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Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

 (AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

(AP Photo/Toby Talbot)

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

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1,892 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. weo1 says:

    wow i can really tell that these “experts” are totally not the people currently getting rich off the oil companies

  2. Candy Haasch says:

    What a bunch of hogwash! These sound like the same geniuses who said we shouldn’t put up windmills to generate power because then we would run out of wind.

  3. Brian says:

    Um, this was satire.

  4. Jack Johnson says:

    Really??? A whole think tank of people believe this? Smoke another one chief.

  5. Brian says:

    What’s so sad is that the Right Wing has gone so far off the rails crazy that nearly every comment here and under the actual story are made by people who really believe that the story is true.

    Yes, this is satire, but it COULD be true given the current crop of Conservative crazies. Like this TRUE one:

    “Wind is God’s way of balancing heat. Wind is the way you shift heat from areas where it’s hotter to areas where it’s cooler. That’s what wind is. Wouldn’t it be ironic if in the interest of global warming we mandated massive switches to energy, which is a finite resource, which slows the winds down, which causes the temperature to go up? Now, I’m not saying that’s going to happen, Mr. Chairman, but that is definitely something on the massive scale. I mean, it does make some sense. You stop something, you can’t transfer that heat, and the heat goes up. It’s just something to think about.” – Rep. Joe Barton ®

    http://www.democraticunderground.com/10023819890

  6. Eric says:

    That has got to be the biggest pile of bull shit I have ever heard. Draining the Suns energy? LMFAO!!! Of course Halliburton is not going to invest. Over time, they would stand to loose trillions in energy production! If communities invested in solar power vs. Fossil fuels, who do you think will profit? The people! Instead of having a few corporations producing ALL of our energy, there would be millions of ordinary people profiting from solar power. It would lead to a natural redistribution of wealth over time. You think big corporations are gonna give in that easy? We have the technology, but do we have the will?

  7. Justin C says:

    Please tell me this is satire…

  8. Mariam says:

    This is legitimately the stupidest piece of pseudo science i have ever seen in my life. If any single person believes this the sun will probably explode, i have 100% proof that there is the same chance of that happening as whatever the hell you pulled out of your butt for this article.

  9. lienlook says:

    Is this article a joke?

    The sun is 4 billion years old.

    And it will still be around for another 4.

    Solar panels could “drain” it in 400 years?

    Is this an article for dumb people? What part of the internet is this?

  10. shane says:

    I bet these studies weren’t peer-reviewed!

  11. Hubert Alphonse Huckleberry says:

    Where can I obtain this crack the writers of this article are smoking? It seems to be some seriously good stuff.

  12. Talavar says:

    OMG turn off your solar panels! It might drain the sun of the 1 trillion megaton bombs per second amount of energy it puts off! Are these guys that stupid? Scientists? REALLY? Solar panels COLLECT only what hits the panels, transfers that into energy, and that is it. What retard thinks that the solar panels “Pull” from the sun which is 93 million miles away. and even if it did, you could completely cover the earth with solar panels, and it wouldn’t even phase the sun. It would simply look at them, fart a solar flare in their general direction, and give us all a sunburn.

  13. Mike says:

    There’s a few things about the article that put up red flags to me. First off, the research was done by “a privately-owned think tank…” which tells me that the people calling the shots have some sort of agenda. That was confirmed later in the article when it flat out says that Halliburton commissioned the study and it’s obvious that a company that thrives from the dependency on fossil fuels would say, “that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.”
    My point is that you shouldn’t trust a company that says, “the world needs what we’re selling”

  14. GarbageMan says:

    This article is a load of crap.

  15. WTF says:

    what a load of shit.

  16. Joseph Erisman says:

    Well I am pleased this information is getting out. I am also pleased to note the institution – Wyoming Institute of Technology as I would never be accepted into MIT but I could go right from writing creative grant request to the top of my class at WIT. I hope the sun doesn’t dim WIT from their far reaching and creative studies. I have already been warned not to get too much Vitamin D by sun bathing – God alone knows [well maybe WIT as well] if sun bathing also ‘sucks up the suns energy. Time to investigate cave dwelling.
    Hey a company with such fine aspirations as Halliburton who funded study, commissioned in August 2011 puts the findings above reproach, this is not a matter to believe, don’t even think about it. If this article and the WIT are not spoofs, if this is science in America we are in really deep trouble.

