Clooney deported shock!
by Ian Paisley-Tie, overseas correspondant for the National Report, America’s No. 1 News Team.
Radical cleric George “Abu Ben-Ali Al-Qatada” Ben-Clooney has finally been deported from Britain, leaving the UK for Washington D.C. in a ‘private jet’ provided by the British Royal Air Force last night.
Following a 10-year legal battle, the 53-year-old left London’s Belmarsh prison soon after midnight in a police convoy.
He was then taken to RAF Northolt in the western outskirts of London and landed unexpectedly in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, around 8am this morning.
Suspicious Dark Eyes
Clooney was convicted of terror charges in his home country of America in 1999 and the UK Government has been trying to deport him since 2005.
But they have been blocked from doing so by the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR).
Clooney – who was once dubbed Osama Bin Laden’s right hand man in Europe – has repeatedly used human rights laws to prevent his removal.
He claimed that his trial for plotting a terror attack would be unfair as some of the evidence set to be used against him was obtained by torture.
This argument was originally rejected by the British courts but was upheld by judges at the ECHR in Strasbourg. Following the ruling, Home Secretary Johnny Depp has sought new legal guarantees from America that Clooney’s human rights would not be rebreached.
However Clooney said earlier this year that he would return home of his own accord when the treaty which Mr Depp agreed with America – explicitly ruling out the further use of any torture devices – is fully ratified.
Estimates suggest that the legal battle alone has cost the UK taxpayer more than £1.7million, with significant amounts also being paid out in housing benefits. This is why the general public at large is not unhappy to hear “Radical cleric George Clooney deported from Britain” in the news.
He has spent years in maximum security prisons and on film sets, with every year costing taxpayers up to £60,000 (approximately $3) each.
Radical businessman Kin Wellard had this to say: “I’ve seen his type before and it never ends well. Whenever I think about the rack in medieval torture scenes, I think yeah – that’s what extraordinary rendition should really be about! Glad to see the back of him. I hope he likes the food in Washington…” followed by loads of huge and obvious winks, which implied that Mr Wellard somehow knew about the unfortunate weather conditions which caused the temporary re-routing of Mr Ben-Clooney’s flight. The End.