(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)
<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.
Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”
“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday. “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water. But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner. Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”
WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however. “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun. But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time. If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”
The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally. Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years. But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.
“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning. “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less. Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station. What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”
This article is insanely wrong.
I love all of the super smart people desperately trying to refute this article when it is obviously a joke. The only thing that bothers me is that half of the morons that read this will think it is for real and tell everyone in the trailer park that solar is bad and to vote republican…
No, what is worse in this instance is that the people refuting it are clearly so dense they cannot decipher information for themselves, but more likely only repeat what they are told regardless of accuracy. This goes for both left and right side automatons. It’s shameful.
You all do realize that this is a completely satirical news site, right? The stupidity of people never ceases to amaze me.
April 1st was nearly two months ago!
I find it impossible to believe that there could possibly be even one person in the world that could believe this article.
If it’s a genuine spoof, then it’s really funny, but if it is a really serious and disingenuous attempt to discourage the transition to solar energy that is rapidly in progress, then it will backfire bigtime – as much as the Heartland sump tank trying to compare people that accept the global warming with the Unabomber.
Fossil fuels are on the way out and Halliburton knows it.
I like how the campus of the Wyoming Institute of Technology is a food court.
Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh will be all over this spurring on their minions to another 30 million march
Everyone! If you’re worried about the solar panels draining the sun’s energy, you should avoid going outside at all costs during the day! Whenever you’re out during daytime, you, yes, YOU, are also draining the sun’s energy as well. With 7 billion people out and about everyday on the Earth, it’s predicted that the Sun will only last 5 billion years!! Save the Sun!!
I was afraid someone was going to believe this, then I read the comments. Faith in humanity: restored. Thanks guys.
Omfg what a pile of crap, if anyone believes this bullshit they are stupid. The sun has another 5 billion years left yet 🙂
Hahahahaha one pin head size of the sun’s core would kill anyone in a 90 mile radius of it. We are doing literally nothing to the sun.
Erm, correct me if I’m wrong, but a pin head usually does not have the size of the sun’s core, I believe you would be refering to a pin head at the same temperature as the sun, in which case you would be looking at a thousand miles rather than 90 miles.
Or never mind, reading is too difficult sometimes -,-
Well its better we use the sun and have it go out in about 300-400 years than using the oil and have the earth implode in 100 years. Since oil is what holds the ground up, we should leave that alone. Using up all the sun will buy us a little more time.
The Sun has 5 billion years left, not 300-400. Also, your theory that “the oil keeps the ground up” is complete stupidity. Also, the news article you just read was completely false in all of its “facts”.
Dear Satan
I know why you’re disagreeing with Andrew- you’re just saying that so when all the oil’s gone & everbody gets sucked down to Hell, you can laugh at us & say “fooled ya again!”
The name Halliburton on anything should raise the biggest Red Flags. The sun was always o.k. before we cut down so many trees and as we all know trees and all plants use the same process as do photo cells. Why is the sun still here?
What a bout the oil.. is the extraction of oil draining the earth´s energy.. !! I could not expect more of Halliburton. this article is full of you know what.
this is not news to many of us who have been studying dark sucker technology for years now.
actually the research is mistaken because the solar panels are not drawing energy away from the sun, but reflecting the darkness back into it at a higher capacity that the sun is capable of.
the result will be that the sun becomes too full of darkness and stops sucking. then we’ll really have some problems.
What on Earth are you talking about? How do you study dark sucker technology? I’ve read about what the dark sucker theory is, and it’s just speculations, lies and plain wrong statements backed by no evidence. I mean, are the people who came up with the dark sucker theory just joking? Have they no idea what electro magnetic rays are? Please tell me this is just one big joke!
I have read an article in “Nature” that the same effect on the sun (energy drainage) is caused by plants (photosynthesis) and nudism (suntanning)
:-)))
I can’t believe this! Let’s see the ‘conclusive evidence’ found by your ‘neutral’ ‘scientists’. This doesn’t make sense on ANY level. Even is you think solar panels drain the suns energy (they don’t) we could rip enough energy from the sun to power EVERYTHING ON EARTH and the sun would NOT NOTICE. The sun is many many times the size of earth, powered by non-stop nuclear reactions in it’s core.
My thoughts are; How do these “experts” measure the drain on the Sun’s energy? I’m pretty sure there will never be a tool to pull that off and accurately blame it on the miniscule effect of any impact that Earth could have on the Sun! How do we know what the aliens are up to? Truly amazing claims, though nearly impossible to scientifically make such an evaluation. Unbelievable, at best!!!
ok this is bull studies show that it is not and i repeat not harmful to the sun at all the sun is dieing this has be made u by oil comp’s in order to keep prices high us useing solar panles has nothing to do with the sun dieing and never will thier are mroe than enuff studie out thier to prove it dont beleave me look it us for your self
hahahahahaha….it’s so funny how the stupider something is, the funnier it is….right??? ps – it’s perfect this article is flanked by pics of Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin – the mom and pop of retardation!!!
