09172014Headline:

Scientists Discover Link Between Cat Feces and Juggaloism

juggalos<NationalReport>Scientists at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, NC have uncovered a shocking link between a disease transmitted through cat feces, called toxoplasmosis, and Juggaloism. Previous studies have indicated that pregnant women are especially susceptible to toxoplasmosis. When the researchers performed a large-scale analysis of the children of women who had contracted toxoplasmosis during pregnancy, they uncovered a shocking finding: 93% of children born to infected women later became Juggalos.

The scientists believe this correlation is due to the parasite transporting cat feces directly into the developing fetal brain, destroying its ability to properly develop. Lead scientist Dr. Frederick Nickers offered this explanation: “When Toxoplasma gondii, the causative agent of Toxoplamosis, infects the mother, the parasite carries with it a small quantity cat feces, or so called “brown matter”. When the parasite moves through the mother’s body and enters into the developing fetal brain, it deposits this “brown matter” as it enters its next life cycle. This “brown matter” then mixes with the developing “grey matter” of the fetal brain. The grey matter of our brain is essential for developing responsibility and intelligence, which we find lacking in Juggalos. Our research is suggesting that this mixing of brown and grey matter is what initially causes Juggalos to become Juggalos.”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThe researchers are now working hard to find a way to treat this terrible affliction. Dr. Nickers had this encouraging message for all of the Juggalos of the world, “Modern medical science is doing its best to help you remove the cat feces from your brains”.




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221 Responses to "Scientists Discover Link Between Cat Feces and Juggaloism"

  1. Sharpie says:

    I was moderately bored before reading the comments on this and now I’m certain I will be in an outstanding mood for hours to come.

  2. Dr Mengala says:

    JEW LIESSSSS Our god loves us. Heil Satan

  3. Carly says:

    “Ma’am, I am afraid that I have some bad news. Your son is a Juggalo. Unfortunately there is no known treatment or cure available.”

  4. NekroG says:

    I KNEW IT!

    POOP POOP!

  5. Kaleena says:

    This is Like the Biggest Load of Bullshit I have ever read, Really people this is what u do with your Scientist Why don’t u Look for a cure for AIDS, Cancer, and other important Real Diseases & Conditions. You don’t see people doing research on Slipknot Maggots, or Doctor Who’s Whovieans just stop being such ignorant Asses.

  6. fuqoff says:

    I think its funny how so many people hate so much, and how they associate things like spelling with intelligence or ignorance. IQ doesn’t = spelling or any language for that matter. Hate is always hate. and above all else im glad to be a white trash drunk fucking juggalo idiot with toxoplasmos or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Better than being a pretentious stuck up ass that lives a boring ass life and has nothing better to do than hate on others and make BS articles on the internet. Who is the real douche bags here. I’m sure there will be all kinds of anti juggalo post and smart ass comments but idgaf. suck a dick. It’s a white trash party up in this bitch. faygo titties liquor drugs STDs ignorant music partys jail all the things that make up a good weekend. Love America, where I can be as ignorant as I want, as sloppy as I want, as irresponsible as I want, have as much fun as I want, and piss off assholes like you in the process……

  7. River Song says:

    So what’s the explanation for Dead Heads? Fuckwads.

  8. Lett4life says:

    This is ficticous I am a proud juggalett I have a job I pay my bills I am working on my collage degree in physics I work 40hrs a week and make 20 bucks an hour and also am inturning at NASA currently so this article is a fake and I am proof of it thank you

    • Dr. Know Phd says:

      *fictitious *college *interning *I am also *this article is fake… and for fucking Christ sake, use some fucking punctuation! The only thing you’re going to be doing at NASA is mopping floors you juggatard. P.S. The article is meant to be a joke genius

      • M says:

        While the article is obviously a joke the underlying theme that is expressed ad nauseum is that “Juggalos” are stupid.

        Her point is valid. A lot of smarter people don’t care about spelling. Many of them are messy and don’t spend a lot of time proof reading because it is considered to be a menial task. Personally my IQ is not measurable and I like ICP because it is different. Most music is about love and dancing, and they write songs about being a pyromaniac etc. I have a morbid sense of humor, and I like it.

