02252017Headline:

‘Wounded Social Justice Warrior Project’ Rebuilds Hope; Sense of Purpose

Prudence Bradley, 19, found it difficult to put into words what she experienced during her days as a social justice warrior. She didn’t have to. The way the slightly overweight feminist apologetically paused, fought back tears, and forced [...]

Obama to Send Large Shipment of ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ to Texas Flood Victims

Houston, TX- Massive flooding this week left at least two dead and millions homeless as the administration scrambles to deploy thoughts and prayers to local governments in coordination with FEMA and other disaster relief agencies. “We’re [...]
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SeaWorld Removes Orca Chowder from Cafeteria Menu

SAN ANTONIO, Tex. — After increased scrutiny and growing criticism from animal welfare groups, SeaWorld has removed Orca Chowder from its cafeteria menu. An undercover animal rights activist discovered the food item while investigating living [...]

Donald Trump: “I Was Caucus Blocked By Ted Cruz”

DES MOINES, Iowa – Addressing a private group of supporters in Iowa, Donald Trump vowed that he would not give up his #1 frontrunner status easily, after being “Caucus blocked” by Texas Sen. Ted Cruz. Cruz eked out a narrow GOP victory [...]

Ben Carson Refuses To Admit Syrian Refugees Into His Home

Republican presidential frontrunner Ben Carson announced that he will refuse to accept refugees from war-torn Syria into the home he shares with his wife, Candy. In a press release announcing his decision, Carson urged President Obama to follow [...]

Ben Carson Says Guns Would Have Prevented JFK Assassination

BALTIMORE, Md. – Republican presidential candidate Ben Carson told a crowd of supporters that the 1963 Kennedy assassination would not have happened if members of the Dallas motorcade – Jacqueline Kennedy in particular – had been armed. “I [...]

Texas Moves To Outlaw Man Buns

AUSTIN, Tex. – The Texas House sent a clear message in opposition to the “disturbing man bun hairstyle” with a 143-0 bipartisan vote outlawing the trend. First offenders will receive a stiff fine, and repeat offenders will face possible [...]

Boehner Resigns Halfway Through Term, Cites Palin Doctrine

WASHINGTON – In a day full of news dominated by Pope Francis’ US visit, came the political bombshell no one expected: House Speaker John Boehner’s sudden resignation, effective October 31. Citing The Palin Doctrine – the Alaska [...]

Obama Declares Victory Over Texas in Jade Helm 15, Names Himself Commander in Chief of State’s Military

AUSTIN, Tex. – Jade Helm 15, the largest military training operation in U.S. history, is “an overwhelming success,” says Barack Obama, who quietly assumed control of the Lone Star State’s armed services division, naming himself [...]

Obama Invites Perry, Santorum and Jindal to Watch Debates at White House

THE WHITE HOUSE – President Obama, apparently feeling “big-hearted” over tonight’s Republican Primary debate, has extended a personal invitation to the “runners-up” to watch the broadcast with members of his family, including first [...]

Texas Governor Requests Emergency Federal Funding to ‘Observe’ Jade Helm 15

<Austin, TX>In a top secret memo to the White House, Texas Governor Greg Abbott has requested emergency federal assistance be given to Texas’ effort to ‘observe’ and report on U.S. Military movements throughout the [...]

Alabama DOT Bans Homosexuals from Highway Rest Stops

Montgomery, AL — Alabama Governor Robert J. Bentley has ordered the state’s National Guard leadership to stop the gay sex epidemic that has plagued Alabama’s highway rest stops in recent years. Citing Alabama’s ‘Religious Freedom’ [...]

BREAKING: Operation Jade Helm Claims First Civilian Casualty

Porter, TX – According to multiple sources, Operation Jade Helm 15 has claimed its first civilian casualty Saturday night just east of Porter, Texas. Around 7:15 p.m. Saturday, Pct. 4 Deputy Constable Buford Gleason and two Montgomery [...]

Florida and Texas Considering Legislation to Extend Open Carry to African Americans

In what is being hailed by some as civil rights legislation, lone Democratic lawmakers in Florida and Texas are considering extending ‘Open Carry’ laws to blacks. Democratic legislators in both Florida and Texas are said to be considering [...]