The best part is if a source passed this to Sarah Palin,she would include it in some kind of speech. Imagine the red faces on this one if that were to happen!
wonder if this has the big oil company’s scared? I think they see a better way taking over soon.
http://www.solarroadways.com/intro.shtml
well it is an article so it must be true!!! everyone fast we have to remove them! while we are at it remove all the well it is an article soor they will stop the wind!!!!! god damn who the fuck comes up ith shit like this a 5 year old?
forced photovoltaic drainage ???? Did a 5 yr old come up with this? Its interesting what the anti-soar movement is trying to pull over the eyes of us who want to utilize the energy around us. Does anyone really think that any type of solar collection could have any affect on the sun within say 100 generations? I for one think this is merely a ploy of the anti-solar establishment to keep us bound to coal and oil resources.
I absolutely agree. This is a quite primitive and scientifically unsupported claim. It seems to have the anti-solar agenda.
Notice, this Wyoming Institute of Technology is a privately-owned. That question is — who is behind it? And what is their true interest?
Halliburton… their interest? Oil
Totally agree! What’s worse, they must think we’re really stupid to think that just because it’s a ‘published study’ published by a ‘reputable organization’ (so much for their reputation after publishing this….) that we are just going to swallow it, eat it up… The only reason they are publishing something like this is probably because Hliburton has interests in energies (fueled by fossils) which would obviously be hurt if we start to massively use solar energy…Plus, they can’t control / own Solar Energy as opposed to fossils…
You guys, this is satire. Halliburton and republicans had nothing to do with this. The “experts” aren’t experts…but they weren’t supposed to be. There was no study.
Satire, guys.
Like the Onion, but with a more official sounding name.
So chill, this isn’t a government conspiracy, or a big oil conspiracy, or a bunch of really stupid people writing for an actual news agency.
It’s satire.
Yeah but it’s not good satire and is the sort of crap that republicans like the two mouth-breathers pictured at the top of the page will quote and convince their moronic tea-bagging followers is actually true. The last paragraph in particular is dangerous.
Perhaps I’m mistaken, but isn’t that what would make this perfect satire?
i think this might be true .. and if this is so then we should all cooperate and pledge never to use solar panel ever again … i think its exaggerated stuff … all this global warming crap … all fake new s so that we go from a cheaper and affordable fuel like petrol to costly and dangerous alternative like solar panels or windmills …
That’s why we have outside lights on our houses… to give some energy back so the sun can rise every morning. This came from a practice before we had electricity (about 2.5 million years ago) where we would leave a candle burning in the main window. The more light we put out at night, the more recharged the sun will be next morning when it rises, leading to a better day… but because we have so many lights on at night we have Global Warming because the sun gets too much charge, which is why they are telling us to not have so many lights on at night (during the day is fine).
Thank God there is at least SOMEONE here that gets it… thank God for you Chinto Chutia.
/giggle
I think it should be fairly obvious that this is a spoof as when it cites the WIT is just links to the homepage of the website, not to any actual source.
what idiots came up with this crap?!
now this is propoganda at its best. never heard so much bullshit. HOAX BLACK MAIL!!!
I will be unloading all stock in Halliburton Today!
WTF!
wow, really. You could fit 1.3 millions earths into the sun. Solar panels wouldn’t even be a mosquito bite
to the sun.
From the people that brought you “Fracking is safe”. Maybe Haliburton is trying to protect their oil investments.
my date is a french model
Wisconsin Institute of Technology has also proved that reading books will suck the common sense right out of any conservative that dares to read them…though the funny papers have been shown to be safe…
If anyone believes this BULLSHIT, you need to go outside right now and tell a tree you’re sorry. For what? For producing perfectly good oxygen that you are wasting!
This is not only completely wrong, its completely hilarious!
Matt Rock,
After studying journalism, political science, foreign affairs, and culinary arts… you should have studied humans. Because folks aren’t dumb enough to buy this.
You’re a shame for journalism.
unfortunately, they are. even satiracle articles can pose a threat if made to be believed to be true.
What ? Its funny ! Experts like expert monkeys ? This is like saying solar panels have some sort of photon extractors that can suck the photons out of the Sun if Sun’t doesn’t wish to give it happily what a bunch of super-idiots !!!
It’s Bush’s fault and only Chuck Norris can save us!