        Many people have an underlying anxiety about the themes expressed by the ICP group which leads them to “gang up” so to speak on fans. Its a way of relieving ones anxiety.

        • this article is fake juggatards says:

          Her misspelled words are not a sign of intelligence hahaha they’re signs of being an idiot. Not all juggalos are stupid, but she certainly is.

  9. OjOnEs says:

    Fuck this shit. I’m an Iraqi Veteran, intelligent college student, and a Juggalo. You fuckin fucktards.

  10. Murica says:

    This is what is wrong with the world. I am what is worse for reading it all.

  11. PROVEyou'reBetterThanMe says:

    I don’t care what kind of degree any of you have. I’m someone’s daughter & my mother was never sick while carrying me. I’m not an idiot nor am I a delinquent, and there is nothing wrong with my brain. I’m well educated, I have a job, I do volunteer work, I pay my bills, and I have no criminal record. But I do like many kinds of music AND I AM A JUGGALO. Tell me now, how exactly are you all better than me? Show me REAL statistics, because every bit of that came out of your ass.

    • this article is fake juggatards says:

      No shit there’s no real facts dumbass, it’s a joke article genius lol

  12. Tammy says:

    I actually suffer from this disease. I almost died. Although I understand that this is written for humorous purposes the disease is completely misrepresented. It can affect any organ in your body not just the brain. I spend a lot of time educating people on toxo and this just belittles a very serious illness. An illness that can also come from undercooked meat and fruit.

    • Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

      Never eat raw Juggalo turds, clumping litter or not, it is NOT safe to eat raw. Juggalo turds MUST be cooked prior to eating, there should be NO visible pink in the Juggalo or Juggalette turd AT ALL if you are going to put it into your mouth or the mouth of your baby or a comatose fellow Juggalo/Juggalette.

  13. sh*t4brains says:

    ICP 4 LIFE!!!

  14. violent dave says:

    whoop whoop to all the lo’s and lette’s here mmfwcl we know what is real to us we are who we are so all the haters can f.t.f.o. mcl

  15. chris says:

    No way! So this whole time I thought I loved my violent music, it was just shitty pussy parasited in my brain? My shit-caked brain is amazed. Its hilarious to see how much attention a little joke will stir up. If this was real would they really have put a picture of a giant cat shit in the middle of the article? And would this guy even pretend to have wasted years of his life getting a phd just to research this? You guys keep talking shit about each other, I’m here watching and laughing.

  16. Ben says:

    I’m a juggalo and people think I’m the wired one ? Blaming cat turds for the type of music people like is ridiculous. Stop h8ing and get a life

  17. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    There isn’t anything funny at all about seeing a Juggalo or Juggalette suffering from late stage post christmas tinsel butt. DON”T PULL IT! DON’T PULL IT!

  18. Just the average joe says:

    All i have noticed on this page is that everyone here is a bunch of grammer nazis! soo… maybe just maybe… you all have poo brain.

  19. Individual says:

    As a serious ‘Artical’ (article) this would be trash. Like most readers, i realized this was a joke as I was reading. When i realized it was a joke, I also realized something else. This is the worst joke possible. Not only does it make light of a serious affliction that has emotionally wounded many families; it singles out a group of people who are merely expressing themselves. The joke was offensive, enraging, and simple-minded. By the way, I’m a juggalo. I’m also fairly intelligent for a 22 year old. But you don’t care about knowledge, you’d rather spread ignorance like this. Thanks for everything you’ve put into society, but really, stop now. No one wants more of this.

  20. Theenda Dizdick says:

    I dont like that music anymore does that mean im cured of cat shit inside of me?

  21. Odawaa Waraabe says:

    We have something similar to juggalo’s in our country too. They are all addicted to lion poop, which gives them great power at first, but they eventually go insane as the evil consumes their souls.

  22. Face Palm says:

    Yall are so freaking dumb… -____-”