10212014Headline:

United States, Canada in Secret Annexation Talks

800px-Canadian_FlagSince December of 2013, the United States and Canada have been engaged in top secret annexation talks, with Canada considering joining their southerly neighbors, according to a self-described “diplomatic whistleblower” inside Canada’s Embassy in Washington DC. But he says the talks have stalled, at least temporarily.

Thomas Fox, 48, of Ottawa, Canada, an employee of the Embassy since 2005, says President Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper began communicating possible annexation through “back channels” starting in early December 2013, the goal being to join the United States, with provinces changing hands and becoming States. Obama and Harper allegedly spoke about annexation in person on February 19th, 2014 at the North American Leaders’ Summit in Toluca, Mexico, and have repeatedly discussed  the subject in dozens of phone calls as well.

Fox says he decided to come forward after the annexation talks stalled earlier this week, with the United States refusing to acknowledge Canada’s demands that both English and French be recognized as official national languages. President Obama has strictly held firm that no such law would be proposed in the US Congress as a part of the annexation, despite strong protests from American Republican leadership, who disagree with Obama and are willing to work on legislation that would create an official second language for the United States.

Fox says that if the annexation were to happen, the Canadian provinces would gain independence from British rule, a longstanding desire of many of Canada’s most powerful, wealthy families. They would also enjoy America’s currency system, tariff-free and open trade across a defunct international border, new foreign trade opportunities, enhanced infrastructure with broadband internet and cable television services reaching into the Canadian frontier, and a more progressive American political system and cultural outlook.

Meanwhile, the United States would gain approximately 35 million new progressive-leaning voters, which President Obama and liberals would like, and access to Canada’s wealth of oil, the third largest supply in the world, which conservatives would like. The US would also save millions of dollars per year by no longer needing to patrol its northern border or process citizenship requests from Canadians, Though Republicans have already insisted some or all of those resources be applied to America’s border with Mexico, if annexation does indeed happen.

Fox believes that while the talks have stalled, Canada will most likely be annexed by the United States before Barack Obama leaves office. “He’s making this a priority moving forward, or at least that’s what it looks like to us Canadians,” Fox says. “It’s an `everybody wins’ type of scenario. Canada is better off, the United States is better off. Even Great Britain can chalk this up as a win if you think about it, eh? So yeah, I think America is about to get a whole bunch of new States soon. You wait and see.”

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13 Responses to "United States, Canada in Secret Annexation Talks"

  1. Billy Bob Haucker says:

    Well, at least their white and talk English, which is more than I can say about Poncho.

  2. Hoser says:

    Well, it’s aboot time!

  3. Doc Memory says:

    I thought they were going to annex the US till I started reading.

  4. Stephenson says:

    If Obummer is dumb enough to open our checkbooks to the socialists of Canuckistan, then he’s even more evil than we thought. We’ll go bankrupt in a decade funding their crap country. These people have always had a complex against Americans for being stronger and better is everything from schools to health care to our military. They have oil. Other than that the country is pretty worthless.

    • Dave says:

      Hey STEPHENSON maybe you should get your head out of our ass before you talk shit and get your facts straight. If you want to be a Canadian basher no problem but if your going to state facts make sure they are correct and you didn’t just pull them out of your hill billy ass, for one The united states is one of the worlds leading countries in terms of debt, Canada has a way more stable financial infrastructure then the united states almost every year the United states in on the brink of a financial meltdown. two the The states ranked last time i saw 26th in the world in education while Canada ranked 9th in the world in education, not even close. the only fact you got correct is that the United states military is 10 times stronger then Canada cause the States go to war every year with a new country so they need to invest billions of dollars into the military to fund every fight they start in the world. Its arrogant rednecks like you that prove Canada is a better country cause you got your head so far up your ass you think being powerful with a strong military makes you the best in the world. granted you will win most fights going to war, but in terms of quality of life i would take Canada of the united states any day,

    • taichiubg says:

      Hey Stephenson, America is already bankrupt, perhaps check out your national deficit and debt levels.

    • proud2behuman says:

      :) you seem quite ignorant. i don’t necessarily agree with this myself, but ignorant nationalist people like yourself should be atleast told what they are, so that they have a chance to change.

    • Tom says:

      Canadas education and health care is world class compared to the United States. Hate to break it to you but the move would actually hurt Canada, not only being her economy is in a lot better shape than Americas. It would also bring Canadas international I.Q. down. All America really has is an insanely strong military, and maybe a lower cost of living. But internally thats all America has – as long as the country doesnt collapse….if anything a merger with Canada might save your economy thats in shambles, but only for a little while.

    • Extreme Karma says:

      I am happy you feel that way – while I like Americans as our neighbors, I would never, ever want to join our two countries. I like my Canada just the way it is, and the fact that you believe what you say about Canada means you have no idea about my great country, which is strategically a huge mistake. The less you know about Canada, the better….I was born a Canadian and I will die a Canadian – good luck with your wars and massive debt :)

  5. It will actually be the other way around. Canada will annex the USA. Makes more sense. american Canadians will be more appreciated world wide. They will have to learn some French, say “Eh” more often and where toques, play more hockey and Canadian style football. The hard part will be teaching them how to say “I am sorry” or “excuse me” when someone bumps into them. Oh, end they cannot be saying “We are the greatest country in the world”. As Canadians we know we are, we are just far too polite to brag.

  6. Julie says:

    Billy Bob Haucker – that would be they’re white, not their, because we not only speak English we can spell I too

  7. jesse says:

    They really think we canadians don’t have broadband internet and cable. Canada would never join the us. your country has more murders in one state in a week then we have in our country a year.

  8. Ansu Roper says:

    The author makes the common mistake of assuming English is the official language of the US. In fact, unlike most countries, the US has no official language.

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