  17. Jen says:

    I was wondering if some corporation was behind these “experts.”

    Halliburton is one of the world’s largest oil companies, was run by Dick Cheney before the 2000 presidency election, was partially responsible for the BP oil spill, along with several other toxic environmental disasters, as well as tampering with resulting evidence.

    Of course they’ll try to slander anything that distracts from their profits.

  18. lmao says:

    Woah an energy funded think tank came out with a non peer reviewed study that states that solar panels are bad! Oh no! Get the Fuck out of here. The solar roads are going to hurt these ass clowns profits in a huge way and theyou asked their think tank to come up with a way to grasp at straws. Solar panels are passive. This is retarded. I hope all of you shit heads go bankrupt.

  19. John says:

    That is the stupidest thing I have ever read. Do people really believe this crap!!!

  20. Austin says:

    This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

  21. builder7 says:

    It is obvious that this is another of Halliburton’s lies since they are dependent on fossil fuel energy they want to try to trick the dumb and ignorant among us to support this idiot study. The sun radiates energy in a 360 degree arc from it in all directions and the earth makes up only a very small area that the suns energy hits. Even if it did drain the amount of energy that it soaked up it would be a small fraction of the sun’s total radiance area. What ever happened to empirical studies? I know, in the 70’s the private companies complained that the government came up with results of studies that were not accurate – as if they were communists or something. Somehow business got everybody to buy into this privatization concept where they do their own studies and then give the results to the government to use. That is like letting the fox run the hen house and this ‘study’ is further evidence of how it is getting out of control. Now they are trying to get secret councils to do business so that the public cannot find out about it. There is an evil in this land and it is going to end up bad.

  22. Dylan says:

    Are you serious?
    This is why aliens don’t talk to us. …..
    Probably the most retarded article I have read this year.

  23. Kevin Kopacko says:

    How about we get some links to this study and a list of those participated, as well as links to their raw data and the manner in which they compiled this data to draw their conclusions put into this LIE FILLED PROPAGANDA? Also perhaps a bit of info on who is funding this institute and where those funds are going? There is NOTHING humanity can do that can impact what the SUN is doing. Especially not without launching a rocket. And any credited astronomer, or physicist will attest to it. How DARE you people try to corrupt science for personal and political gains! And where do you get the gall to even call this news to be published? Do you not care about the harm to society this sort of disinformation causes? You are not a journalist. You are a paid off flunky much like your supposed scientists at this supposed institute. People like you are a disgrace to humanity.

  24. Rebecca Hollingsworth says:

    Privately owned think tank. Owned by whom big oil?
    Halliburton paid for the study. That says everything. BS BS

    • Evan says:

      This is satire

    • Tom says:

      This has to be a joke. The sun has the nuclear fuel to last for 4.5 Billion Years. As a proportion of it’s Sphrical area, the earth probably only receives about .000000001% of the sun’s energy (A healthy estimate). The sun creates more energy every second than the World uses in a year. Even if “Forced Photovoltaic Drainage” were a thing… it’s not. I’m sorry. That’s like saying a flashlight shining into the sky will last longer than a flashlight pointed at a solar panel. It’s insane.

    • Lara Maxwell says:

      It’s a joke…

    • kevin tempel says:

      pure Halliburton bullshit! this must be the lowest of all crap ever.

    • Tom says:

      Does the word “Satire” mean anything to you?

    • harold says:

      Stay calm. This is SATIRE.

    • The very idea of this is ignorant. The report showed absolutely no scientific facts as to how this supposedly sucks the energy out of the sun. The sun creates the energy on a daily basis. How stupid do these fuck tards think we are seriously

    • Art says:

      This is a satire site, btw.

