(Yulin, China) – The National Report has sent me on location to the Annual Yulin Dog Meat Festival in China’s Guangxi province, and let me just say it’s an honor to take part in such a rich cultural event. I arrived to take in the sights and sounds and to discover for myself what the hubbub was all about surrounding this ceremony. As I made my way through the bustling crowd and racks of cages crammed with frightened dogs, I could smell the intoxicating aromas of the food being prepared. I observed locals and tourists alike digging into some of these hearty dishes and decided to get their take on what drew them to the this barbaric yet mouth-watering jubilee.
“I know I should feel guilty about this because of my western upbringing, but it’s just so delicious” claimed Susan Dunwich a tourist hailing from Sac City, Iowa. ‘I was apprehensive at first, but after trying all these delectable treats, I’m converted! I’m even planning to start a small dog farm in my town next year so I can introduce the locals to what they have been missing out on!”
James and Kimberly Zulich, two animal welfare activists from Portland, Oregon had originally showed up to protest the event, but after sampling some of this years scrumptious culinary tidbits they had this to report. “At first we came here with the intention of shutting down the event for the sake of the animals. But with all these savory dishes staring us in the face, we caved in to our compulsions. I guess the old adage “don’t knock it till’ you try it” applies here. I mean, it’s a total bummer that all these dogs are kept in filthy conditions and basically tortured to death and stuff, but the end result is some really fabulous cuisine. It’s tough to stick to your guns after ingesting such amazing fare. ”
We stumbled across a couple of locals who were preparing dog meat in an alley for the festival and decided to talk to them about what made mongrel flesh so appealing that it deserved its own yearly event. “Dog make man much virility!” exclaimed Fengzi Shagua. He claimed he and his brother Juru had always eagerly partaken in the festival since they were infants. They certainly seemed to be quite gleeful as they took turns humanely bludgeoning the cowering, frightened mutts with bats before searing the fur off their corpses with a large industrial blowtorch. Soon they would be diced up into bite sized tidbits and served to the eager crowd.
After sampling the Korgi-kebab I had to ask myself, is there really any reason dogs can’t be considered man’s best friend as well as a delightful source of nourishment? Here in the states where thousands of dogs are needlessly euthanized each year, it’s akin to throwing perfectly good food in the garbage! I say that with the damage industrial farming does to the environment here America, that there is really no reason why dog farming should not be implemented. Animal shelters could generate a lot of revenue if they were to double as restaurants. Poverty and hunger could be alleviated if we were to utilize this resource, and animal overpopulation would cease entirely. I say there is no reason at all not to embrace this tradition in the Land of Liberty. The consumption of canines would solve a myriad of issues facing the American people today, and would do so deliciously.