12152018Headline:

Trump White House Prepares Pardons for Two Jive-Ass Turkeys

<Washington, DC>In keeping with longstanding tradition, the White House is said to be preparing pardons for two jive-ass turkeys, according to high ranking officials with no knowledge of the decision.  The turkeys, “Eric” [...]

Study Shows Majority Of Americans Believe Trump’s Twitter Intrinsically Linked To His Presidency

Donald Trump is infamous for his aggressive tweeting habits, which is why internet users were left utterly befuddled Thursday when @realdonaldtrump linked to a broken page on Twitter’s website. It has been reported that a disgruntled Twitter [...]

Trump Reports World Record 39 Under Par, 12 Holes-in-One, During Golf Outing with Japanese Prime Minister

President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe hit the links at the world famous Trump National Jupiter Golf Club & Spa on Saturday with hopes of forging a diplomatic bond but ended up with much more. While no press was [...]

Trump to Limit All Intelligence Briefings to 140-Characters

TRUMP TOWER – Soon after securing the Republican presidential nomination, business mogul/reality TV star Donald J. Trump swore off any and all assistance from the U.S. intelligence community, stating he did not trust the briefings he was [...]

Donald Trump Hires ‘Clueless’ Stacey Dash for ‘Negro Outreach Program’

TRUMP TOWER — With his poll numbers among black voters hovering around 1%, presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump reportedly tapped actress and FOX News contributor Stacey Dash as his “Negro Outreach Program” Ambassador. “She connects [...]

Canada Offers to Build Wall Around Bristol Palin’s Vaginal Cavity

TORONTO – A northern firestorm erupted earlier today when an off-the-record comment made by Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was leaked to the outside press. During an interview with the CBC Thursday morning, Trudeau made what some [...]