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Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

 (AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

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1,892 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. ballsack says:

    i swear while i was reading this article, I checked at least 3 times to make sure i wasn’t reading The Onion…

  2. jimbro1000 says:

    When I stopped laughing (and that took some time) I did a bit of very simple maths and worked out that the percentage of the sun’s energy output that is naturally directed at the earth equates to approximately 5×10-13 of the total instantaneous output at the surface of the sun (ignoring what happens on the much more energetic internals). On that basis if the sun has a useful future lifespan (for our planet) of 5,000,000,000 years then to decrease the life of the sun to a couple of centuries then the energy output of the sun would need to increase by a factor of 5×10+19 (50,000,000,000,000,000,000). If that’s what solar panels does to us then we need better sunglasses

  3. scooter says:

    Ok, Dr Franz Guttenberg, I am NOT a Theoretical Physicist but I do have a rudimentary understanding of basic science and physicics. So let me ask you this; How many Earths would fit into the sun? Current idea is, 1.3 MILLION earths. Heck, that is a LOT of Earths.
    So tell me again how it is that on a planet that is One TEN THOUSANDTH of ONE Percent of the size of the Sun, is going to draw enough energy off of the Sun to harm it? I’m kinda fuzzy on that. lol

  4. Muckel says:

    This is really comedy, right? Really reminds me of space balls: Solar panel are really huge vacuum cleaners.

    Pleas tell me that nobody is seriously discussing this crap.

  5. Erwin says:

    This is up there with as one of the daftest articles ever written! The writer should be banned from writing about science. It’s clear he doesn’t even have cursory knowledge of physics. Without even going to the fact that the sun is radiating energy in all directions through what magic force is solar panels supposedly drawing increasing amounts of energy from the sun?!? This article is an embarrassment!

  6. Dom says:

    It makes me so sad that “research” like this gets funded, when the money could go to something actually beneficial, for example solar roads. I really do hate the way some people feel the need to try and disprove things that can only ever help. I cant even be bothered to say anything about this pseudoscience, other people have managed that better than I could. I mean seriously, green energy has literally no negative side effects. It’s only bad for oil and coal companies, and to me that is one of it’s major selling points: it puts these selfish *insert derogatory word of choice here* out of power.

  7. kris edwards says:

    Im no physicist. But I can pretty safely say that this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. And I would without guilt punch in the face whomever wrote/believes this utter bullshit

  8. JRC says:

    This is the epitome of idiocracy. Corporate giants are paying scientists to spew crap and the result will be a generation of morons who “like money and sex.” Common sense… Seriously.

  9. Solo says:

    I wonder if we should start to defoliate the earth, to prevent all of the plants from draining the sun. Thank you for the eye opening report you may have save lives. Not real lives more like imaginary lives, or voices of the same nature as the voices that live inside Matt Rock’s head. Drain baby Drain

  10. kris edwards says:

    That must be why my fireplace goes out when I put my pot plants near it…. not. #nomorebushfires.

  11. Aeromeba says:

    This is a joke, right? Do the authors realize how funny they are? Ha, ha, ha…LMFAO

  12. James Clark says:

    I’m not convinced that this isn’t some sort of reprint from The Onion. This has to be a joke, right?

  13. jan says:

    What with the underside of the earth? That part that never faces the sun?

    • Jeff Aaron says:

      There is no “underside” of the Earth. The Earth rotates, so every part of the Earth faces the sun at some point.

      • John Hand says:

        And what you just told Jan further illustrates that there is a GOD Jeff. Think about it. A ball of earth, water and atmosphere placed exactly at the distance from a big ball of fire and into a elliptical orbit so that the planet has seasons. And the earth also tilts so that as the earth is at its greatest distance from the sun, the upper half of the planet, the part most populated is tilted so that it gets the sun rays directly.

        The earth floats in space, it tilts, and it all results in sustaining a very liveable environment for the creature called man.

        This is not an accident of ‘nature.” This is by global design.

    • Ut-oh says:

      How old are you, Jan? You should listen to Jeff here. And watch a Discovery Channel program or better yet take a basic Biology course at a community college with no religious affiliation.

  14. Tullball Spøk says:

    This is probably all true. Just like you can make ignificant savings on your electriity bills by wearing sunglasses indoors at night. Or simply by closing your eyes. That will also save your light bulbs, as you don’t pull out so much light (energy) ut of the lamp filaments. The filamens run much cooler when you close your eyes.

  15. John Kronenberger says:

    I suspect you pulled your degree from Uranus.

  16. Jeremy says:

    When you consider that every black surface on earth is as well as every plant and phytoplankton on earth absorbs the sun’s energy, this theory is ridiculous. How do you even test such a theory and its actual effect on the Sun’s capacity to sustain energy. If you people are this gullible… Bless your hearts…

  17. Varrus Gakarian says:

    Halliburton concerned about sucking dry our natural resources? say what?

