08312014Headline:
Poor Leopold...

Heavy Metal Fans Poison Manfred Peregrine’s Dog

Fellow Christians, this last month has been like the trials of Job for your pal, Manfred Peregrine. Since transferring to this fine editorial, National Report, I have received much derision from the hell-bound members of the Left Hand Path. [...]
fullbodycast

Manfred Peregrine Hospitalized After Savage Attack By Slayer Fans

By National Report Staff <National Report>National Report celebrity gossip columnist and ex-gay spokesman, Manfred Peregrine is currently recovering in a Los Angeles hospital after being assaulted by a group of angry “heshers”. [...]
burningjeff

Jeff Hanneman Funeral Protest With Manfred Peregrine And The Westboro Baptist Church

<NR>I am honored to announce the upcoming Jeff Hanneman funeral protest and my new-found friendship with Shirley Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church. May 6th 2013 we are scheduled to picket at the funeral service of Slayer’s [...]
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Jeff Hanneman Of Slayer Burns In Hell

<NR>Recently a weak-willed servant of Satan drank himself to death after a necrotic spider bite took away his ability to strum the Devil’s chords. Jeff Hanneman was the 49-year-old alcoholic guitarist of the horrendously overrated [...]