    • Scott McDonald says:

      This is in the website’s descriptions…

      “National Report (nationalreport.net) is a satirical website devoted to often subtle parodies of real news”

      So of course it’s BS. There is no conspiracy here, haha.

  25. Drhoobad says:

    What a bunch of shit! Even the metaphor is moronic. They’re treating radiation like current, which it isn’t. The speed of propagation of radiation depends on the medium it’s passing through, not on the draw.

  26. Matt says:

    Wait, wait, wait.. what?!? Am I missing something here?? This is satire, right?! My goodness, I sure hope so!

  27. Carlos says:

    This is patently ridiculous. The analogy to the waterfall is misplaced and reflects grade school logic at best. Who are these people. It is actually insulting to intelligence, which Hailburton et. al. obviously lack.

    The sun produces light via nuclear reactions. It could care less if the Earth is here to receive it. Besides, the proportion of the sun’s energy that reaches Earth is insignificantly small. Anyone with a rudimentary sense of geometry could see what a small arc out of 4pi steradians the Earth subtends.

    Get a life people, or better yet, get an education.

  28. Pheniks says:

    ty, i really needed a good laugh

  29. Trillion Megasmith says:

    Lol.. Does this mean that singers could strain their voice if the crowd got too large?

    I bet the shower water runs faster the dirtier you are too..

    I would love to hear from anyone who believes this.. I have a large supply of dehydrated water (ideal for Hikers and trampers), at 15% off..

    • brad says:

      Koch brothers had something to do with it.

    • Rick says:

      No. It means that singers will strain their voice if the listeners’ ears are too big. Sounds reasonable to me…… duh.

    • Melba says:

      lmao… love yr work Trillion. 😀

    • Rebel says:

      We better cut down all those sun sucking trees too!!
      Independent think tank study funded by Haliburton OIL.

    • Charles says:

      I’ve been wanting to invent dehydrated water for some 30 years. Think just a drop of water and you’ve got gallons. Our minds think alike.

  30. Bruce Bethany says:

    Solar depletion is indeed something to worry about. We already know that mothers lose much of their energy and stamina caring for children. Professors brains are drained by affording their knowledge to students. Chefs face starvation as they work hard to feed hungry diners.
    Politicians lose stentorian glibness and powers to influence constituents who absorb so much of their rodomontade that it renders them impotent. Even bank robbers discover the money they steal loses value almost immediately. Damn.

    • Erik says:

      LOL

    • Paula says:

      Brilliant lmao. Written by Cuadrilla or similar ..Perhaps

    • Alex says:

      Are you serious? A corner stone of modern physics is built on the principle of energy conservation, in this supposed “think tank” they blindly state “Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” this statement is impossible read a book for once before giving simple cause and effect events in our reality, news flash things happen for factual, testable and proven study not some random mirror universe where everything draws some universal energy, life is more like a song.

      • Pathy says:

        I think Bruce was employing irony.

      • Jimbo says:

        Oops, someone missed the sarcasm…

      • Adrian says:

        What a bunch of twaddle. The sun has been around 4.5billion years. It will last another 10billion maybe. Besides, sun panels can in no way draw energy from the sun. they are passive receivers like the earth itself. That palin woman is a fountain of misinformation and racist, religionist propaganda and clearly never paid attention to any of her classes in school

    • m t noggin says:

      haliburton….might have known it…the inventors of fracking…say no more.

  31. halliburton/ says:

    Are you people fucking serious?

  32. PHD in Critical Thinking says:

    Please read this article and see it for the hoax it is. A “solar vacuum cleaner”? Comparing solar energy to water? Water is a finite resource in the universe, whereas solar energy is being emitted from the sun, endlessly till it will burn out 8 billion years from now.

  33. Lk says:

    By their own rational (catching water from a waterfall.. .. or pumping it dry and the river above??) How stupid do you think people are. Are the panels going to be 50 miles in front of the sun with giant electromagnetic radiation vacuum arrays that would block all the suns light and heat any way, and would they then use the starship enterprises transportation device to get the power back to earth? I dont care how big the pump is you will suck air once the total value of matter is collected. Muppet’s – them who wrote this April fools joke and more so the ones who believe it.