  18. joe says:

    aaaahahahahahah!

    Good one.

  19. Marvin the Martian says:

    I will just turn down the Aludium P32 Space Modulator a few notches, and all you earthlings will be just fine.

    I’d sell your stock in SPF50 products though.

  20. Ed O'Meara says:

    HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

    Great satire guys. Brilliant!

  21. Wow..... says:

    People of this “news organization” are you fucking retarded!?!?!?

  22. ndnjon says:

    at any rate Global Warming will no longer be a problem. It’s getting too warm? Just install more solar panels. Oh, it’s getting too cold now? We’ll just remove those panels. Climate Change has been FIXED. Thanks Cheney, I guess you’re not Darth Vader after all, even if you don’t have an actual heartbeat!

  23. S.Vyse says:

    What utter nonsense, once again some useless oil company funded research project. How this paper even got published through any form of review is beyond me.

  24. Mikey says:

    Hey, it’s sarcasm. A joke! Don’t argue with it. If you are a republican, you are welcome to agree with it though…

  25. Vic says:

    I love it when NR takes time out to personally poke the idiots it caught who didn’t look at the website before they clicked on it.

    It’s National Report, guys. Google ’em.

  26. dre says:

    Dumbest article EVER!!! A privately funded think-tank, eh? Privately funded by gas n oil companies! How many millions of miles away is the sun again? And we’re supposed to believe that a few solar panels, equal to the size of a speck of dust when compared to the universe, are actually pulling energy away from the sun as opposed to just harnessing the energy provided? Who hit you with a stupid stick?

  27. Johnny X says:

    Know what… I don’t even want to sit here and try and say my piece on this. Everyone else pretty much said it already, this is stupid bullshit with no real supporting evidence and doesn’t even site any notable sources. Try and herd the sheep, we have too many anyways and they’re overgrazing our land so to speak; the rest of us will just continue to call bullshit on you. I can’t wait to see my gas prices go up one cent to pay for this stupid ass article.

  28. O.Abidi says:

    Wow.. What a load of BS… And the type that really stinks of Oil Company funding!..

    If this were true, it would mean that the Sun is “Aware”.. Hahaha… How can anybnody with what we deem to be a Brain look at this BS Science and believe it to be anything but Oil Company propaganda against the inevitable Solar and green energy revolution we are at the very beginning of!..

    Nice try oil companies!!…

    Unfortunately, we are just not dumb enough to ever fall for your Crap!

    • Tim P says:

      but sadly you are dumb enough to not know when a whole website is devoted to satire…..

  29. Eric says:

    These comments are horrible. You do all realize this site is Satire right? It’s not real. =_=” Its like you’re debating on an Onion News Article.

  30. Cordelia says:

    Once again the far right trying to sound scientific, and scare the hell out of uneducated people. The sun produces energy through fusion and solar collectors do the same thing that plants have been doing for eons. Please, any website that has Sarah Palin at the top just screams ignorance.

  31. korry says:

    Payed for by haliburton? Like haliburton oilfield services? No shit eh? Lol

  32. brett wilson says:

    I’ve heard such balderdash in along time. This is obviously some kind of scientist prank, Hahaha. Good one.

  33. Paul says:

    This is pseudoscience misinformation at its worst. If I used similar logic, maybe I could prevent such bad journalism from being published by reading it (or shining the light from my computer onto solar panels).

    -an actual physicist not paid by Haliburton

  34. Crightone says:

    This must be a comedy website.

  35. David Korabell says:

    Wait a minute! this is definitely an April fools joke.

    The Wyoming Institute of Technology
    says solar panels are making the sun go dim(W.I.T.). You’d have to be a dimwit to believe it!

  36. BS says:

    lol – If Halliburton thought they’d found a way to drain the sun dry for profit they’d we’d already all be dead on a frozen planet.

  37. Frodo says:

    Hahaha wow I find it so funny how people are actually arguing about this lol it is clearly bullshite. That is all

  38. Billy Zygote says:

    This can’t real science. Its propaganda bull$%&&. Shame on any human that falls for this crap.

  39. Fred says:

    Lol oil companies are getting creative now, ridiculous article.

  40. Elessa says:

    The Astronomy major in me is cringing so hard right now. Not only does the OP know nothing about Astronomy, how Stars operate and work, but they have no linked sources to back up their claims, no evidence to provide, false quotes without cited sources. Even if they did have all those things, a lot of the sources they would draw from would be sorely mistaken anyways. I’m just beside myself with awe and rage over the ridiculous amount of crap this article is. I don’t even feel like I need to justify how ridiculous this is. Even highschool students know better.
    I’d like to know who these scientific experts are.

  41. lol says:

    lmao !!! Halliburton corporation – how much did u pay these “experts”?

