(AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)

Donald Trump: “I Was Caucus Blocked By Ted Cruz”

DES MOINES, Iowa – Addressing a private group of supporters in Iowa, Donald Trump vowed that he would not give up his #1 frontrunner status easily, after being “Caucus blocked” by Texas Sen. Ted Cruz. Cruz eked out a narrow GOP victory [...]
(AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Ben Carson Refuses To Admit Syrian Refugees Into His Home

Republican presidential frontrunner Ben Carson announced that he will refuse to accept refugees from war-torn Syria into the home he shares with his wife, Candy. In a press release announcing his decision, Carson urged President Obama to follow [...]
(AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Ben Carson Says Guns Would Have Prevented JFK Assassination

BALTIMORE, Md. – Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson told a crowd of supporters that the 1963 Kennedy assassination would not have happened if members of the Dallas motorcade – Jacqueline Kennedy in particular – had been armed. “I [...]
(Photo by Omar Vega/Invision/AP)

Texas Moves To Outlaw Man Buns

AUSTIN, Tex. – The Texas House sent a clear message in opposition to the “disturbing man bun hairstyle” with a 143-0 bipartisan vote outlawing the trend. First offenders will receive a stiff fine, and repeat offenders will face possible [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Boehner Resigns Halfway Through Term, Cites Palin Doctrine

WASHINGTON – In a day full of news dominated by Pope Francis’ US visit, came the political bombshell no one expected: House Speaker John Boehner’s sudden resignation, effective October 31. Citing The Palin Doctrine – the Alaska [...]
(AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Obama Declares Victory Over Texas in Jade Helm 15, Names Himself Commander in Chief of State’s Military

AUSTIN, Tex. – Jade Helm 15, the largest military training operation in U.S. history, is “an overwhelming success,” says Barack Obama, who quietly assumed control of the Lone Star State’s armed services division, naming himself [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Obama Invites Perry, Santorum and Jindal to Watch Debates at White House

THE WHITE HOUSE – President Obama, apparently feeling “big-hearted” over tonight’s Republican Primary debate, has extended a personal invitation to the “runners-up” to watch the broadcast with members of his family, including first [...]
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)

Texas Governor Requests Emergency Federal Funding to ‘Observe’ Jade Helm 15

<Austin, TX>In a top secret memo to the White House, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has requested emergency federal assistance be given to Texas’ effort to ‘observe’ and report on U.S. Military movements throughout the [...]
(AP Photo/Danny Johnston, File)

Alabama DOT Bans Homosexuals from Highway Rest Stops

Montgomery, AL — Alabama Governor Robert J. Bentley has ordered the state’s National Guard leadership to stop the gay sex epidemic that has plagued Alabama’s highway rest stops in recent years. Citing Alabama’s ‘Religious Freedom’ [...]
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)

BREAKING: Operation Jade Helm Claims First Civilian Casualty

Porter, TX, – According to multiple sources, Operation Jade Helm 15 has claimed its first civilian casualty Saturday night just east of Porter, Texas. Around 7:15 p.m. Saturday, Pct. 4 Deputy Constable Buford Gleason and two Montgomery [...]
Ammosexuals in Florida and Texas Protesting Legislative Action that may result in blacks having the right to open-carry.  (AP Photo/Eric Gay, File)

Florida and Texas Considering Legislation to Extend Open Carry to African Americans

In what is being hailed by some as civil rights legislation, lone Democratic lawmakers in Florida and Texas are considering extending ‘Open Carry’ laws to blacks. Democratic legislators in both Florida and Texas are said to be considering [...]
(AP Photo/Eric Gay)

Obama: Jade Helm 15 to be Scaled Back After Discovering that Some Texans Are Armed

President Obama, in a memo to his top advisers and the leaders of all branches of the military, has given orders to slowly roll back the planned invasion of Texas and parts of the Southwest after intelligence gatherers preceding the invasion [...]
(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Gov. Rick Perry: ‘Gay’ is the Saddest Word In The English Language

FORT WORTH, Tex. – In June 2014, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry was asked to explain comments he made at a San Francisco event comparing homosexuality to alcoholism. When asked whether he considered homosexuality a disorder, he answered: “Whether [...]
(AP Photo/Tony Gutierrez)

Marshall Law Declared In Texas

BASTROP COUNTY, Tex. – Fears of a government takeover authorized by Barack Obama spread among the 78,000 residents of Bastrop County, Texas, after the US military revealed that a series of Jade Helm 15 Special Operations exercises would [...]
(AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

Trump Defiant: ‘Bill Cosby’s Doing The Raping, Not Mexicans!’

NEW JERSEY – At a closed-door campaign fundraiser, Donald Trump reportedly turned the late-breaking news about Bill Cosby obtaining Quaaludes – with the intention of giving them to women he wanted to have sex with – into a punch line. “Hey! [...]
(Photo By Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call)

WI Gov. Scott Walker Challenges Supreme Court Justices to Fist Fight

Madison, WI – In a historic victory for the gay rights movement, the United States Supreme Court ruled by a 5-4 vote on Friday that the constitution guarantees the right to same-sex marriage. This SCOTUS decision comes on the heels of another [...]