07012016Headline:
WTC_MASS_SHOOTINGS

Weather Channel To Start Including Local Mass Shooting Forecasts in U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in their local weather segments they broadcast. The move comes in response to the fact that, as [...]
LAPIERRE_HOPES_DREAMS

Wayne LaPierre Shoots and Kills Thoughts and Prayers That Accidentally Wandered Onto His Property

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — Law enforcement authorities in Virginia this morning announced that they’d responded to a 911 call late Wednesday night that came from the residence of NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre. What they found, [...]
Welcome to Florida USA

Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA — Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse and Florida resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary’s Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, [...]
paintball

NRA Group Challenges ISIS Members to “Paintball Battle”

A Houston, Texas area “2A Rights Group” that is loosely associated with the National Rifle Association has made headlines but issuing an open challenge to ISIS sympathizers. The group, called “Al Bearden’s Gun Club”, [...]
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NRA Member Praises “Good Guy With A Gun” In Cincinnati

“We really dodged a bullet on Saturday, pun not intended of course,” said proud NRA member Thomas Ripley of La Grange, OH on a now deleted Facebook post. “If it wasn’t for that ‘good guy with a gun’, not [...]
Phot by Gage Skidmore Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Ted Nugent Bids 75K for Zimmerman Gun

Sources say rocker Ted Nugent has reportedly bid 75,000 for the gun used by George Zimmerman in the Trayvon Martin killing. // The auction listing on GunBroker.com lists the weapon as a 9 mm Kel-Tec PF pistol. The listing also says a portion [...]
TRUMP_SHOOTING

Trump Campaign Looking for Volunteer to be Shot

HALSTON, IOWA — Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is “actively engaged” in trying to find a volunteer to be shot by the billionaire reality TV star and current Republican presidential front runner in the wake of Trump [...]
Photo by DonkeyHotey via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Ted Nugent to Release New ‘Greatest Shits’ Collection

Detroit, MI – County fair rocker Ted Nugent is set to release a new ‘Greatest Shits’ collection, which will focus primarily on his most repugnant of spoken turd engagements. Recorded at various talk radio stations and other right-wing [...]
MILITIA_BEER_RUN

Oregon Militia Squatter Awarded Silver Cross For Beer Run

BURNS, OREGON — His legend grows as Oregon First Militia Private Corporal Master Chief Grant Ryan continued his historic and valiant performance in the Great Burns Oregon Squatting, earning himself his second medal of recognition from [...]
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Wayne LaPierre Sends Care Package of Cookies, Guns, Ammo to Oregon Militia Squatters

BURNS, OREGON — NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre has made no bones in the past about his distrust of the federal government. After many of the mass shootings that have taken place during President Barack Obama’s two presidential [...]
panda

Rocker/Activist Ted Nugent, 67, Shoots Beloved Panda

CRAWFORD, Tex. – Rocker/activist Ted Nugent is just one of the millions swept up in the “Find The Panda” craze, but Texas authorities say the hunting rights advocate took things a step too far. Some people who can’t find the panda [...]
SYRIAN_WAR_ZONE

Refugee Happy He Fled Syrian War Zone to Live in American War Zone

SMITHVILLE, ARKANSAS — When Ammar Abdul Malouf, 32, stepped off the plane that had taken him from Newark to Little Rock, he said he “knew he was home” within just minutes. Malouf is a Syrian-born refugee that came to the United [...]
YOUNG_REPUB_SAN_BERDOO

Republican ‘Relieved’ San Bernardino Shooters Had ‘Muslim-esque’ Names

SAN GUERRA, CALIFORNIA — Chuck Buelow is a 31 year old self-described “conservative Republican,” though he say she’d “easily denounce the GOP if a more conservative party formed.” Being a Republican, he says [...]
LAPIERRE_NRA_HQ

Wayne LaPierre Says U.S. Just ‘200 Million More Guns Away’ From Ending Gun Violence

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — Outside the National Rifle Association’s headquarters in Virginia, NRA executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre held a press conference early Thursday morning, just hours after the most deadly mass shooting since [...]
(AP Photo/David Goldman)

BREAKING: ‪#‎thoughtsandprayers‬ Bring Two San Bernardino Shooting Victims Back to Life

San Bernardino, CA – In what can only be described as divine intervention, two San Bernardino shooting victims that were pronounced dead by the SBC deputy coroner yesterday, have suddenly come back to life, lowering the body count down to [...]
By Herkie (Flickr) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Machete Wielding Lunatic Slices Through NRA Center

17 people hacked up at National Rifle Association Center in Boulder, CO BOULDER CO – A suspected Anti-2nd Amendment hatchet-man was arrested Friday after hacking up a Boulder, CO NRA Center with a machete and other blade weapons, wounding [...]