04012015Headline:
Samuel_Joseph_Wurzelbacher

Joe The Plumber Gets His Own Animated Series

HOLLAND, OHIO – Since his 2008 entry into the public eye, Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, better known by his moniker “Joe the Plumber”, has been a GOP cheerleader, Ohio Congressional candidate, ordinary working stiff, author, [...]
(AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Ted Cruz Adds Mandatory Church To Platform After “Inspiring Words” From Sylvia Allen

Senator Ted Cruz is making a bold new campaign pledge: if he’s elected president, he’ll make what he calls “semi-occasional” church visits mandatory, by federal law, for all American citizens, a proposal inspired after [...]
(AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

Ted Cruz Praises Obamacare, Says He Saved Nearly 20% On Health Insurance

2016 Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz surprised many earlier this week when he revealed that he and his family would sign up for health insurance on the famed Obamacare exchanges, but today, he managed to surpass that story with an even more [...]
(AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

ISIS Endorses Ted Cruz For President, Cites Government Shutdown

The terrorist network ISIS, which has cut Iraq in half and is perceived internationally as one of the world’s biggest terror threats, announced this week via a short video sent to Al Jazeera that they are officially endorsing Senator [...]
(AP Photo/Ted S. Warren)

New House Bill Would Ban Airplanes From Video Games

A new bill proposed by Republicans in the House of Representatives would ban video game developers from including flyable aircraft in their products, including airplanes, helicopters, blimps, and even science fiction vehicles like space ships, [...]
(AP Photo/Raad Adayleh)

FEMA’s First Concentration Camp Officially Opens In Arizona

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has officially opened their first “Political Realignment Facility,” more famously known as a “concentration camp” or “death camp,” in an area southwest of Willcox, [...]
(AP Photo/Timothy D. Easley)

Glenn Beck To Create New “Ultra-Conservative” Political Party

Do you feel like the Republican Party isn’t standing up for real American values anymore? Are you upset that the Tea Party just isn’t conservative enough for your liking? Well don’t worry, because conservative pundit Glenn [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Sen. Lindsey Graham’s Purse Stolen By Mystery Woman

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) was the victim of an apparent purse theft Monday evening, after a patron in a DC eatery grabbed the swanky, high-end fashion accessory while Graham used the restroom. And now, Capitol Police and DC Metro Police [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite, File)

Rand Paul Misuses “DTF” Acronym… On Grindr App

Like most contemporary candidates, Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) has been using social media to promote his potential 2016 presidential bid. But Paul hasn’t just been using Facebook and Twitter for his potential candidacy… he’s [...]
(AP Photo/Carolyn Kaster)

Rand Paul Gave Head To Donor During CPAC Speech

WASHINGTON – According to Republican National Committee officials, US Senator Rand Paul, (R-KY) “committed no ethical violations” in connection with an act reportedly witnessed by many audience members at Washington DC’s [...]
(AP Photo/Markus Schreiber)

7-Year-Old Emancipated From Republican ‘Dance Mom From Hell’

<PARSIPANNY, NJ>  7-year-old “Ashley M” made history last week, becoming the youngest person in the state of New Jersey granted legal emancipation from a parent – a parent Family Court Judge Jerome Hill called a “Republican [...]
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GOP Approval Rating 94% After Republican Senators’ Iran Letter

WASHINGTON – Results of a nationwide poll show the GOP maintaining an astoundingly healthy 94% approval rating, up significantly as the party prepares to select a nominee to claim victory in the 2016 Presidential election. Jeb Bush, the [...]
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

House Republicans Proposing “Dress Code” For First Daughters

If Republicans in the House of Representatives have it their way, First Daughters Sasha and Malia Obama might soon become the first presidential children to ever be forced into following a dress code, which would apply to how they present themselves [...]
(AP Photo/Bill Haber, File)

Sarah Palin Vows To Lift A Finger To Help Hillary Clinton’s Campaign

BILLINGS, Montana – Vowing to “lift a finger” to “help” Hillary “Emailgate” Clinton’s all-but-formally-announced presidential campaign, GOP firebrand Sarah Palin made light of her recent and accidental [...]
(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta, File)

Ted Cruz Hospitalized After Obama Says Drinking Bleach Is “Bad For You”

Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was hospitalized Wednesday morning after drinking nearly a full liter of bleach in the White House Roosevelt Room, after President Barack Obama tried telling a group of Democrats and Republicans that bleach is not fit [...]
(AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

House Speaker John Boehner, 65, Found Dead Inside, Sources Claim

CAPITOL HILL – House Speaker John Boehner was found to be “dead inside” according to reports leaked to members of the press from various Congressional staffers, following his narrow reelection as Speaker last January, and amid [...]