08292014Headline:
dqla6

Fundamentalist Chef Will Bake Koran on Live TV

DEQUINCY, LA – A Louisiana Television Chef has announced his intention to bake the Koran in an upcoming cooking show. Chef Paul Horner, whose late night Cajun cooking show appears at 11:00 PM on Thursdays with reruns throughout the weekend, [...]
Minecraft Gay Ritual

The National Report Investigates Minecraft & the Dark Side of User-Created Content

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief < WARNING! EXPLICIT UNCENSORED XXX PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE!> Please read the statement below first before continuing to the article. * Being fair and unbiased in reporting news is our operating [...]
cure for the gay

Spain Calls New Russian Vaccine Preventing Homosexuality Convincing

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor in Chief <National Report> BARCELONA – Today scientists in Spain confirmed claims made by Russian scientists almost three weeks ago that they had discovered the cure for homosexuality. The story [...]
GayEvolution

Kansas Teacher Fired for Linking Homosexuality, Evolution

<National Report>Topeka, KS–A teacher at a middle school in Topeka, Kansas was fired Thursday morning, after comments made in his classroom this week that troubled students, parents, and faculty alike, drawing a direct link between [...]
RAINBOW-STORK-CRYOBANK-SAN-FRANCISCO

Business Booming For San Fran’s “Gay-Only” Sperm Bank

San Francisco has long been known as a haven for members of the LGBTQ community. The California city has an extensive and rich history of tolerance for homosexuals and their ilk. Unsurprisingly, one man intends to capitalize on this notion by [...]
kate-bush-2014-riot-sold-out

Kate Bush Tour Sells Out In 15 Minutes Inciting Riots Worldwide

Fires roared and cities exploded into violence as people took to the streets to vent their rage over being unable to procure coveted Kate Bush tickets. Every venue was sold out within a matter of minutes provoking riots worldwide as hundreds [...]
Gay to straight program in Tennessee

Gay-To-Straight Program To Be Included In All Tennessee School Curriculum Beginning May 1st

Memphis, TN — Beginning May 1st of this year, the state of Tennessee is implementing a mandatory school program designed for all children grades K-12 to help homosexual males and females choose to become straight. The gay-to-straight conversion [...]
fred-phelps-homosexual-death-bed-confession

Westboro Baptist Church Fred Phelp’s Deathbed Confession “I’m Gay”

The 84 year old founder of the notorious Westboro Baptist Church is barely clinging to life at a Midland hospice house in Topeka Kansas. The man who seemingly dedicated his entire life to tormenting homosexuals allegedly made a startling confession [...]
cross-dressing-school-program-1

Maryland Middle School Requires Children To Cross Dress For “LGBTQ Appreciation Day”

(St. Leonard, MD) – Parents in the town of St. Leonard, MD were aghast after learning what the staff at Heritage Middle School required children to do for a passing grade. The outrage stems from an event held this past Monday, a day which [...]
Sesame Street is no stranger to social commentary.

Sesame Street’s Big Bird Comes Out As Transgender

New York – The last few years has seen more than a few eye-catching character reinventions on the long-time award-winning children’s show, Sesame Street. The changes are not surprising given that it’s on PBS, a network committed [...]
Mmmmm, Bacon and Beer Milkshake

TNReport Sports Report-Oct. 14-20, 2013

By Casssidy Pen, TNReport Sports Reporter NASCAR Gets it Right Again NASCAR (Neoconservative Apes Steering Cars Around Racetracks) in association with the Texas Motor Speedway (#texasmotorspeedway) will announce a new Beer and Bacon Milkshake. [...]
pccmarch

People Can Change Announces “Million Ex-Gay Man March” in Washington DC

By Cassidy Pen <Washington DC> People Can Change, the not-for-profit education and support group which aims to guide men who seek to transition away from unwanted homosexuality and toward the life affirming goal of a spiritual relationship [...]
Antoine-Dodson-featured-babies

Reformed Homosexual Antoine Dodson Tweets of Impending Baby-Daddy-Dom

<NR>Antoine Dodson, the former flaming rainbow child and star of the “Bed Intruder” video that went viral faster than a case of the clap in a bath house has announced he is to be a father. // // // ]]> Dodson renounced [...]
Tupac Gay Rumors

Tupac Gay Rumors Resurface – Former Homosexual Companion Comes Forward With Alleged Love Letters

<NR>Just days before the anniversary of late rapper Tupac Shakur’s demise, new rumors surface concerning the star’s supposed homosexuality. Yesterday a man wishing to be known only as “Eskiah” contacted National [...]
homomuerto

Afterlife Gay Conversion Therapy for Gay Historical Figures – Sure, Why Not?

(National Report) Everyday, it seems, a new moldering corpse is exhumed from past and declared a homosexual. While declaring historical figures gay or LGBT is supposed to be encouraging to adolescents struggling with identity, the whole process [...]
Sweet Cakes By Melissa

Sweet Cakes By Melissa Operators Bullied Into Closing Up Shop

<NR>Hundreds of corpulent sapphic beasts and their brainwashed minions took to the streets Sunday night to celebrate the destruction of Sweet Cakes By Melissa bakery. Aaron and Melissa Klein were just a humble Christian couple operating [...]