Actually the article is correct, however incomplete. All the light emitted from the sun is the result of energy draining from the sun. The light from the sun is ultimately generated from hydrogen fusion which is being depleted, on an extremely long time frame. Solar panels however do not deplete the energy from the sun any more or any less than any other object photons from the sun interact with.
What idiot wrote this, what is their scientific background, and why is their name excluded?
Does the school have a name? What makes them experts? I would like to see the CONCLUSIVE evidence!!!! I guess Halliburton must be pumping a few million into new science lab or something!
Lets say You have a light bulb, and a car battery, and You detach one of the wires between the two and hold it close enough to the battery post so that it arches and the bulb still works, then You will draw a large amount of current (way more than with a direct connection) and the battery will drain faster. Its called induction.
If You move the wire further away (only a few millimeters) from the battery post, it will reach the point where the inductive force breaks down, equaling 0, and there is no measurable drain on the battery. Since the potential for the bulb to drain energy decreases logarithmically as the distance between it and the battery increases, the current draw will seam to drop to 0 in a flash.
The “forced photovoltaic drainage” they speak of, is in essence the same principal, but our proximity to the sun is way to great to induce it enough to force a single photon from it, Even if we cover the whole Earth, Mercury and Jupiter with the best solar cells we have. We can only rely on its natural radiation to harvest its energy.
I am working on harvesting cosmic radiation, but now I am afraid that I will be accused of being responsible for causing our galaxy to collapse!
So far the only idiots believing it is real have been idiotic liberals. I say this wiht a completely straight face as an independent. The idea that you guys are attacking an obvious joke shows how you have reached next level stupid. But I have to say you guys are the funniest part of the joke and don’t even get that part of it.
Ahem, let me clear my throat Achem, that’s better, National report and the onion are two different things, what exactly do You think makes it an obvious joke, the stupidity behind it?
Maybe You are stupider than all of us, because You can not see that there are people who are smart enough to sway millions of uneducated masses, with false science because they know that they will eat it up, furthering their cause, and lining their pockets in the process.
I have no ties to either side of politics as all of it disgusts me, both sides. The mere fact that government entities with no scientific training what so ever have any say in science is insane in the true sense of the word. Anyone even approaching science with any agenda other than finding the real truth, can not be considered a scientist!!!!!
Hey there… my 16 year old boy realized it was satire right away. As well as most of the others in his school. I’m quite sure most 5th graders figured it out too. Maybe you should try that show Bob. 🙂
That isn’t induction. You are talking about a static discharge. FYI.
WOW!!! Stupidity at its finest! seriously though, what kind of crap did the author sniffed before writing this garbage?
Everyone, this article speaks the truth. Trust me, I am an investment banker. I have invested in Halliburton and have made a fortune on top of the millions I already have. Halliburton is a $500 Billion dollar company and have spent millions on this research… and that much buys the truth! Solar panels are the work of the devil, may God save the ones who own them.
‘Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank…’ – more like privately owned disinformation agency… just publishing ‘articles’ used to manipulate public opinion towards the interests of large corporations. I wonder who the owners of this ‘think-tank’ are…Haliburton?!?
Ok so I was pissed to read this bogus propaganda ready to write of this site forever but thinking is this satire? It obviously must be because they wouldn’t have just said the school name but the reasearchers involved and the evidence as how they got these findings. None of that is mentioned. Or Halliburton must believe they can get more idiots on their side who knows. So I would like the author to come out with it to tell readers if this is satirical or does he , wit, Halliburton really believe this garbage. So we know wether some republicans will try to use this bull to stop solar panel or further investment in oil. We need to know as readers the true meaning of this joke or not?
Absolutely astounded at the gullibility of people in general, who go passing this stuff around on facebook blithely assuming it’s all true without ever taking 30 seconds to either THINK or check Snopes or Google. And then waste time turning it into a political debate.
WHY do so many people fall for these urban legend/hoax/spoof articles????
Geez people, use your brains.
Hilarious! Can’t believe people take this shit seriously.
The older I get,
the more I recall,
how little I knew,
when I knew it all! >:~)
If Halliburton says something is true, you had better believe it. Because, if you don’t, you’ll make Dick angry. If you make Dick angry, he’ll come to your house and shoot you in the face. So please, don’t make Dick angry. Dismantle and destroy any and all alternative energy sources you have at home and send your Pay/Pension money to Halliburton. They will use it to pay off the Sun God and we won’t freeze to death. And Dick won’t come and shoot you in the face. Thanx.
My IQ just dropped like 3 points after reading the entire thing.
Stop draining the sun. Say yes to oil and coal for a better world. Experts are always right.
I have heard and read a lot of nonsense in my lifetime, this one takes the price. How stupid can someone be too believe this carp.
I’m sure the study was funded by the cock brothers.