By Nigel J. Covington III
Editor in Chief
<National Report> Yesterday an upset onlooker succeeded in spitting in Zac Hanson’s, face. The drummer – singer with the boy-band Hanson offered an explanation in an exclusive interview with the National Report. Zac said the man (who he refused to identify on advice of his attorney) had been kicked off the Hanson tour bus in Seattle yesterday after being discovered in the busses bathroom masturbating to “revealing” photographs of Zac.
According to Zac other members of the Christian Contemporary band Hanson became outraged by the behavior and threw the foul meat-beater off the tour bus. Zac who is presently in an arranged marriage with a pregnant wife for the third time and soon to be pending mutual divorce said he picked up the young hot looking stud hitchhiking on Sunday and they’d experienced “magic beyond all magic” last night.
He added the man proved to be “A real pain in the ass earlier today and was coming down off something.” When they arrived in Seattle they kicked the gent off the bus. That’s when the still unidentified man was caught on video arguing with Zac at the busses door then he hocks a fat looch on Zac’s hot 27 year-old boyish face, said looch taking effect on Zac’s left cheek.
Zac is then seen on video sticking his head out the door drumsticks in hand and a disgusting looch dripping off his face watching the allegedly hung stud walk off into the grey Seattle landscape. Zac clearly was smiling and thanked the man as he walked off.
I asked Zac about the original story that stated the man was a random pedestrian who minutes before was seen harassing fans as they waited in line for the big Battle of the Boy Bands concert. Zac said, “Yeah… that was complete crap put out by our manager when he was really, really high. No one was happy with him for that”.
I asked Zac about the tweet he posted to the band’s Twitter account shortly after the vile incident to cool angered fans who vowed serious vigilante justice on the unidentified violator which read… “I know u have my back. We can crush some fools another day,”
“Zac were you encouraging vigilante violence? Was that your way of telling fans to murder the young man who violated you after the concert?” Zac replied, “Yes… I mean I can’t say if this guy is going to get offed. But if somebody was going to off him I’d hope they wouldn’t miss the concert to do it. He can wait, his only redeeming quality was having Cockzilla dangling between his legs, other than that he’s just another loser.”
My final question to Zac was why is he smiling just moments after he had this enormous loogy spit into his mouth and half dangling from his face? “I’m into to that sort of thing and he knew that from the night before. I think it was his way of hurting me while I watched him walk out of my life.”
At 27 Zac is the youngest member of the trio band Hanson. He has held up under the spotlight for over a decade now and still looks doable. His tight flesh looks more like a teenagers skin than a popular superstars. A couple of other guys Isaac, and Taylor, make up the band.