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(Image:  Gage Skidmore via Wiki)

Ben Carson Reportedly Raptured After Fiery Speech at Republican National Convention

CLEVELAND, Oh. — Hours after delivering a blistering speech attacking both Hillary Clinton and Lucifer at the Republican National Convention, former presidential candidate Ben Carson was reported missing by his wife Lacena “Candy” Carson. After [...]
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Gov. Mike Pence Will “Make America Straight Again” as Trump’s VP

INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. — Indiana Gov. Mike Pence vowed to “Make America Straight Again,” moments after news of his probable choice as Donald Trump’s running mate was leaked to major media outlets. Pence will be the first Republican [...]
(AP Photo/Chris Carlson)

Michele Bachmann Prays That Gay Conversion Therapy Will Help Her Husband

STILLWATER, Minn. — Former Congresswoman and Tea Party Caucus chair Michele Bachmann says the RNC was “simply listening to God” when they officially added gay conversion therapy to their current party platform. The adoption of what has [...]
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Michele Bachmann: Obama Engineered Zika Virus to Fund Obamacare

STILLWATER, Minn. — In a speech delivered before a major conservative think tank, former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann reportedly suggested that the Obama administration deliberately engineered the Zika virus, in an effort to “keep [...]
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BeanFlickr SuperPAC Unites L.L.Bean & Flickr

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. — L.L.Bean has reportedly joined forces with Flickr to create BeanFlickr, a bipartisan SuperPAC designed to fund and promote female candidates who speak to “social media-driven, traditional value voters straddling both [...]
(AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Trump Supporters Required to Purchase “Rally Insurance”

TRUMP TOWER, N.Y. — In yet another sign that Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is meeting its financial responsibilities head on, rally organizers will now collect a “negligible” insurance deposit, and attendees will [...]
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Bedwetter’s Mother Sees Image of Donald Trump in Son’s Sheets

CINCINNATI, Ohio — Like many youngsters, 6-year-old Rogelio Fuentes recently awoke to a pair of soggy pajamas and a set of wet bed sheets — a normal part of childhood development, many doctors say. But thanks to a sharp-eyed mother on [...]
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Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters Sues Donald Trump Over Use of Term “The Wall,” Says National Report

SOUTHAMPTON, N.Y. — Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters is suing Donald Trump over the real estate mogul’s use of the term “The Wall,” citing brand damage, intellectual property copyright infringement, and future loss of earnings, sources [...]
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Oddsmaker Says Donald Trump Will “Totally Melt Down” on July 4

LAS VEGAS, Nev. — A leading oddsmaker says presumptive GOP nominee Donald Trump will suffer “a complete and total nuclear meltdown” over the July 4th holiday weekend, ignited by growing criticism from fellow Republicans, including House [...]
(AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Ben Carson Gets Spray Tan Before Trump’s VEEP Announcement to “Improve His Chances”

Dr. Ben Carson, who says Donald Trump promised him a position in his administration, reportedly received a spray tan to “improve his chances with the party’s presumptive nominee” in what will undoubtedly become a crowded field of potential [...]
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The Covington Report: Health Insurers Bail Out of Obamacare Fear Imminent Collapse

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief The Covington Report are the collective works of commentary and editorial pieces from Editor-in-Chief, Nigel Covington — Political Correctness Prohibited! Obama’s shining flagship of his [...]
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The Covington Report: The Dirty Low Down on D.C. Scandal Queen, “Dirty Hillary”

By Nigel J. Covington III Editor-in-Chief The Covington Report is the collective works of commentary and editorial pieces from Editor-in-Chief, Nigel Covington. — Political Correctness Strictly Prohibited Here! Hillary Milhous Clinton, [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster, File)

Ben Carson Jokes About Trump’s Riot Warning: ‘He Meant To Say Stabbings’

WASHINGTON — Ben Carson’s unexpected Trump endorsement took a strange turn this week, after sources revealed that the retired neurosurgeon defended Trump’s warning of Republican convention riots by saying “it was just a humorous [...]
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Obama Nominates Judy Garland to Supreme Court Just To See If Anyone’s Paying Attention

THE WHITE HOUSE — President Obama, in a unique move engineered “to see if anyone in Congress is paying attention,” nominated the late singer/actress Judy Garland to fill the vacancy created by the death of Justice Antonin Scalia. “I [...]
(AP Photo/Stephen B. Morton)

Banned in Berlin: Donald Trump’s Remarks Get Him Tossed Out of Germany

German Chancellor Angela Merkel has banned Donald Trump from entering Germany after viewing scenes and listening to remarks from Trump’s so-called “incendiary” political rallies, according to sources. The action comes after the [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite, File)

Marco Rubio Bio ‘Too Small To Fail’ Hits Bookshelves

MIAMI, Fla. – An “unauthorized” biography of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, entitled Too Small To Fail:  The Marco Rubio Story, will hit bookshelves before the end of the month. The slim paperback, authored by Kitty Kelsen, examines [...]