that there has been an alarming outbreak of “STD’s”, [...]