Boiling Water Challenge Injures Multiple Teens

<National Report>Several teens have been severely injured over the last several days after attempting a dangerous new variation of the ice bucket challenge. The new challenge, which teens are calling the boiling water challenge, is the [...]
President Obama raising the minimum drinking age to 24

Obama Raising The Minimum Drinking Age To 24 In October

Washington, DC — In a press conference at the White House today, President Barack Obama announced his controversial decision to raise the minimum drinking age from 21 to 24 years of age. “We must work harder to protect the young people [...]
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group Sues Other Christian Anti-Masturbation Group For $350 Million Claiming Trademark Infringement

Creve Coeur, MO — A federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization claims that another federally funded Christian anti-masturbation organization has violated their intellectual property and is now suing for millions. Fappy The [...]

Ebola Mutation Confirmed To Be Airborne

<National Report>A preliminary emergency investigation by the Center for Disease Control has determined that a new virulent mutation of the Ebola virus may have come into the U.S. on several international flights from the African continent. Concern [...]

Obamacare Funding is Buying Meth for Addicts, Doctor Claims

<National Report>A drug rehabilitation clinic in Chicago, Illinois has been giving regular doses of crystal meth to addicts seeking treatment, a staff doctor revealed this weekend. And it turns out American taxpayers are picking up the [...]
UMC Hospital in Boston, MA

Man Enters Hospital for Routine Surgery Goes Home with a Vagina – Lawsuit Filed

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief A Massachusetts man awoke from a routine circumcision Wednesday to find doctors had mistakenly performed a vaginoplasty. Robert Merkin, 26, of Provo, Utah, had entered the University Medical Center [...]
Piotr Smuszkiewicz, Iwona Trojanowska and Hanna Tomczak
Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 via Wikimedia

Flesh Eating Bacteria Found in Water Supply Across the South

  <National Report>Health officials across the South have issued a warning of dangerously high levels of flesh-eating bacterium found in local water supplies.  Officials in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia are asking [...]

Do You Have An Above Average IQ? Five Signs You Might Be Smarter Than You Think You Are!

Positive Attitude Einstein shed not one single solitary tear of sadness during his long and storied life. Tesla could frequently be seen whistling happily as he concocted scientific wonders in his expansive lab. Bobby Fisher, the chess champion [...]
REUTERS/Steve Marcus

Mysterious Outbreak of STD’s at Bundy Compound – County Officials Alarmed!

<National Report>In what was supposed to be a sensitive and closely guarded secret report, details have leaked from the Clark County Medical Services Department stating that there has been an alarming outbreak of “STD’s”, [...]
Toilet Spider at 400

Killer Aussie Huntsman Spider to Infest Gulf of Mexico by End of 2015 (VIDEO)

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief Most giant Huntsman spiders are not dangerous. Though harmless if you’ve never seen one before their size can stop you dead in your tracks. The non-venomous Huntsman for years have lived in the [...]

Washington’s Recreational Marijuana Legalization Leads To Several Reported Deaths

<National Report> (Bellingham, Washington) – Emergency rooms in Washington are overflowing with patients suffering from acute marijuana toxicity AKA (Marijuana Overdose), after recreational cannabis was legalized during the weekend. [...]
Who wants to sit next to some disgusting porker who stinks for an entire flight?

Morbid Obesity May Soon be the Battlefield of the Civil Rights Movement

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief Obesity is often cited as causing a national health crisis, with 35.7 percent of U.S. adults fitting into a category associated with elevated risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes and certain [...]

Crisis at the Border: CDC Investigates Mystery Illness Spreading Through Border Towns

<National Report>Concerns about the large number of undocumented women with children, as well as unaccompanied undocumented children, being housed in military bases and border towns along the U.S./Mexico border have been growing in recent [...]

Autism Conclusively Linked To Agricultural Pesticides

<National Report> A major multidisciplinary paper is scheduled to be released late next month that conclusively links the increasing autism epidemic to the consumption of organic foods. Following a meta study conducted at the University [...]
Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin speaking to students

Christian Anti-Masturbation Group’s Mascot Arrested For Public Masturbation

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says [...]

Progressive Veterinary Clinic Performs First-Ever Pet Sex Change Operation

<National Report> (Long Beach, California) – When Charlene Walker adopted her pug, Jazzy, from a local pug rescue, she was elated to be bringing home the newest addition to her family. However, almost immediately after they arrived [...]