Reparations Bistro – Wealthy Portland Man Opens A Café Where African Americans Dine For Free

reparations-bistro-store-front(Portland, Oregon) – Lloyd Derringer was born to a wealthy, elite family of bankers and stock investors. He spent most of his childhood and adolescent years travelling the world with his parents, experiencing a multitude of different cultural traditions. Derringer was home-schooled but when he turned 18 he decided to pursue higher academia and began applying to several of the top liberal arts colleges around the world.

It wasn’t long before he was accepted into the illustrious and world-renowned Virgeld University where he immersed himself in coursework relating primarily to women’s studies, gender and race issues. It was here that he developed a passion for advocating on the behalf of oppressed victims of bigotry and vowed to apply what he had learned in college to make a difference in the world.

Not long after graduation, Derringer acquired the funds that would enable him to turn his dreams into reality. His wealthy uncle Percy Derringer had passed away, leaving him with an inheritance of over a quarter of a billion dollars.

Reparations Bistro” opened it’s doors in September of 2011 in the gentrified North Portland district as a way of paying the people of color back, as well as any other downtrodden minorities and casualties of white greed. “We proudly invite old residents of this neighborhood back to dine here, free of charge”, Derringer added. He has even expanded the menu and added a “soul food” section to cater to ethnic groups who may not enjoy the rest of the pricey fare available at his swanky bistro. Things like southern fried chicken, ribs, fried catfish, chitterlings and grits. “Don’t forget the bottomless grape Kool Aid!” Derringer enthusiastically exclaims.

“The café also has an extensive “LGBTQ menu” featuring specialized dishes that cater specifically to gays, lesbians, trans people and bisexuals. “We wanted to make sure every guest at Reparations Bistro felt accounted for. We really wanted to go the extra mile to cater to vexed underdogs, something that mainstream eateries oftentimes completely overlook when compiling their menu selections. We are also pushing for legislation to make it mandatory that all restaurants start featuring an “entitlement menu” for martyrs of tyranny who might be subjected to unnecessary racism and prejudice given the limited choices of most standard restaurants.”

“Our guests appreciate the fact that we have taken the time to research and replicate the foods that they resonate with the most and that correctly represent their cultures and lifestyles. For instance, most people in the mainstream are completely unaware that militant feminist lesbians subsist on a diet primarily of oatmeal and cold gruel. We have painstakingly perfected these dishes and as a result we have cultivated a very loyal following. We have also hired a female waitress who caters specifically to our lesbian guests who will never “mansplain” anything on the menu to them. Also, lesbians are never pressured or required to leave tips for our wait staff because we are aware it’s against their religion.”

Some aren’t so thrilled about Derringer’s restaurant. Shamika Main who was a former resident of Northeast Portland prior to the gentrification told us the following “I don’t need no rich cracker pattin’ me on the head fore’ he throws a plate of slop in front of me trying to say it makes up for all the stuff done in slavery times and messin’ up my old hood. That is straight up offensive! Y’all owes us a lot more than some grits and a cup of koolaid. Get your mind right!”

Others don’t agree with the café’s policy that whites must pay double to eat at the café, nor are whites allowed to use their restroom. “It’s only fair”, Derringer quips. “Our current status as a nation is due to white men exerting their oppression over everything in every socio-political-economic system. I think it’s high time they get a dose of their own medicine.” When we reminded Derringer that he was a white man, and a multi-millionaire who seemed to be profiting from a restaurant that seemed to encourage the oppression of white men, he instantly became hostile and snapped, “Clearly you don’t understand the dynamics of systems of oppression in the United States! What are you, racist?”

Evidently it appears that Reparations Bistro is doing quite well despite Derringers unconventional convictions. As we prepared to depart we passed several tables packed with husky, grunting creatures of questionable gender, digging into generous portions of fishy smelling grey porridge. A mousey bespectacled female waitress darted between tables shelling out plate after plate of this mysterious gruel amid a din of bovine grunts, bellows and clattering silverware.

After bidding Derringer adieu, we noticed a scruffy homeless Vietnam veteran at the front entrance asking the furious looking waitress how much a simple plate of biscuits and gravy to go would be. “For you… 100 dollars”, she shot back.


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21 Responses to "Reparations Bistro – Wealthy Portland Man Opens A Café Where African Americans Dine For Free"

  1. Tyrese says:

    The RB has become a regular meeting place for my friends and I. The menu is great, the servers are nice and the food is free. Its nice to feel welcomed at a restaurant and the looks on the faces of the white folks when they get their bill is PRICELESS!