  34. Bob Honeycutt says:

    THIS IS TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT AND SHOULDNT BE A PUBLISHED ARTICLE AT ALL.. STUPID SELF SERVING IDIOTS..

  35. Dave1960 says:

    Are you kidding me? Even if this WERE even remotely true, how much energy do we get from the sun as a fraction of the energy put out by the sun every second??? Consider that the Earth is just but a speck on a landscape that is enormous (more like a blade of grass on a football field). How much of the sun’s output do we really receive?? A miniscule amount at best.

    This article is probably the dumbest thing I have ever read. The fact is, this is just impossible. Don’t believe a word.

    • Evan says:

      It’s satire

    • SeenRightThroughIt says:

      Uh, Dave1960, did you notice the organization, WIT? Wit? Get it? Every joke is a lie.

    • David Maddern says:

      Clearly written on April 1.
      Or else the “scientists” got their degrees off cornflake packets.
      Or it could be the looney Right, Haliburton’s friends, belonging to a Right Think Tank.
      Completely off reality.

    • David F says:

      Uhh, the Sun only shines in the daytime and when it does we receive only .ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo1 of it’s output. It’s a shame the rest is wasted. Of course, the above number also relates to the brain power of the ones who readied this report. Hope you liked the “daytime” statement.

    • Jessica says:

      If i could, i’d actually like your comment, cause that’s exactly how i see things !

  36. Bat says:

    what a load of bollocks. Guess who is supported by the energy industries? These two retards. They will say anything to keep their friends rich. Someone needs to fucking shoot these two cunts as all they are doing is stealing oxygen.

  37. Justin says:

    I think gt missed the fact that this article is satire. Funny, funny satire.

    • Lara Maxwell says:

      A lot of people missed that. It’s fun reading the comments, though.

    • Jeremy Hodder says:

      yea i was thinking that as well, but nowhere in the tags does it list satire. i’m starting to wonder if this is really just the most moronic of morons believing their own bullshit..lol..seriously if this is what anyone thinks is real you have a problem america. if even one person believes this dumbest of dumb articles you all have a problem to address.. one can only hope it is actually satire, i have trouble believing even idiots like ted cruz and sarah palin are this completely brain dead. i certainly hope it’s satire…lol

    • Kevin Lancaster says:

      That’s funny, after I left a comment yesterday pointing out the idiocy of it all, I actually felt stupid wondering if I had missed the fact that this site is satire, no, it’s not, it’s stupid, as stupid as it gets.

    • Lowry E. Davidson says:

      This is no so funny when you put it in perspective . The Search engines used by young students cannot distinguish between an academic and a satirical review these articles are written to poison the result of serious searches and as the responses here show there are many persons taking them quite seriously

      • Louisa H says:

        Don’t you think the bigger outrage should be the poor education of students then? If they are not taught to use their cri

      • Louisa H says:

        “The search engine” should not be the one who should be able to identify satire over academic research. If a student can’t use critical thought to identify valid sources then the education system that promotes passive learning techniques should be the focus of your outrage. Satire has been around since the 5th century BCE and is a valid tool for academic, public, and entertainment purposes. Focus your outrage on the obvious abuse of passive learning techniques that revolve around the “search engine.” The “poisoning” can only be done in how we teach our students to learn… Their cognitive abilities are absolutely able to detect bullshit, so teach them how instead of being outraged that people are using a literary technique any student should know.

      • mike says:

        Look if you are dumb enough to actually believe any of this you should have died at birth. The true irony is that all you people are acting all pompous like you are so smart for being able to tell this is bullshit and citing examples and evidence why it is, and you are all to stupid to realize this is an obvious troll and satire article made to watch u dipshits climb on your high horses and freak out. Lmao. Retards..

        • Kasia says:

          Rofl. I can’t believe the amount of people that think this is real. Its kind of scary.

