05222019Headline:

Sarah Palin Wants Afghans Banned From America’s Armchairs, Sofas, Beds & Attics

WASILLA, Alaska — In a strongly worded Facebook post, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin urged all Americans to ban knitted and crocheted afghans from their sofas, armchairs, beds, attics, and homes, to “remove the dangerous and radical forces [...]

Sarah Palin Granted Hysterical Landmark Designation By Preservation Commission

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been designated a National Hysterical Landmark by a group calling itself The American Society for the Preservation of Landmarks. Palin, 58, is the first Hysterical Landmark designee, with future honorees to [...]

Canada Offers to Build Wall Around Bristol Palin’s Vaginal Cavity

TORONTO – A northern firestorm erupted earlier today when an off-the-record comment made by Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was leaked to the outside press. During an interview with the CBC Thursday morning, Trudeau made what some [...]

Bristol Palin Diagnosed with Chronic DTF

Wasilla, AK – According to several independent Alaskan media outlets, Bristol Palin has allegedly been diagnosed with chronic DTF. This crushing news comes just one month after giving birth to her second out-of-wedlock child, the beautiful [...]

Elizabeth Warren Stunned To Learn Jos. A. Bank Is Not A Bank

BOSTON – In laying out her plan for financial reform, Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren railed against what she called “Wall Street fatcats” and predatory lenders within the mortgage industry. In a Facebook post dated April 14, Warren [...]


*DISCLAIMER: National Report is a news and political satire web publication, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All news articles contained within National Report are fiction, and presumably fake news. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental. Advice given is NOT to be construed as professional. If you are in need of professional help, please consult a professional. National Report is not intended for children under the age of 18.