  2. Lance says:

    I don’t know why anyone except scum of the earth would go to this place. White people can afford the bill because we work. That’s prime example why Trayvons like Tyrese go there gotta get me my free food cuz I gots no pride.

    • Tim says:

      white guilt at its best. the 50s are over and in this new generations,whites have to deal with shit around the world and people like this bistro man just gives others the entitelment complex wich gives them the idea of that whites owe them i dont owe anyone anything

      • Ed Traficant says:

        Wow Guys!
        Does your Mommy know that you are using the computer?

        • phaseronstun says:

          I totally agree with you here, Ed. I think we have some adolescent boys here, who are grappling with having the first girl they really cared about fall in love with a darky. They likely are descendants of fathers who have spent their whole lives wondering if Mommy really DID love the dark serpent (she did!). And trying to keep their daughters away from it (to no avail!). Sorry to the little insecure honky boys. When you put high value on the likes of Kim Kartrashian and being fearful of anyone that threatens your masculinity, you will live a life of constant disappointment. Enjoy.

          • Ed Traficant says:

            Phaseronstun,Insecurity is the root of racism.
            The poor white trash have a lot to be insecure about too.
            Everyone knows african americans dominate in sports,music,poetry and are usually well endowed sexually and spiritually.
            Don’t even get me started on Homophobic’s,though the symptoms are nearly identical.

          • Please, gentlemen, keep your depraved interracial fantasies to yourselves. Children read this site.

          • Ed Traficant says:

            Manfred,my friend. You are a treasure!

          • Thomas says:

            Depraved interracial fantasies? What’s depraved in that? Your racism is depraved.

  3. David says:

    Just another cheap marketing ploy to get attention like this article to draw in customers. Blacks eat free, LGBT menu? Come on, even a half-wit can see what is going on here. Irish slaves were treated much worse and what about the Asians and Native Americans?

    It’s the guy’s business, he can do with it as he sees fit, but don’t see it for anything more than for what it is.

  4. dingus dangle says:


  5. lillian fabricant lillian fabricant says:

    The day I went in all they were serving was McDonalds from across the street, sans wrappers, and I paid the full ‘honky’ price even though my white grandmother was blackraped as a wild teenager and my other grandmother, who it turns out was part slave-descended, according to the local Pennysaver, was whiteraped one time when she had a really great tan and Afro puffs (wig). The staff was great, I was made to feel REALLY guilty, which I’m sure I am, and I absolutely ADORED their napkins, which were big downy tufty balls of unseeded cotton still in the burst pod, tucked in a ring of briars. Martha Stewart eat your heart out!

    • lillian fabricant lillian fabricant says:

      I also liked how they won’t give you water, even if you beg, and how you can turn on the Klieg-like sun lamps ringing the tables yourself, just by pulling on the little woven noose toggle switches dangling lifelessly at the end of the pull chains!

  6. Gail says:

    Wth is this.. This is just sick. What is wrong with people?!? This is discrimination of white people and God only knows who else.. I usually don’t bitch about this kind of thing because I dont let it bother me. But this is just plain b.s. The first comment says the look on WHITE PEOPLES faces when they get their bill is PRICELESS.. WTF? More entitlements for blacks isn’t what they need, they need to get off their asses and WORK for things like the rest of us do. Get a job and pay for your own fucking meals BRO.. This is just sick..

  7. EVE says:

    this IS SO SICK ,if I was black I would be pissed off that someone thinks I need a hand out just because I am black , its like saying we cant take care of our self’s . , its no different then the whites doing 200 years ago don’t you people see that . you have to remember that YOUR OUN KING SAID I AM SORRY THAT I SOLD MY PEOPLE TO SAVERY AND GOT PAID FOR IT TOO , SO DONT BLAM THE WHITS YOU NEED TO LOOK AT YOUR OUN DOOR FIRST

  8. John Prewett says:

    Obviously written by a vicious White Supremist intent on mocking right-thinking liberals. For shame,.. for shame !

  9. Karl says:

    What the fuck you talk real tough behind that computer

  10. Cecil Zeke Roy Cecil Zeke Roy says:

    I want to eat at the RB next time I go over to Tilllamook for cheese and then when I’m done, I’m going to dash out the door. They can chase me if they want, but I believe in freedom and equality and if those black folk are eatin’ for free, then I’M eatin’ for free too!

  11. Lillian Fabricant Lillian Fabricant says:

    Haaaah…whiteface, all clowns wear that phat make-up!

  12. deadmanriding says:

    Cecil : Come on down, we got a whole chain in Canada just like that called Kraeker’s Dine-N-Dashery, great fast food, all you can eat buffet.

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