U.S. Considers Raising National Alert Level over Clown Threat

Due to the increase of ‘creepy clown threats’ across the United States over the past few weeks, the United States Government has allegedly begun meetings regarding dealing with this threat on a national level. While local authorities [...]

ISIS Claims Responsibility for Sinking Titanic

SINONE, Iraq – The Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL) has claimed responsibility for the catastrophic 1912 sinking of the RMS Titanic. Long believed to be a tragic accident, today’s announcement raises new questions about a possible [...]

Obama Takes A Knee During National Anthem

Barack Obama Kneels During National Anthem In Apparent “Show Of Solidarity” With Colin Kaepernick President Barack Obama showed support for NFL star Colin Kaepernick on Sunday, taking a knee during the National Anthem prior to delivering [...]

President Obama Says He Fears ‘Becoming A Lame Duck Gun Grabber’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) told the press over the weekend that as his administration’s tenure runs out, he’s growing increasingly concerned about “not completing one of Lord Soros’ [...]

Racist Woman Is Tired Of Being Called Racist For Supporting A Racist For President

LA CARNE SACO LLENO DE MIERDA, ARIZONA —  Radio personality June Bauer is sick and tired of being called a racist just because she doesn’t like Mexicans and supports a racist for president, and she’s not going to take it [...]

Obama to Paint Lincoln Bedroom Purple to Honor Prince

The tributes to late pop singer Prince have been many in the days following his untimely passing at the age of 57. In Minnesota, the Interstate 35 West bridge was lit purple in Prince’s honor. Similar tributes happened in New Orleans, [...]

Report: Bernie Sanders Bird Actually Obama Drone

A report of out of Washington D.C. alleges that the bird that “dropped in” on a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland, Oregon was not “an organic bird”, but a United States Government drone. The report comes from a White [...]

KY Clerk Kim Davis Denies Giving Mike Huckabee an Old Fashioned at SOTU Address

More Head, KY – Gossip making the rounds on Capitol Hill suggest Mike Huckabee’s decision to drop out of the presidential race might have more to do with just an abysmal showing in Iowa. Ultimately, the decision to suspend his campaign [...]

Wayne LaPierre Gets Choked Up About Guns Not Sold After Failed Background Checks

FAIRFAX, VA — At a press conference early Friday morning, National Rifle Association Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre broke down into uncontrollable sobbing when he started talking to reporters about “all the guns that won’t [...]

TRIM JOBS? Paul Ryan’s Beard Tests Positive for President Obama’s Fecal Matter

Washington, DC – The Freedom Caucus, the congressional caucus consisting of conservative Republican members of the United States House of Representatives, announced today they have a definitive answer as to why House Speaker Rep. Paul Ryan [...]

Boehner Criticizes Obama Gun Speech – “I Cry Better”

President Barack Obama delivered a speech on Tuesday that outlined his plans to attempt to curb gun violence in the United States. During what has been referred to in the media as an “emotional” speech, President Obama appeared [...]

Obama’s Socialist Takeover Shocker: U.S. Economy Adds 270k New Jobs In October

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republicans on the Hill are, according to several anonymous staffers, scrambling at this hour. What has set the conservative wing of the American political spectrum aflutter is that when the jobs numbers were released, [...]

Mitch McConnell: Let’s Make Obama a Three Term President!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Reports are coming from several Republican congressional aides with knowledge of the subject that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has become extremely nervous about his party’s chances in next year’s [...]

Obama Orders EPA to “Cork” Old Faithful Geyser To Reduce Global Warming

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK – “Old Faithful” geyser, the beloved National Historic Landmark and tourist attraction, will be “corked” by the Environmental Protection Agency to reduce the effects of global warming, according [...]