07262014Headline:

Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say

SolarPanels

<National Report>This week, a scientific research facility in Wyoming made a startling discovery that is certain to change the way millions of Americans look at the environmentalism movement, after they found conclusive evidence that solar panels not only convert the sun’s energy into usable energy, but that they are also draining the sun of its own energy, possibly with catastrophic consequences far worse than global warming.

Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming, discovered that energy radiated from the sun isn’t merely captured in solar panels, but that energy is directly physically drawn from the sun by those panels, in a process they refer to as “forced photovoltaic drainage.”

“Put into laymen’s terms, the solar panels capture the sun’s energy, but pull on the sun over time, forcing more energy to be released than the sun is actually producing,” WIT claims in a scientific white paper published on Wednesday.  “Imagine a waterfall, dumping water.  But you aren’t catching the water in buckets, but rather sucking it in with a vacuum cleaner.  Eventually, you’re going to suck in so much water that you drain the river above that waterfall completely.”

WIT is adamant that there’s no immediate danger, however.  “Currently, solar panels are an energy niche, and do not pose a serious risk to the sun.  But if we converted our grids to solar energy in a big way, with panels on domestic homes and commercial businesses, and paving our parking lots with panels, we’d start seeing very serious problems over time.  If every home in the world had solar panels on their roofs, global temperatures would drop by as much as thirty degrees over twenty years, and the sun could die out within three hundred to four hundred years.”

The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation, who wanted to learn if the energy giant should start manufacturing and selling solar panels domestically and internationally.  Halliburton’s executives wanted to know more about the sustainability of solar energy and how photovoltaic technology might evolve over the next ten years.  But based on the findings of WIT’s research in the field, Halliburton revealed on Friday that they will not be entering the solar energy market.

“Solar panels destroying the sun could potentially be the worst man-made climate disaster in the history of the world, and Halliburton will not be taking part in that,” the company stated in a press release issued Friday morning.  “It’s obvious, based on the findings of this neutral scientific research group, that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.  Because these so-called `green technologies’ are far more dangerous to the Earth than any hydrofracking operation or deep-water drilling station.  What good is clean air when our very sun is no longer functional?”

 

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1,781 Responses to "Solar Panels Drain the Sun’s Energy, Experts Say"

  1. Bull Crap says:

    This is complete.

    The sun will continue its hydrogen fusion reaction for the next 13 billion years regardless of what we do with solar panels.

  2. Nate says:

    Hah, energy company does research into this, says it will do more damage to the environment. I’m thinking more like they discovered that its not quite as profitable in the long run so they stir up some garbage that ignorant nimrods will believe to keep the money going to their pocket books and stifling society moving forward in a meaningful way. Those kinds of money grubbing jerks are the worst kind of people and I’m ashamed I’m in the same damn gene pool as them.

  3. OMFG! Please tell me this article is SATIRE!!! If this is what the Right Wing Nuts think is actual FACT, we are DOOMED! DOOMED!

  4. John J says:

    I have to take this as completely tongue in cheek, for on the tiny chance it isn’t, then there is zero hope for our species, and mother nature needs to eradicate the human race and let meerkats rise up as the dominant species.

  5. Abe Cambridge says:

    For so many reasons, this is absolute nonsense and completely false.

    • yallstupid says:

      No shit, anyone with half a fucking brain can realize this is goddamn satire. anyone who responds seriously to this should rethink what they’re doing with their life.

      • Cheryl Swofford says:

        After all the lies and manipulation of the Bush II administration to get the U.S. into war in Iraq, benefitting Halliburton, which made Cheney about $30 million, and all the lies on Fox so-called News and Tea Party ads, and denial of climate science findings, it seemed plausible that this article could be more such propaganda. Although this article is apparently satire, issues are presented as truth every day that are downright lies.

    • John Hand says:

      So many reasons as you say, so little explanations. You owe us some examples of how many reasons why this story is false.

  6. Johnny Blaze says:

    All you guys have to do is look at the company that did the “research”: Halliburton.

    The company NOTORIOUS for being a major oil supplier.

    They did no research at all. They are just spreading this crap because they know that if people switch to solar and not use oil, they’d be out of business. They must see solar energy as a serious threat to come up with this garbage.

  7. JoshuaC says:

    you guys realize this is satire: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Report

  8. The Modern Shoe says:

    As was said before, solar panels are passive. There is no way this article has any truth in it. Solar panels are not vacuum cleaners any more than a slab of concrete. Solar panels simply sit there and let light fall on them, just like the rest of the earth. It’s putting a bucket underneath your roof link. The water is always gonna fall there, no matter what until the water’s out. The bucket doesn’t force more water to come out or anything The sun is always producing the same amount of radiation energy at Earth and solar panels are not changing that.

