<NationalReport>Scientists at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, NC have uncovered a shocking link between a disease transmitted through cat feces, called toxoplasmosis, and Juggaloism. Previous studies have indicated that pregnant women are especially susceptible to toxoplasmosis. When the researchers performed a large-scale analysis of the children of women who had contracted toxoplasmosis during pregnancy, they uncovered a shocking finding: 93% of children born to infected women later became Juggalos.
The scientists believe this correlation is due to the parasite transporting cat feces directly into the developing fetal brain, destroying its ability to properly develop. Lead scientist Dr. Frederick Nickers offered this explanation: “When Toxoplasma gondii, the causative agent of Toxoplamosis, infects the mother, the parasite carries with it a small quantity cat feces, or so called “brown matter”. When the parasite moves through the mother’s body and enters into the developing fetal brain, it deposits this “brown matter” as it enters its next life cycle. This “brown matter” then mixes with the developing “grey matter” of the fetal brain. The grey matter of our brain is essential for developing responsibility and intelligence, which we find lacking in Juggalos. Our research is suggesting that this mixing of brown and grey matter is what initially causes Juggalos to become Juggalos.”
The researchers are now working hard to find a way to treat this terrible affliction. Dr. Nickers had this encouraging message for all of the Juggalos of the world, “Modern medical science is doing its best to help you remove the cat feces from your brains”.