Trump: I Love Russia! The Best Borscht Is Made in Trump Tower!

DORAL, Fla. — Moments after holding an extended press conference calling on Russia to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails, a tweet praising the Russian people —and borscht— surfaced. Trump said he hoped the Russians were trying to hack into [...]

Florida Rape Victim Skirts Waiting Period and Performs Her Own Abortion With An AR-15

LAGO DEL DESESPERACIÓN, FLORIDA — Back in April of this year, 28 year old nurse and Florida resident Jane Sampson was raped while walking home after working a late shift at St. Mary’s Hospital. To her utter shock and dismay, [...]

Sarah Palin Granted Hysterical Landmark Designation By Preservation Commission

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has been designated a National Hysterical Landmark by a group calling itself The American Society for the Preservation of Landmarks. Palin, 58, is the first Hysterical Landmark designee, with future honorees to [...]

Todd Palin Injured While Riding Snowblower, Says Report

WASILLA, Alaska –  Todd Palin, husband of former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, was injured on Monday while riding a snowblower on a “homemade neighborhood Iditarod racetrack,” according to local reports. // Sarah Palin, scheduled [...]

Hulk Hogan Sex Tape Trial Ends in “Not Hung” Jury

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. – Citing “the absence of substantial physical evidence,” the jury in the Hulk Hogan sex tape trial failed to reach a verdict in the celebrity wrestler’s $100MM privacy invasion lawsuit against Gawker Media. “We [...]

Marco Rubio Bio ‘Too Small To Fail’ Hits Bookshelves

MIAMI, Fla. – An “unauthorized” biography of Florida Sen. Marco Rubio, entitled Too Small To Fail:  The Marco Rubio Story, will hit bookshelves before the end of the month. The slim paperback, authored by Kitty Kelsen, examines [...]

Donald Trump: “I Was Caucus Blocked By Ted Cruz”

DES MOINES, Iowa – Addressing a private group of supporters in Iowa, Donald Trump vowed that he would not give up his #1 frontrunner status easily, after being “Caucus blocked” by Texas Sen. Ted Cruz. Cruz eked out a narrow GOP victory [...]

Donald Trump Hires George Zimmerman as Security Consultant For “Special Events” Says Report

Neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman will soon be working for Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump as a ‘Security Consultant for Special Events and Appearances,’ sources say. Zimmerman, 32, a self-described ‘High [...]

Boehner Resigns Halfway Through Term, Cites Palin Doctrine

WASHINGTON – In a day full of news dominated by Pope Francis’ US visit, came the political bombshell no one expected: House Speaker John Boehner’s sudden resignation, effective October 31. Citing The Palin Doctrine – the Alaska [...]

Obama Declares Victory Over Texas in Jade Helm 15, Names Himself Commander in Chief of State’s Military

AUSTIN, Tex. – Jade Helm 15, the largest military training operation in U.S. history, is “an overwhelming success,” says Barack Obama, who quietly assumed control of the Lone Star State’s armed services division, naming himself [...]

Conservative Lion Rush Limbaugh, 64, Found in Palm Beach Home

PALM BEACH, Fla. – Radio talk show host and conservative commentator Rush Limbaugh, 64, was found in his Palm Beach home with what doctors called natural causes. Emergency responders failed to arrive at his seaside home. Limbaugh’s lifelong [...]

Alabama DOT Bans Homosexuals from Highway Rest Stops

Montgomery, AL — Alabama Governor Robert J. Bentley has ordered the state’s National Guard leadership to stop the gay sex epidemic that has plagued Alabama’s highway rest stops in recent years. Citing Alabama’s ‘Religious Freedom’ [...]

Florida and Texas Considering Legislation to Extend Open Carry to African Americans

In what is being hailed by some as civil rights legislation, lone Democratic lawmakers in Florida and Texas are considering extending ‘Open Carry’ laws to blacks. Democratic legislators in both Florida and Texas are said to be considering [...]

Marco Rubio Pouts: Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner!

WEST MIAMI, Fl. – In the days following his presidential candidacy announcement, Florida’s junior Senator Marco Rubio finds himself frustrated, apparently because the media spotlight hasn’t focused as brightly on him than say, … Donald [...]