10022014Headline:
Old hippies flock to Christian churches in the U.S. to pray for forgiveness & salvation

Elderly Americans Are Turning to God in Record Numbers Not Seen Since 1967

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief <National Report> Not since 1967 when American anarchists turned against God and country so they could have their “rights” to smoke their refer and tongue-worship at the bunghole of [...]
cassidy

“The Phish are Tearing My Family Apart”

Another Edition of “Dear Cassidy” My dear friends in Christ, today’s edition of “Dear Cassidy” deals with a tragedy that has befallen too many families…the pain of losing a child to the world of hippiedom [...]
Untitled - Copy

Umphrey McGee – Parental CD Review

By Cassidy Pen, TNReport Entertainment Review Journalist My dear friends in Christ, the latest threat to your children is now in record stores and available for downloading on their Zune devices. Umphrey McGee, a troubling new band, is quickly [...]
The latest Mario game contains dazzling special effects.

Super Mario 3d World Linked to Juvenile Delinquency

Christian families are seemingly double-pressed in modern times when attempting to raise their children with proper respect and adherence to the morals which would enhance their lives and lead them to a productive adulthood. Tomorrow’s [...]
Pot smoking hippies at Coachella

National Report’s Weekend Update: From Coachella 2014 Music Festival

By Rayne Covetti Field Journalist Saturday, April 19, 2014 <National Report> This weekend I was assigned to cover the Coachella Music Festival for the last two days of the event on April 19 & 20th. As a good Christian girl I have [...]
fukushima-demonface-featured

Satan’s Face Seen In Radioactive Clouds Emitted From Fukushima’s Reactor 3

Reactor 3 of the of the crippled Fukushima nuclear plant is suspected to be on the verge of complete meltdown; A catastrophe that could lead to 89 tons of radioactive waste being flooded into the earth’s sea and skies. This weekend security [...]
Untitled3

Jambands-Satan’s Tools to Brainwash Your Children

A Cassidy Pen Expose on the Dangers of Jam Music Part One: The Ugly Side of Your Children’s Musical Choices My journalistic colleague, Manfred Peregrin has covered with profound depth the scourge of horror rap/metal bands like the Insane [...]
images-2

Marvel Comics Controversial Dr. Strange/Scarlet Witch Rape Storyline Outrages Parents Groups

Marvel Comics has received torrents of outraged comments from longtime fans, concerned parents groups and even atheists since announcing it’s plans for a major new crossover storyline involving most of its titles and set for release [...]
nin 2013.09.28-39

Nine Inch Nails, a Downward Spiral…to Hell!!!

By Cassidy Pen, Staff Writer <St. Paul, MN> Death wishes, unprotected sex, neglectful drug use, and sinister worship of the devil, all of these topics can be found in the lyrics and stage content of Nine Inch Nails. The ruin of your children’s [...]
diablo_

Diablo 3 Wants Your Precious Youth to “Go to Hell”

By: Cassidy Pen <National Report> The realm of video game play has increased in popularity as technology has improved in the last few decades. During this time, gamers have become increasingly enthralled with outstanding graphics and an [...]
The DeQuincy Elementary School

Former Teacher On The Run After Criminal Actions & Telling 1st Graders That Santa, Easter Bunny And Tooth Fairy Do Not Exist

DeQuincy, LA — The parents of a small town in Louisiana have filed a class action lawsuit against the DeQuincy School District over criminal actions and comments made by one of their former teachers. According to the lawsuit, on the morning [...]
Poor Leopold...

Heavy Metal Fans Poison Manfred Peregrine’s Dog

Fellow Christians, this last month has been like the trials of Job for your pal, Manfred Peregrine. Since transferring to this fine editorial, National Report, I have received much derision from the hell-bound members of the Left Hand Path. [...]
burningjeff

Jeff Hanneman Funeral Protest With Manfred Peregrine And The Westboro Baptist Church

<NR>I am honored to announce the upcoming Jeff Hanneman funeral protest and my new-found friendship with Shirley Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church. May 6th 2013 we are scheduled to picket at the funeral service of Slayer’s [...]
hell (600 x 375)

Jeff Hanneman Of Slayer Burns In Hell

<NR>Recently a weak-willed servant of Satan drank himself to death after a necrotic spider bite took away his ability to strum the Devil’s chords. Jeff Hanneman was the 49-year-old alcoholic guitarist of the horrendously overrated [...]