  42. Ty says:

    ahahahah! What a great morning read. It is nice to get up and start the day off with a laugh! Also, I didn’t see this amazing new study cited anywhere. Can anyone point me to it? Solar panels will suck all the heat out of the sun!!!! Beware!!!! 🙂

  43. Tim Lloyd says:

    Halliburton, because with their track record of good works and ethics we should believe them, and their story isn’t obviously full of $h*T

    • John Hand says:

      Halliburton served a real need in Iraq and Afghanistan. Ask our soldiers.

  44. gt says:

    I am inclined to believe that these so-called “experts” got their diplomas from Cracker Jack boxes. Solar energy is PASSIVE. The sun will continue to expel the same amount of energy (give or take) until it stops. NOTHING done on earth will affect that. The scary part is that some people will believe this crap. No wonder the US political system is becoming the laughing stock of the entire world. Pull you heads out of your collective asses. Freakin morons.

    • Tom braak says:

      Odd thing to – try googling the Wyoming Institute of Technology (the one claiming to have done this study). I did, and nothing came up. Then, note how many people from this organization they quote from. Not one!

      Does it surprise us that Haliburton funded this report?

    • Adrian Lombardini says:

      Lol. Well said. The whole surface of the earth and the other planets is insignificant, compared to all the space that the sun irradiates. To even suggest that solar panels can make the slightest difference at such scale means that they truly think we are hopeless idiots. It’s infuriating, really.

    • Hector says:

      LOL… Dude… LOL

    • Parody Man says:

      Parody alert.

    • AMARIE12 says:

      Maybe learn about the concept of satire? Nothing on this website is ever actual factual news.

    • David Lange says:

      This story is exactly the reason why the Left believes the Right are lunatics.

    • Raymond Gipson says:

      SO, WHERE IS the copy of this research we can download and check their methods for ourselves and how come no other well know and respected institutes have come out with this data or comments on it yet? Who were the scientists doing the study and who funded this project?

    • Anonymous says:

      You do realize this is a satire article, right?

    • Jeremy says:

      Within the first few sentences how it says “Privately-owned think tank.” Just who, exactly, owns this think tank? I betcha it’s the fucking oil & gas companies….

    • PHD in Critical Thinking says:

      thank you…

    • Pete says:

      Speaking of pulling one’s head out of one’s ass, look up the definition of “satire.”

    • Chris says:

      Agreed 110%

    • logra says:

      I couldn’t have said it better myself. What a bunch of IGNORAMUSES!!

    • logra says:

      Sounds to me like they are afraid of the money on the line when we no longer need to ravage and rape our land for the fossil fuels that are feeding their greedy appetites.

  45. RightWingerzLIE says:

    that is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever read

  46. digitalpbk says:

    The diameter of the Sun is 1,392,000 km, while the equatorial diameter of the Earth is 12,756 km. Compared to the Earth the Sun is HUGE. So with the waterfall analogy, we might be just putting barely a needle hole to affect the sun.

    Also the fact that earth is about 150 million kilometers away from the Sun, the amount of sun’s energy falling on earth is low.

    Nice try oil companies.

    • John Hand says:

      Their use of the ‘waterfall analogy’ was just an attempt to explain how solar panels can suck in the suns energy. Ever hear of trying to explain science to the masses? Apparently it went over some heads here.

      Let’s put in in a way you might better understand. You are making love to this woman. You finish, and she says do it again, and again, and again. How long before you are drained of your…energy? Do you feel it now? Is that better than the waterfall to illustrate how it might work?

  47. WIT-E says:

    It astounds me how many people don’t understand satire.

    • Cheryl Swofford says:

      In a world where we see and hear so many lies from Fox so-called News, Tea Partiers, and even a 60 Minutes story on Benghazi, etc, it’s sometimes hard to distinguish satire from propaganda. Most of us could tell Bush II was lying when he went into his scariest tone of voice to tell us Iraq had gotten nuclear material from Africa–scarey Africa. And scarey Bushes. I hate lies–guess that’s why I disliked the Bush administration so much–and dislike satire.

  48. bill smith says:

    these scientists need there cards pulled.

    • yallstupid says:

      You need to go to 3rd grade and learn the difference between there, their, and they’re.

  49. Dr. Jonas Lansbury says:

    I was one of the lead researchers that was involved in this alarming discovery. I can assure you that our entire research team at Wyoming Institute of Technology worked tirelessly on this matter and we understand the implications that this discovery may have on renewable energy and associated policies. As scientists, our commitment is to the truth and not to take political sides.

    Please join us and share this important discovery with your friends and colleagues. We all depend on the Sun for energy. Let’s not inadvertently turn our local star into a death star. Currently our team is working on a 3rd Generation, Plutonium-powered flux capacitor power source that requires 1.21 Gigawatts to operate but should be able to provide humanity with unprecedented opportunities.

    Salubriously,
    Dr. Jonas Lansbury



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