  9. m says:

    lol

    i wonder how stupid you have to be to actually believe this

  10. Redmen says:

    WELL, $hit lets just give up and all die off. I suppose windmill farms drain the wind.

  11. Renee says:

    Halliburton did this study? haha – well now it makes sense. Corruption at it’s finest.

  12. Zig says:

    The study was paid for by the Halliburton corp, of course ANY “fossil fuel” free energy products would all be considered lethal to their business….er…I meant, dangerous to “humanity”.

  13. Realist says:

    This is the most hilarious lie I have ever heard. Ted Cruz for President.

  14. Kevin says:

    This should have been on The Onion! XD

  15. Realitista says:

    You know, a bunch of conservatives are going to go around quoting this article as if it’s true. It’s not nice to make them more confused than they already are.

  16. Henry Law says:

    This sounds like an April fool, two months late.

  17. Get A Clue says:

    The only thing more funny than this beautifully written piece of satire, is the astounding number of idiots who believed it was a real article and got online to rage about it! National Report is a satire site folks, this is a joke. Absolutely none of this happened, no one ever seriously said any of it, there was no study performed, and Halliburton likely doesn’t even know this article exists.

    It was a joke and it was played skillfully on every serious, indignant, and self important poster here, who felt compelled to share their indignation about the article, without even checking if it was real! ha ha ha

  18. Pam says:

    Ha haha HAHAHAHHAHA!! HAliburton. Oh so trustworthy.

  19. Jan Hendrik says:

    Americans must be dumb as mud to believe this rubbish. Oh wait..

  20. Gary says:

    Not even remotely plausible. Is this a parody website?

  21. LoL says:

    Did anyone else notice that the study was commissioned by Halliburton (One of the world’s largest oil field services companies)?

  22. This is absolute nonsense. Nice try to discredit one of the best and most efficient sources of energy on the planet. The sun isn’t going to run out of energy for about 2.8 billion years. It’s studies like these that stand in the way of us making any progress whatsoever toward clean, sustainable energy. It’s all about money. Nobody wants to lose money. What drivel.

    • John Hand says:

      No one wants to lose money. Ever watch the news? Hear about all those millions of YOUR tax dollars that Obama wasted on some solar energy companies?

  23. DC says:

    I think maybe there should be more research put into this Wyoming research lab that is deemed a “privately funded” lab, prior to writing this article. For such a large claim to be made, it almost points to obvious propaganda. In our day and age of technology, you cannot simply believe that everything on the surface is true, so if your response is “that’s preposterous to suggest that this Wyoming facility is funded by someone who doesn’t support solar energy.”

    Oh WAIT. It even says that the study was funded by Halliburton in 2011. You guys are great journalists here.

    Continue to be puppets.

  24. Rob Sellers says:

    “privately-owned think tank located in Cheyenne, Wyoming” Privately owned by oil companies? Where did they find “scientists” willing to spew this idiocy!?

  25. Bri4444 says:

    I believe Haliburton was company that did some work on the well that BP had blow out on in the Gulf of Mexico? The whole article is a joke, I can’t believe so many people are being sucked in, this isn’t something new, ex War of the Worlds.

  26. J says:

    what a surprise. One of the biggest companies in the oil & gas industry says we need to rely more on fossil ressources.

  27. Adam says:

    this is fucking retarded.

  28. David says:

    Hahaha
    Oh my god
    You people really believe this garbage?
    Its a fairy tale, made up to keep you scared submissive and stupid

  29. HSC says:

    OFC solar energy is passive. Those “experts” and their “research” is bought by oil companies money that would lose out billions if we went off gas. Total BS.

  30. Adrian Lombardini says:

    This is a joke, right? Or is it the oil industry taking us for idiots?
    Can anybody take this seriously?

  31. Lisa Causey (Ryan) says:

    Hahahahahahahaha!!! I wonder how many humans thought this was true!!!

  32. Eli says:

    What rightwing teaparty idiocracy is this

  33. This is definitely a troll article, but in the event that other people might take this as actual news…

    Allow me to chime in:
    This is one of the most ill-informed articles I’ve skimmed through in a while; I only skimmed, because there’s some statements here that are so fundamentally incorrect as to prompt me to read no further.

    Short explanation:
    The rate at which light travels from the Sun cannot be increased (Source: that Einstein dude). This article suggests that it *is* being increased due to solar panels mysteriously pulling light from the Sun; this isn’t how reality works. Light is received passively, it’s not a force that’s pulled or syphoned. For example, when light hits our bodies (and all other objects), it’s not as if our skin *pulls* light from the environment by way of a pulling force, like a current. This fact seems to be lost on the author and/or “experts,” when using the bizarre analogy between light and the flow of water.