        • Larry Speaks says:

          Indeed – it’s funny and heartbreaking at the same time. Is satire something some people don’t learn until they are older or something?

      • So dumb says:

        They’re taking it seriously because they’re idiots.

    • connie S says:

      I hope it’s satire. There are enough idiots in the country these days who will believe anything and I really hate to see stuff like this in print:
      “it must be true, it was on the Internet.”

  38. jim says:

    who would be stupid enough to believe this? i mean, i don’t think this story would fly even with the dimmest of knuckle dragging mouth breathers. i’m literally shocked. Who thought this was a winning lie? To that person; you need to reconsider your path in life.

  39. Sara says:

    Please oh please tell me this is a joke. If it is not then the term “Think Tank” may be synonymous with meandering bunch of ignorant fools. It doesn’t work that way. Solar panels do not ‘suck’ energy. -_-

  40. DustyBones says:

    No doubt this report done by the same experts & scientists that work for the oil companies..

  41. Ken Albin says:

    I thought this was from the Onion when I first saw it. OK, here is an experiment that will test the article’s hypothesis. In a dark room put a solar cell with an attached lamp close to a small candle. Light the candle. Time how long it takes the candle to burn down and go out. Repeat this with an identical candle but no solar cell and bulb. If the article is correct, the candle next to the solar cell should burn out faster than the candle without the solar cell. I can tell you exactly what will happen. The candles will burn at the same rate. Any 7th grade science student could tell people that.

  42. Kyle says:

    Sounds like these “experts” have shit for brains

  43. jami says:

    Yes we had a bad winter this past year, but how many winters in a row did we have before that which were very mild? Our calendar is man made, climates are changing period. Nothing to do with solar energy. These people are working for oil companies who don’t want to go bankrupt. So obviously they were paid off to make it seem like a bad idea. They say they have proof……let us see your so called proof.

  44. Gronk says:

    So a small panel of photovoltaic cells, placed on a (relatively) tiny rock, millions of miles from the sun, can somehow accelerate the nuclear fusion in the sun’s core, causing it to expel more energy? Boy, am I glad we found this one out before we jumped the gun on solar panels! I think we need to ban calculators from use if they have a solar panel in them, because they can kill our sun and drain even more electricity out of our light bulbs.

    All sarcasm aside, I sincerely hope readers of this article don’t believe what they see here, because this is far from being even remotely accurate. These “scientists” have literally no way to present evidence to argue this claim, and I believe they should be forcibly relieved of their scientific duties.

  45. Remy C. says:

    This is rather evil, and probably totally untrue. The one thing that might draw more energy from the sun is “souls” because all life on Earth is a product of solar radiation. We “draw” from the sun for our existence. Solar panels don’t do that, or maybe they do, what do I know. Maybe solar panels are alive…

  46. Main_Engineering says:

    hahahahaha! Just compare the size of the Earth to the size of the sun, compare the surface areas. If the entire Earth were silicon, this could not happen. “The Sun’s surface area is 11,990 times that of the Earth’s.”

    How embarrassing for Halliburton!

  47. David says:

    Breaking news: Taking pictures of people actually makes them older.

  48. Richard says:

    What a gigantic load of non-scientific bullshit…only a compete idiot would put his/her name to such garbage. Physics, people, physics alone would laugh over the next 15 billion years at such complete and utter nonsense. What sort of degrees do these jokers have…probably none in physics, chemistry, or sanity.

  49. Richard says:

    the National Journal should be greatly ashamed for such blatant yellow journalism, spreading complete lies, like fox news, and print a retraction and apology for distributing this total fiction they came as “news.” You win the total Putz Award for this article.

  50. JF says:

    I call bs. Hopefully these ‘experts’ know that only 1/1000000000th of the suns energy actually reaches the surface of the earth



*DISCLAIMER: National Report is a news and political satire web publication, which may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictitious ways. All news articles contained within National Report are fiction, and presumably fake news. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental. Advice given is NOT to be construed as professional. If you are in need of professional help, please consult a professional. National Report is not intended for children under the age of 18.