<National Report>Clark County Sheriff’s Officials in Nevada report that Cliven Bundy, the rancher who, together with dozens of gun wielding supporters, made national headlines by forcing local law enforcement and federal agents to back down over the rancher’s refusal to pay for cattle grazing rights on public lands, was charged today with what is being characterized as ‘dining and dashing’, or in legal terms, ‘defrauding an innkeeper’.
The manager of the local International House of Pancakes’ reported being forced to call the police when Bundy, after ordering and consuming the restaurants signature, ‘Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity’ breakfast, refused to pay for his meal.
An attempt by the manager and waitress to persuade Bundy that he had to pay ‘just like everyone else’, dissolved into a shouting match where it is reported that Bundy suddenly and inexplicably questioned why negroes were allowed to eat in the same establishment, using taxpayer ‘welfare money’. The confrontation only escalated after it was explained that the negroes were American citizens who had every right to eat where they wanted to no matter the source of their income. The manager went on to state that Bundy then walked out of the restaurant and into the parking where he was greeted by a small crowd of cheering supporters on horseback, brandishing rifles and pistols, waving American flags, shouting, “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”
A representative of the heavily armed Bundy supporters, declared that they would not leave the parking lot under any circumstances and would use whatever force necessary should government agents attempt to force Mr Bundy to pay for his breakfast. “This is the United States of America and does not belong to the foreign sounding companies like the ‘International House of Pancakes’. For all we know, this restaurant chain is mixed up with the United Nations in its attempt at world domination. We are urging all those who have been in sympathy with Mr Bundy’s cattle grazing cause, to turn their horses around and join us today in this parking lot where our love of God and country demand that we take a stand against foreign, un-American groups like this ‘International’ franchise.
It must be noted though, that while the spokesman condemned the International House of Pancakes, several supporters were observed quietly dismounting from their horses and appearing to go into the restaurant’s bathroom, one of which was later observed running from out the doors, firing a pistol while carrying a white styrofoam ‘to go’ box’. When confronted by this reporter about the appearance of hypocrisy in condemning the restaurant yet using their facilities and ordering their food, the supporter angrily stated “You didn’t see me pay for this, did you?”, before beginning to eat what appeared to be a large serving of biscuits and sausage gravy.