    Also, in case this is still lost on you, here’s a potentially noteworthy quote for any irrational conspiracist:
    “The study was commissioned in August 2011 by the Halliburton corporation”

    Halliburton: JFGI

  34. xienwolf says:

    This is complete rubish. Nothing we do can pull more energy from the Sun than it is putting out. NOTHING. The sun’s energy is from fusion reactions, so unless you think pointing a bunch of solar panels at the earth will cause spontaneous fusion (hint: it won’t), you don’t believe this either.

    As for the waterfalls and vacuums… same thing there actually. You cannot suck the water over the cliff faster than it is being pushed TO the cliff by sucking from below. And you cannot make the river above run out of water unless you are removing water from the entire water cycle, and making the entire PLANET run out of water.

    For the love of all… NEVER make a “science” report without linking the original research article. You just highlight your own ignorance.

  35. Robert says:

    Matt Rock needs to learn about Ethics in Journalism. He is either knowingly writing untrue garbage or is too much of an idiot to notice.

  36. Mr. Obvious. says:

    I hope all of you voicing your concerns about this article, are just playing along and don’t believe it is serious. “National Report” is a satirical news website, nothing on it is real.

    Though I’m sure there are plenty of folks who believe everything they read, without bothering to fact check.

  37. Anon says:

    Guess what business Haliburton is in? Guess who used to be the chairman and CEO of Haliburton?

    Haliburton is an Oil company. Former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was the chairman and CEO of Haliburton. Guess it’s now more obvious why Haliburton, who funded this study, claims that we can “drain” the sun with solar panels. They must think we’re idiots.

  38. Stan says:

    What a load of garbage. I guess trees have been doing the same thing to the plant for the last few billion years?

  39. Alex Marshall says:

    Uhhhh, solar panels and the sun are passive components. Solar panels can’t drain more energy any more than the sun can reverse energy flow (which is to say, 100% impossible.)

    “Scientists at the Wyoming Institute of Technology, a privately-owned think tank”

    Oh, private think tank. That explains the absolute retardation. These aren’t scientists, they’re crackpots. Sorry boys, electronics don’t work that way! Perhaps you should’ve had an EE on your team.

  40. robnbc says:

    And this “scientific” study was published in the Journal of Tea Party Talking Points ??? Please give a reference to a peer reviewed journal if you want to be taken seriously.

  41. Not buying it says:

    Seriously?! This is the worst excuse for journalism I have ever seen. It is so irresponsible to spread this bullshit that it should be a criminal offense. The reality is that Halliburton, one of the largest oil field services companies in the world, is bothered by the growing awareness of how bad climate change is because solar technology is taking dollars out of their pockets. Guess what, you fools, you can’t take cash to your graves. They also are not too keen about fracking protests, I’m sure, so they want to spread a load of ignorance to convince the uneducated that people blowing the alarm on fracking are just foolish tree-huggers. Here’s some quick reading material about fracking for anyone who’s interested. : http://www.dangersoffracking.com/

  42. Matt K says:

    This is retarded, the sun has 333,000 times the mass of the earth. We are 93MM miles away away from it and its force is still so powerful that the earth would be a nuclear wasteland without our magnetic core. The earth’s sole microscopic affect on the sun is to reflect a minuscule amount of light and heat back towards it thus extending its life (by a day or two). Who’s paying them to say this and who do they think is stupid enough to believe it?

  43. Jonathan Biley says:

    This is the biggest crackpot, pile of sh*t I have ever read…. how are photons pulled from the sun????? Photons that would have become HEAT are turned into electricity by a solar cell….. Haliburton is the most unethical, war profiteering company that has ever existed…. and all of a sudden they have an ETHICAL ISSUE about solar panels destroying the sun?? There is a special place reserved in hell for the people of that company

  44. Vik says:

    So an oilfield company commissions a study and says ” that humans needs to become more dependent on fossil fuels like oil and coal, not less.” Hmm…how convenient.

  45. JND says:

    Hilarious parody! Very funny – look out Daily News! I’d love to see more funny stuff like this here. May I suggest you do a feature on the dangers of Dihydrogen Oxide and the endangered Pacific Tree Octopus? Those would certainly appeal to the same audience as this article.

  46. Brian says:

    I call B.S. on this story. Not a word of truth in it.

  47. Doc says:

    I feel dumber for having spent the time to read this article.

  48. Walter Poe says:

    You are legitimately retarded.

  49. jas says:

    hmm look who paid for the study … Halliburton …they are an oil company and stand to lose billions if things were switched to solar …of course the study says its bad … and one study with very short period of time is not a scientific fact that is at this time a theory that would need further evaluation and testing … by independent groups that have nothing to earn or lose financially

  50. weo1 says:

    wow i can really tell that these “experts” are totally not the people currently getting rich off the oil companies

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