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(AP Photo/John Minchillo, File)

U.S. Looks to Trademark “Uncle Sam” for Added Revenue

I want you to….pay me for the right to use this phrase! That, if the United States government gets its way this month as it introduces legislation to trademark its famous slogan and caricature. This week, Solicitor General Donald B. Verrilli, [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

First Lady Michelle Obama to Propose National Hug a Muslim Day

(Washington, D.C.) – First Lady Michelle Obama will unveil a proposal Monday that she hopes will ease tensions and work to counteract an ever growing Islamophobia gripping the nation. In an effort to strengthen relations and help build [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Obama Considers Tax Credit Benefiting Those In Same Sex Marriage

Bradley Rockwell, a spokesperson from the Obama administration spoke with members of the press this morning in order to address the newest tax credit some will qualify for this year.  The tax credit is tentatively entitled ‘The Honeymoon’ [...]
(AP Photo/Damian Dovarganes)

Rudy Giuliani Hospitalized After Suffering an America Erection Lasting Longer Than 4 Hours

NEW YORK CITY – Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani – “America’s Mayor” – was rushed to a local area hospital on Friday, diagnosed with what a hospital spokesperson called “a prolonged and painful erection.” Many snarky [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

House Speaker John Boehner, 65, Found Dead Inside, Sources Claim

CAPITOL HILL – House Speaker John Boehner was found to be “dead inside” according to reports leaked to members of the press from various Congressional staffers, following his narrow reelection as Speaker last January, and amid [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Obama Will Grant Mass Pardons To Drug Offenders Before Leaving Office

THE WHITE HOUSE – Washington insiders say Barack Obama is determined to check off at least two items on his bucket list before leaving office: 1) breaking the presidential pardon record held by Franklin D. Roosevelt by releasing thousands [...]
(Photo by Andy Kropa/Invision/AP)

Obama Giving $200M To NAACP After “Walking Dead” Fans Fail To React To Major Character Death

President Obama signed an executive order on Wednesday that will see the United States government give more than $200 million to the NAACP, after White House staffers reported that fans of the popular AMC series “The Walking Dead” [...]
(AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

Ted Cruz Slams Obama For Failing To Launch Human Mission To Mars

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) had harsh words for President Barack Obama on Wednesday, after criticizing the White House for failing to take up former President George W. Bush’s 2004 plans for space exploration, while insisting that Obama’s [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

In Gesture of Goodwill to Saudi Arabia, Obama to Announce Executive Pardon of All Saudi 911 Hijackers

The White House, as is customary on such occasions, released a summary of President Obama’s speech and the eulogy to be delivered at Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah’s memorial. Not included in the speech, however, is a gesture [...]
(AP Photo/J. David Ake)

IRS Will Automatically Deduct Student Loan Payments Starting September 2015

<National Report>If you received a student loan to help finance your college education, make sure your repayment status is in good standing. The IRS has been granted the authority to automatically deduct late or defaulted payments from [...]
(AP Photo/U.S. Army)

International Criminal Court Launches Investigation into Obama’s Prisoner Exchange

<National Report>(The Hague, Netherlands)–Word from the Netherlands today suggests that the International Criminal Court (ICC) has launched an investigation charging President Barrack Hussein Obama with war crimes and crimes against [...]
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DNA Test Results: Sarah Palin 9% African

<National Report>DNA test results gathered from a lipstick print belonging to former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin reveal a 9% Sub-Saharan African origin, according to self-described “Palin biographer” Carl Brigham, of Denver. Brigham, [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Obama Is An Atheist? White House Gearing Up For Major Announcement

  After years of claiming he’s a Christian, and nearly two terms of right-wing conservatives claiming he’s a Muslim, President Barack Obama plans to make an announcement soon that will put to rest questions regarding his religious [...]
(AP Photo/Jon Elswick, File)

Obamacare Website Tracks Your File Sharing & Downloads, Says Whistleblower

<National Report>According to a government whistleblower, President Obama and the US Justice Department agreed to share user information and computer IP addresses with record industry executives in an effort to stop online piracy. [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Obama Declares ‘English Only’ Bills Unconstitutional in Arizona, Florida & Texas

WASHINGTON DC – In a sweeping new round of executive orders, President Obama is set to declare unconstitutional so-called ‘English Only’ bills headed to Congress from Arizona, Florida, and Texas, according to congressional sources. [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Textbooks Recalled In Texas After Racist Obama Comments Discovered

[DALLAS, TX] Over 117,000 tenth-grade history textbooks were recalled by the Texas State Board of Education and the Texas Association of School Boards today, after it was discovered that a chapter discussing the presidency of Barack Obama contained [...]