07242016Headline:
(Image:  YouTube)

FOX News Anchors Will Open Carry During RNC Broadcasts

CLEVELAND, Oh. — Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes is requiring his news correspondents to open carry loaded firearms while covering Cleveland’s upcoming Republican National Convention, sources say. The order, backed by NRA president [...]
(Image:  YouTube)

Gov. Mike Pence Will “Make America Straight Again” as Trump’s VP

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — Indiana Gov. Mike Pence vowed to “Make America Straight Again,” moments after news of his probable choice as Donald Trump’s running mate was leaked to major media outlets. Pence will be the first Republican [...]
OBMA_EXEC_GUN_GRAB

President Obama Says He Fears ‘Becoming A Lame Duck Gun Grabber’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) told the press over the weekend that as his administration’s tenure runs out, he’s growing increasingly concerned about “not completing one of Lord Soros’ [...]
WTC_MASS_SHOOTINGS

Weather Channel To Start Including Local Mass Shooting Forecasts in U.S. Broadcasts

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — The Weather Channel announced late this week that will start including hourly, daily, and weekly mass shooting forecasts in their local weather segments they broadcast. The move comes in response to the fact that, as [...]
LAPIERRE_HOPES_DREAMS

Wayne LaPierre Shoots and Kills Thoughts and Prayers That Accidentally Wandered Onto His Property

FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA — Law enforcement authorities in Virginia this morning announced that they’d responded to a 911 call late Wednesday night that came from the residence of NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre. What they found, [...]
Welcome to Florida USA

Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA — Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse and Florida resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary’s Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, [...]
paintball

NRA Group Challenges ISIS Members to “Paintball Battle”

A Houston, Texas area “2A Rights Group” that is loosely associated with the National Rifle Association has made headlines but issuing an open challenge to ISIS sympathizers. The group, called “Al Bearden’s Gun Club”, [...]
maxresdefault

NRA Member Praises “Good Guy With A Gun” In Cincinnati

“We really dodged a bullet on Saturday, pun not intended of course,” said proud NRA member Thomas Ripley of La Grange, OH on a now deleted Facebook post. “If it wasn’t for that ‘good guy with a gun’, not [...]
Phot by Gage Skidmore Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Ted Nugent Bids 75K for Zimmerman Gun

Sources say rocker Ted Nugent has reportedly bid 75,000 for the gun used by George Zimmerman in the Trayvon Martin killing. // The auction listing on GunBroker.com lists the weapon as a 9 mm Kel-Tec PF pistol. The listing also says a portion [...]
TRUMP_SHOOTING

Trump Campaign Looking for Volunteer to be Shot

HALSTON, IOWA — Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is “actively engaged” in trying to find a volunteer to be shot by the billionaire reality TV star and current Republican presidential front runner in the wake of Trump [...]
Photo by DonkeyHotey via Flickr Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Ted Nugent to Release New ‘Greatest Shits’ Collection

Detroit, MI – County fair rocker Ted Nugent is set to release a new ‘Greatest Shits’ collection, which will focus primarily on his most repugnant of spoken turd engagements. Recorded at various talk radio stations and other right-wing [...]
MILITIA_BEER_RUN

Oregon Militia Squatter Awarded Silver Cross For Beer Run

BURNS, OREGON — His legend grows as Oregon First Militia Private Corporal Master Chief Grant Ryan continued his historic and valiant performance in the Great Burns Oregon Squatting, earning himself his second medal of recognition from [...]
LAPIERRE_CARE_PACKAGE

Wayne LaPierre Sends Care Package of Cookies, Guns, Ammo to Oregon Militia Squatters

BURNS, OREGON — NRA Executive Vice-President Wayne LaPierre has made no bones in the past about his distrust of the federal government. After many of the mass shootings that have taken place during President Barack Obama’s two presidential [...]
panda

Rocker/Activist Ted Nugent, 67, Shoots Beloved Panda

CRAWFORD, Tex. – Rocker/activist Ted Nugent is just one of the millions swept up in the “Find The Panda” craze, but Texas authorities say the hunting rights advocate took things a step too far. Some people who can’t find the panda [...]
SYRIAN_WAR_ZONE

Refugee Happy He Fled Syrian War Zone to Live in American War Zone

SMITHVILLE, ARKANSAS — When Ammar Abdul Malouf, 32, stepped off the plane that had taken him from Newark to Little Rock, he said he “knew he was home” within just minutes. Malouf is a Syrian-born refugee that came to the United [...]
YOUNG_REPUB_SAN_BERDOO

Republican ‘Relieved’ San Bernardino Shooters Had ‘Muslim-esque’ Names

SAN GUERRA, CALIFORNIA — Chuck Buelow is a 31 year old self-described “conservative Republican,” though he say she’d “easily denounce the GOP if a more conservative party formed.” Being a Republican, he says [...]