<National Report>The Right To Life movement scored another huge victory today, as both Republican led chambers in the state capital easily passed the controversial bill, jointly introduced by future gubernatorial candidate Ken Cloacnacelli and the current Governor Bob MacDonald (No relation to Ronald), who gleefully signed the bill into law at a hastily held press conference full of Washington types.
A jubilant Mr. MacDonald said, through his broad, iconic smile, that “The people of the great Commonwealth of Virginia are the real winners today, of the hard fought battle to restore choice to women, proving that the new Republican party understands what women have been going on about, regarding their bodies, and about what comes out of them.” He added, “We have heard all about it, day after day, that women want control over their, um, where a man can help to,uh, respect all that, and today our forward thinking members in Virginia’s Senate and Assembly houses have proved it, by sending me this bill allowing women the right to choose, if they choose to end the life of any female fetuses God blesses them with for laying fruitfully with a man. It gives me enormous pleasure to sign and pass into law this piece of legislation honoring the status of Virginia’s women as decision makers and not just pretty faces, and their abilities to have opinions all on their own, in regards to the women they can, but no longer have to, unless they want to, produce. And I’m specifically not using the word “nag’ here, because I, like most Republicans, are thrilled to see this right granted at last, even to those who may never have had a thought about it or can’t even understand what it means, because that’s ok, too. ”
Todd Dickerson, a spokesman for Family First, the organization that first proposed the groundbreaking bill, was pleased with today’s outcome but sanguine about any flow of legislation they might hope to see by the end of this month’s session, which he says has been a touchy one, full of unresolved disputes, and even greater than usual crankiness between the two parties. The Democrats have been frustrated by their inability to staunch the progress of the bill as it quickly moved towards the Governor’s ready, and waiting, pen. “Is this a new phase of bi-partisanship, long thought impossible in the notoriously sharply divided state?”, David Toscano, leader of the Democratic Caucus in Virginia was asked, and who responded, “No.”
When pressed, he eventually admitted that Democrats are not happy with and do not support the law, which they consider disingenuous and transparently calculated for political gain. “They are simply attempting to limit the numbers of a demographic that polls show they do very poorly with, the non-male vote. They were, admittedly, able to garner a few democratic votes, which they needed in the senate, because some of our members felt protecting a woman’s right to choose, half the time, seemed like progress and was better than not letting her choose anything, ever.” he droned on and on from his fancy office.
Allegations of voter suppression are nothing new in states where Republicans are in control, but it will be hard to provide any evidence of this with the voters that won’t exist 18 years from now that Democrats are counting on to stay relevant. According to Mr. Dickerson, “Women are already ashamed enough about their reproductive capabilities, the last thing they need on their minds is the shame of raising a likely Democratic voter capable of breeding more likely Democrats. These are not the christian values true Virginians share, these are Democratic nightmares of unethical moral failure, masquerading as equal rights, and that’s a swamp we are too smart to buy into here in Virginia. As long as it’s a girl,ok? I mean, that goes without saying, right?.”
Yes, Virginia, that goes without saying!